It's a Dog's Life
Title: It's a Dog's Life
Author:
xx_anarchy_xxor
synthetic_tales
Rating: R for language
Pairing: Mikey/Frank, Implied Gerard/Frank
Disclaimer: I own nothing but merchandice and an overactive imagination
Summary: Most of my day is spent lying around the house and pretending I’m asleep so I don’t have to do anything, not that I’m made to do anything anyway. We watch Mikey run around in a frenzy getting ready for work or getting ready for Frank...
Warnings: Serious crack, AU
Author's Note: This idea came to me in the exam hall yesterday. My mind had a little melt down and this is the result.
“I think you need another trip to the groomers Ray,” Mikey said, putting my full food bowl on the floor. “Your fur’s getting long again.”
Bob smirked at me from the countertop, knowing that’s where I wanted to be, to be closer to Mikey so I can get more of his affection. I love my master a little more than I know I should. It’s why Bob loves to smirk at me from high places, to rub it in, so I can’t reach him to try and snap one of his legs in my jaw.
‘Yeah Ray you shaggy bastard. You gotta learn to take care of yourself, like me,” he purred, rubbing himself against Mikey as he leant against the counter. I’m naturally trained to hate Bob (cause he’s a fucking cat!) but he’s not so bad once you get past the initial ego barrier.
‘The only reason you look the way you do is because you spend most of your day licking yourself and coughing up fur balls,’ I pointed out, feeling a tinge of jealousy about his appearance, the sleek white fur and big blue eyes, the long tail that on so many occasions I’ve wanted to bite off because it can wrap itself around Mikey’s slender wrists. Compared to me he looks like some kind of purebred god. I’m just a big ball of dark curls. Bob gracefully leapt off the counter when Mikey put his food on the floor too.
‘He’s right though,’ he said with a mouthful of biscuits.
‘If he is that means you’ll have to come along too.’
‘Doesn’t bother me.’
The smell of Mikey’s morning drink floated through the air. I don’t know what it is but its acrid smell gets stuck at the back of my throat like dry grass clipping in my fur.
After eating Mikey lets me outside. I think he expects me to bound down the steps and start chasing the birds like a juvenile puppy on kibble. Instead I like to take my time and wonder around, seeing if anyone has been in my space during the night. The other neighbourhood cats have learnt their lesson from the last time one of them dared to act like their owned my space. Stupid thing couldn’t walk right for months after I cornered it. Of course Bob had to have a go at me about it but it’s hard to take a threat seriously from a pretty boy with an ego too big to fit through the flap.
Most of my day is spent lying around the house and pretending I’m asleep so I don’t have to do anything, not that I’m made to do anything anyway. We watch Mikey run around in a frenzy getting ready for work or getting ready for Frank. We’re not sure what to make of Frank because we don’t see a lot of him. Occasionally he’ll play with us but it’s never for very long. Mikey always drags him upstairs. It leaves Bob and I staring at the ceiling when the thumping starts.
‘What do you think they do up there?” I asked. The light started shaking a little. Bob’s tail flicked from side to side and he lounged on the arm of the couch.
‘I don’t know but they must like it. They do it a lot.’
‘Do you think it’s the same when Gerard looked after us, when Mikey went on vacation?’ Frank and Gerard had to same kind of routine Mikey and Frank do, but their thumping was much louder, almost to the point where I had to put my paws over my ears to block it out.
‘Certainly sounds the same,’ Bob mewed. ‘Wanna go see what it is?’
‘Na, we tried that before remember? They close the door now.’
‘How about if you go and stand next to the door? You’ve got better hearing than me so you might be able to make out what it is.’
‘No,’ I said flatly.
‘Why not?’
‘Cause that means I’ll have to move and this spot just got warm.’
‘Come on you lazy bastard! Do something for once.’
‘Oh that’s rich coming from you!’ I growled, feeling myself getting angry.
‘If I go too, will that make you move?’ Bob conceded, getting ready to jump off the couch. I thought about it.
‘Yeah okay, lets go.’
We slowly made out way up the stairs and the noises got louder and more jumbled. Mikey didn’t sound like Mikey anymore. His voice was higher and more breathy, like he was sinking in a swimming pool and gasping for air. Frank’s voice was deep, really deep. I desperately wanted to run into the room and save Mikey from Frank, who was obviously hurting him, cause he kept panting and swearing and sounding like he was in pain the way he was whining.
‘He’s trying to kill him!’ I yelled at Bob, who was standing on the banister.
‘What to we do?’ He asked, wobbling on his feet a little.
‘There’s nothing we can do. They closed the door.’
‘Then maybe Mikey wants it.’
‘Why would Mikey want it? And if he dies who’s gonna look after us? Gerard? Cause I know you don’t like him.’
‘He can’t get the right cap nip. How hard is it to choose the one with the stripy cat on the front of the bag?’ He bitched. Bob and Gerard really didn’t get on so whenever he has to look after us Bob makes his life hell. It’s funny but very cruel. I keep telling him that some human charity is gonna come round and take him away but he doesn’t seem to care.
‘We can’t do anything until they open the door,’ I said, bringing the subject back to the more immediate problem.
