Do Not Attempt This At Home(Try an Uncle's House)

[syntheticchiken]

WHAT I DID YESTERDAY: Drive to Effingham, have lunch with grandparents, go out to uncle's house in middle of woods. Grab empty milk jugs. Fill milk jugs with water. Tie milk jugs one at a time onto rope. Grab pistol(your choice of 44 magnum, 40, or 39 with laser sight). Have someone run while pulling rope. Blast holy hell out of milk jugs, if you hit, water geysers up, jug rips in pieces, if you miss, dirt is blasted airborne. Fun either way. We actually began warming up shooting small targets, and though I missed many times, to quote my uncle, "If that was a guy, he would be dead", because they were all within 2 inches or less(or on) the target. I was so proud of myself. I also helped dad throw out his back(which happened later) lifting a 300lb tree stump into the van. Yes, apparently because of our "Saxon" blood, my father's family (yes, including me) is rather attached to trees we feel as important, or holding nastalgic memories. If you think about it, trees are living and ancient onlookers as you played in a woods you loved, and are resliant to the test of time, there on a mission to remind you of the good times you've had, and to avoid becoming too corny and emotional, I will end here.Henry

URGENT MESSAGE TO AMERICANS FROM DAVE BARRY:

If you are not passing, GET OUT OF THE LEFT DAMN LANE.-Dave Barry