(no subject)
I blink at the screen, trying to wrap my head around the rush of emotions I was having. This is unbelievable. One visit on a computer made my life switch around entirely.
Then the thought popped into my head: should I tell him? My eyes opened wide as I thought of all the ways the whole situation could turn out. On one hand, it could turn out very smoothly and his emotions could be the same. On the other hand, well, I don't even want to think about it. I rub my index finger and my thumb on my temples and let out a sigh obviously loud enough to get Brian's attention.
“Zacky?” he asks, his smooth voice filling the room. “You've been in here for awhile now and it's starting to bum me out a little.” he smiled and kept staring at me until I looked up at him.
“Sorry, I…had to look up something.” I clicked out of the window I was on as fast as I could before he walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. I jumped a little.
“Dude, it's alright I'm not gonna hurt you,” he said with a little chuckle, “Anyways, I'm really bored, there's absolutely nothing to do on this fucking bus. I think there's a gas station close. You should come with me to get some cigs.” he poked at my head and again made me jump. I looked up at the clock and grunted.
“It's like, 1 o'clock in the morning, are you sure the gas station is gonna be open?”
“Yeah, man, it's a gas station! Why the hell would they be closed? People need their gas!” He laughed at himself, grabbed my hoodie, pulled me up, and dragged me out of my bunk and into the makeshift living room. I had to adjust my eyes to all light that was surprisingly still on.
I look at the couch to see Jimmy sprawled out and passed out with a bottle of Jager still hanging from his hand. I look around and saw that there was no sign of Matt or Johnny. They probably went to bed a long time ago without me realizing it.
“Let's go dude, I haven't had a cigarette in, like, 5 hours,” he said as he opened the door slightly and pulled his hood up. 5 hours was of course an exaggeration, he had his last one about 2 hours ago. I roll my eyes and slip my hood up as well. The night was cold and our breath was clearly visible.
“Where the hell would this gas station be would you suppose?” I said as I blow into my hands to try and warm them up.
“ I have no idea. But hey, at least it's better than sitting on that damn bus.” he skipped a little ahead and stopped to look where we were at.
“Dude, I have no idea where the fuck we should look first.” he looked both ways down the street we were parked on. He started walking and I followed him behind closely. We start walking up a street called Landon Ave. and saw that there we're some sort of light beaming ahead.
“Man, even though Colorado Springs is small, I didn't realize how freaking spread out everything was!” he said a little breathlessly. I stared at him from behind and didn't really listen to what he was saying. The previous encounter with the Internet was still too fresh on my mind. I still can't get over what was happening to me. I mean I've thought about it before but I denied it so much that I never realized how true everything was.
“Zack?” he said. I didn't realize he stopped walking until he practically had to yell my name.
“Wha-? Oh why'd you stop?” I realized why he did right as I looked up to 711 sign blaring above me.
“Oh…” I said a little quietly.
“What's up Zack? I've been talking to my self this entire time it feels like. Did Gena send you another hate mail or something?” I glared up at him.
“No! I just- have a lot on my mind, okay?” He put up his hands in surrender, and walked into the 711. I probably shouldn't have snapped at him like that. But he has no idea what I'm feeling and how confused I am. I stayed outside I just now realized I really didn't need anything. I hear the jingles of the bells above the door and he quickly pulls out one of his infamous Marlboro cigarettes and slides it between his thin lips. As he blows the smoke out through his lips, I can't help but shyly stare.
“Damn that feels good. I sure do love the feeling of cancer seeping down into my lungs,” he said as he blew another smoke cloud. “Hey lets get back before Matt has a cow. I guess we have a early start for the next city tomorrow.” I nod and think: it's going to be a hell of a restless night for me..
Then the thought popped into my head: should I tell him? My eyes opened wide as I thought of all the ways the whole situation could turn out. On one hand, it could turn out very smoothly and his emotions could be the same. On the other hand, well, I don't even want to think about it. I rub my index finger and my thumb on my temples and let out a sigh obviously loud enough to get Brian's attention.
“Zacky?” he asks, his smooth voice filling the room. “You've been in here for awhile now and it's starting to bum me out a little.” he smiled and kept staring at me until I looked up at him.
“Sorry, I…had to look up something.” I clicked out of the window I was on as fast as I could before he walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. I jumped a little.
“Dude, it's alright I'm not gonna hurt you,” he said with a little chuckle, “Anyways, I'm really bored, there's absolutely nothing to do on this fucking bus. I think there's a gas station close. You should come with me to get some cigs.” he poked at my head and again made me jump. I looked up at the clock and grunted.
“It's like, 1 o'clock in the morning, are you sure the gas station is gonna be open?”
“Yeah, man, it's a gas station! Why the hell would they be closed? People need their gas!” He laughed at himself, grabbed my hoodie, pulled me up, and dragged me out of my bunk and into the makeshift living room. I had to adjust my eyes to all light that was surprisingly still on.
I look at the couch to see Jimmy sprawled out and passed out with a bottle of Jager still hanging from his hand. I look around and saw that there was no sign of Matt or Johnny. They probably went to bed a long time ago without me realizing it.
“Let's go dude, I haven't had a cigarette in, like, 5 hours,” he said as he opened the door slightly and pulled his hood up. 5 hours was of course an exaggeration, he had his last one about 2 hours ago. I roll my eyes and slip my hood up as well. The night was cold and our breath was clearly visible.
“Where the hell would this gas station be would you suppose?” I said as I blow into my hands to try and warm them up.
“ I have no idea. But hey, at least it's better than sitting on that damn bus.” he skipped a little ahead and stopped to look where we were at.
“Dude, I have no idea where the fuck we should look first.” he looked both ways down the street we were parked on. He started walking and I followed him behind closely. We start walking up a street called Landon Ave. and saw that there we're some sort of light beaming ahead.
“Man, even though Colorado Springs is small, I didn't realize how freaking spread out everything was!” he said a little breathlessly. I stared at him from behind and didn't really listen to what he was saying. The previous encounter with the Internet was still too fresh on my mind. I still can't get over what was happening to me. I mean I've thought about it before but I denied it so much that I never realized how true everything was.
“Zack?” he said. I didn't realize he stopped walking until he practically had to yell my name.
“Wha-? Oh why'd you stop?” I realized why he did right as I looked up to 711 sign blaring above me.
“Oh…” I said a little quietly.
“What's up Zack? I've been talking to my self this entire time it feels like. Did Gena send you another hate mail or something?” I glared up at him.
“No! I just- have a lot on my mind, okay?” He put up his hands in surrender, and walked into the 711. I probably shouldn't have snapped at him like that. But he has no idea what I'm feeling and how confused I am. I stayed outside I just now realized I really didn't need anything. I hear the jingles of the bells above the door and he quickly pulls out one of his infamous Marlboro cigarettes and slides it between his thin lips. As he blows the smoke out through his lips, I can't help but shyly stare.
“Damn that feels good. I sure do love the feeling of cancer seeping down into my lungs,” he said as he blew another smoke cloud. “Hey lets get back before Matt has a cow. I guess we have a early start for the next city tomorrow.” I nod and think: it's going to be a hell of a restless night for me..