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Late at night I think to myself, alot. [I] think about shit that probably never should cross my mind at any time. Like why should I even try? Why do I continue the friendships that Ive established? Why havent I killed myself yet, when my world is filled with chaos, worry, delusion, paranoia, stress, angst, depression, as well as other things (
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-Just hoping a reply will make you smile a little-
"Ever look at yourself in the mirror? No, I mean really look? Look at your eyes, hair, skin, etc.. I do/have, to me I look grotesque, utterly grotesque. I cannot see what others do. Whatever they see is beyond me, for it is inconceivable. I do understand that people see the inside of me, however everytime I look, all I see is... well basically shit. Its all negative."
Yes and i know how you're feeling. I'm going through that right now. I don't understand what others see when they say I'm beautiful. I see the complete opposite and i always will. But slowly, i am beginning to learn to love myself as i am, for I will never change. I will always be like this. It is who i am. Take some time. Look in the mirror and tell yourself "This is me and I am beautiful."
( =) Hush. That's not lying to yourself.)
Or maybe just take some 'PHiL' time. Pamper yourself. Take a warm bath. Burn some inscents, light some candles, listen to something soothing. Just rest..Clear your mind?. May sound like a waste of time, but it works. It really relieves negativity and stress.
You look extremely incredible when your face has an expression of optimism. Smile a little and Feel much better.
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