(no subject)
So.. i haven't gotten up this early in awhile.. i hardley had shit for sleep and i took a sleeping pill.. i don't think it ever kicked in. 0_o anyways, my mums is going into Surgery at 9:00am.. 5 mins to be precise. She has to get a cyst removed.. they dunno if they can remove it.. but they're going to try.
I sat back and analyzed everything thats going on in my life right now.
Honestly... there's not a whole hell of a lot..
I sleep a shitload.. i'm up for maybe 10 hours of the day.. i sleep more then i piss.. (keep in mind this is only when i don't get out of the house) smoke a shitload of cigarettes.. play online and do it all over again.. how fucking boring. I don't have a job... i don't go to school... i don't have a car.. I'm living with a family that doesn't give a shit if i lived or died.. and my social life includes digital people.
How depressing.
When i do get out of the house.. all i can think about it getting royally fucked up.. don't get me wrong.. i love to be under the influence.
Most of you are probably asking yourself.. why the fuck are you bitching.. yeah. it does seem like a perfect life.. not having to work and shit like that.. but i really miss the discilpline. Getting to do whatever the fuck you want.. without consequences.. gets kinda old after awhile.
Yeah i go to concerts and shit.. but while im there.. im always getting drunk.
I do believe.. the lack of getting out of the houseis because i dont have a car.. if i had a car.. no one would ever see me.
I have money saved up.. its just no one wants to go car shopping or help me look for a car.. i always hear "yeah my friends selling this car... oh yeah i know someone with a car" and yet they never actually follow through..
I had someone looking for a car for me.. he never got back to me on it.
In a couple of months i turn 19.. somehow im not all that excited with what i've done with my life in 19 years.
Which i really haven't done much.. besides go to some killer parties.
The only thing i regret.. is the way i've treated my mother.
I used to scream at her.. and i use to put her down.. i used to tell her i hated her everyday.. it wasn't that i hated her.. i hated what she lived with, and what she made me live with.(her boyfriend)
He was horriable..
Then i dropped out of school.. got in a shitload of trouble.. and that lead up until now.
I really regret dropping out of school.. but then again the only reason i went was to piss people off..i wouldn't have graduated anyway.
But i regret it.
So now.. getting my life in order is my highest priority.
Im sure i'll just delay it more.
But its on my list of things to do.
haha.
yeah.. so that's that.. i really had this whole reality check hit me at 9:30 in the morning. yay for me
<3
I sat back and analyzed everything thats going on in my life right now.
Honestly... there's not a whole hell of a lot..
I sleep a shitload.. i'm up for maybe 10 hours of the day.. i sleep more then i piss.. (keep in mind this is only when i don't get out of the house) smoke a shitload of cigarettes.. play online and do it all over again.. how fucking boring. I don't have a job... i don't go to school... i don't have a car.. I'm living with a family that doesn't give a shit if i lived or died.. and my social life includes digital people.
How depressing.
When i do get out of the house.. all i can think about it getting royally fucked up.. don't get me wrong.. i love to be under the influence.
Most of you are probably asking yourself.. why the fuck are you bitching.. yeah. it does seem like a perfect life.. not having to work and shit like that.. but i really miss the discilpline. Getting to do whatever the fuck you want.. without consequences.. gets kinda old after awhile.
Yeah i go to concerts and shit.. but while im there.. im always getting drunk.
I do believe.. the lack of getting out of the houseis because i dont have a car.. if i had a car.. no one would ever see me.
I have money saved up.. its just no one wants to go car shopping or help me look for a car.. i always hear "yeah my friends selling this car... oh yeah i know someone with a car" and yet they never actually follow through..
I had someone looking for a car for me.. he never got back to me on it.
In a couple of months i turn 19.. somehow im not all that excited with what i've done with my life in 19 years.
Which i really haven't done much.. besides go to some killer parties.
The only thing i regret.. is the way i've treated my mother.
I used to scream at her.. and i use to put her down.. i used to tell her i hated her everyday.. it wasn't that i hated her.. i hated what she lived with, and what she made me live with.(her boyfriend)
He was horriable..
Then i dropped out of school.. got in a shitload of trouble.. and that lead up until now.
I really regret dropping out of school.. but then again the only reason i went was to piss people off..i wouldn't have graduated anyway.
But i regret it.
So now.. getting my life in order is my highest priority.
Im sure i'll just delay it more.
But its on my list of things to do.
haha.
yeah.. so that's that.. i really had this whole reality check hit me at 9:30 in the morning. yay for me
<3