dilemma
I'm at Dan's house. Alone. He's at work. But he'll be home soon. It's fucking freezing. Why can't it be a balmy 72 degrees all year long? Fucking October.. I'll be in hell when it starts to snow, goddammit.
Anyway.. I'm a little stressed out. Well.. more like.. concerned.. or something like that. I'm having relationship concerns. I shouldn't be, but I am. I have no legitimate reason to. So, what's the problem you ask? I feel ..neglected? Damn. I can't think of a suitable term. Not neglected.. but.. more like.. left behind, I guess. I know it's not intentional. He's just got so much going on that there's really no time for us, or me. I lavish him in attention and I know he loves and appreciates it more than anyone in the entire world. It just stings when I don't get it back because he's too busy or too tired.
It's not his fault. He works so hard at his job and his senior year is crucial to his hopes for a career. He works is ass off so when he gets time to himself I let him sit and play his Xbox without nagging him to go out or pining for attention. He deserves to do exactly what he wants with the little time he has to relax. But it's coming to a point where I'm struggling to keep our connection alive.. to keep the sparks flying. I try to be romantic though not all of my ideas go according to plan. I try to surprise him with little things like foot rubs and his favorite foods. Whatever I know will make him happy. But when do I get my little surprises? My romantic nights? Nights not planned by me.
It's not fair to be this way when he's got all this stuff going on in his life. Stuff way more important than spoiling me. I guess I'm a little selfish. Maybe very selfish, I don't know. I've always been the one to give and give and give in my relationships. All I ever ask for is equal reciprocation, and I never seem to be satisfied with what I receive. It makes me sound like such a terrible person. Lately I've been wondering if I'll ever be satisfied.
I love him more than I've ever loved anybody. We're on the most innate psychic level I swear I could practically read his mind sometimes. Our emotions are almost always in sync and we bounce positive energy off of each other to balance the other out. It's amazing. I've never experienced this kind of connection before. The feeling of having somebody out there that was made just for you. To complement you perfectly. Like you're hearts and minds are made from the same material. The feeling that there is some one who understands you perfectly inside and out like nobody else ever could no matter how hard they tried. Like you were made for this person. It makes me feel like I have a reason to be here. I exist for him.
I need to have a part in his life.
Anyway.. I'm a little stressed out. Well.. more like.. concerned.. or something like that. I'm having relationship concerns. I shouldn't be, but I am. I have no legitimate reason to. So, what's the problem you ask? I feel ..neglected? Damn. I can't think of a suitable term. Not neglected.. but.. more like.. left behind, I guess. I know it's not intentional. He's just got so much going on that there's really no time for us, or me. I lavish him in attention and I know he loves and appreciates it more than anyone in the entire world. It just stings when I don't get it back because he's too busy or too tired.
It's not his fault. He works so hard at his job and his senior year is crucial to his hopes for a career. He works is ass off so when he gets time to himself I let him sit and play his Xbox without nagging him to go out or pining for attention. He deserves to do exactly what he wants with the little time he has to relax. But it's coming to a point where I'm struggling to keep our connection alive.. to keep the sparks flying. I try to be romantic though not all of my ideas go according to plan. I try to surprise him with little things like foot rubs and his favorite foods. Whatever I know will make him happy. But when do I get my little surprises? My romantic nights? Nights not planned by me.
It's not fair to be this way when he's got all this stuff going on in his life. Stuff way more important than spoiling me. I guess I'm a little selfish. Maybe very selfish, I don't know. I've always been the one to give and give and give in my relationships. All I ever ask for is equal reciprocation, and I never seem to be satisfied with what I receive. It makes me sound like such a terrible person. Lately I've been wondering if I'll ever be satisfied.
I love him more than I've ever loved anybody. We're on the most innate psychic level I swear I could practically read his mind sometimes. Our emotions are almost always in sync and we bounce positive energy off of each other to balance the other out. It's amazing. I've never experienced this kind of connection before. The feeling of having somebody out there that was made just for you. To complement you perfectly. Like you're hearts and minds are made from the same material. The feeling that there is some one who understands you perfectly inside and out like nobody else ever could no matter how hard they tried. Like you were made for this person. It makes me feel like I have a reason to be here. I exist for him.
I need to have a part in his life.