‘Well if they kill each other they’ll never open the door!’ Mikey and Frank’s noises got louder and more frantic. I couldn’t bare thinking about what that bastard was doing to my Mikey so I ran down the stairs and buried my head under my blanket. The thumping stopped. I held my breath. Frank had killed Mikey. I howled quietly. No more Mikey meant I would have to live with the unrequited love I had for him, it meant no more routine, no more hour long walks on weekends and no more of his petting when he watched the flashing box in the corner of the living room. I felt Bob walk up next to me.
‘It won’t be so bad,’ he said. ‘We can torture Gerard together.’
‘It’s not the same when we don’t have to come back to Mikey. We’ll have to live round there all the time, in the disgusting smokey haze with more of the acrid smell that we only really have to experience in the mornings. We’d have to live in the tiny ass apartment and probably never really go out on the sun ever again!’
‘Oh god! I’m gonna reek!’
‘Is that all you care about? Our master is dead!’ I yelled, growling at Bob so I was inches away from his face, baring my teeth that could easily crush his head. A door upstairs creaking open stopped me. We both turned and looked at the stairs to see both Mikey and Frank smiling, looking very flustered and red faced.
‘HE’S NOT DEAD! OH HALLELUJAH!’ I sang happily, running over to him and rubbing myself against his leg.
“Someone’s happy,” he grinned, petting my head. I growled at Frank as he headed for the door. He made me think my master was dead. I wanted to tear his ankles out from his legs so he’d never walk again. I think I would have done too if Mikey didn’t have a hold of my collar. I really don’t like Frank now. I’ll have to make sure to snap at him when he’s next over here.
“Ray! Stop it!” Mikey ordered, dragged me away from the door and back into the living room. I only relaxed when I knew Frank was past the front gate.
‘Next time Frank. Next time I’ll bite your fucking head off!’ I barked. ‘And Bob’ll scratch your eyes out!’
‘Egh, no. Too messy,’ he purred, taking his place back on the arm of the couch.
‘God you’re such a pussy!’
‘A pampered pussy.’
Author:
xx_anarchy_xxor
synthetic_tales
Rating: R for language
Pairing: Mikey/Frank, Implied Gerard/Frank
Disclaimer: I own nothing but merchandice and an overactive imagination
Summary: Most of my day is spent lying around the house and pretending I’m asleep so I don’t have to do anything, not that I’m made to do anything anyway. We watch Mikey run around in a frenzy getting ready for work or getting ready for Frank...
Warnings: Serious crack, AU
Author's Note: This idea came to me in the exam hall yesterday. My mind had a little melt down and this is the result.
“I think you need another trip to the groomers Ray,” Mikey said, putting my full food bowl on the floor. “Your fur’s getting long again.”
Bob smirked at me from the countertop, knowing that’s where I wanted to be, to be closer to Mikey so I can get more of his affection. I love my master a little more than I know I should. It’s why Bob loves to smirk at me from high places, to rub it in, so I can’t reach him to try and snap one of his legs in my jaw.
‘Yeah Ray you shaggy bastard. You gotta learn to take care of yourself, like me,” he purred, rubbing himself against Mikey as he leant against the counter. I’m naturally trained to hate Bob (cause he’s a fucking cat!) but he’s not so bad once you get past the initial ego barrier.
‘The only reason you look the way you do is because you spend most of your day licking yourself and coughing up fur balls,’ I pointed out, feeling a tinge of jealousy about his appearance, the sleek white fur and big blue eyes, the long tail that on so many occasions I’ve wanted to bite off because it can wrap itself around Mikey’s slender wrists. Compared to me he looks like some kind of purebred god. I’m just a big ball of dark curls. Bob gracefully leapt off the counter when Mikey put his food on the floor too.
‘He’s right though,’ he said with a mouthful of biscuits.
‘If he is that means you’ll have to come along too.’
‘Doesn’t bother me.’
The smell of Mikey’s morning drink floated through the air. I don’t know what it is but its acrid smell gets stuck at the back of my throat like dry grass clipping in my fur.
After eating Mikey lets me outside. I think he expects me to bound down the steps and start chasing the birds like a juvenile puppy on kibble. Instead I like to take my time and wonder around, seeing if anyone has been in my space during the night. The other neighbourhood cats have learnt their lesson from the last time one of them dared to act like their owned my space. Stupid thing couldn’t walk right for months after I cornered it. Of course Bob had to have a go at me about it but it’s hard to take a threat seriously from a pretty boy with an ego too big to fit through the flap.
Most of my day is spent lying around the house and pretending I’m asleep so I don’t have to do anything, not that I’m made to do anything anyway. We watch Mikey run around in a frenzy getting ready for work or getting ready for Frank. We’re not sure what to make of Frank because we don’t see a lot of him. Occasionally he’ll play with us but it’s never for very long. Mikey always drags him upstairs. It leaves Bob and I staring at the ceiling when the thumping starts.
‘What do you think they do up there?” I asked. The light started shaking a little. Bob’s tail flicked from side to side and he lounged on the arm of the couch.
‘I don’t know but they must like it. They do it a lot.’
‘Do you think it’s the same when Gerard looked after us, when Mikey went on vacation?’ Frank and Gerard had to same kind of routine Mikey and Frank do, but their thumping was much louder, almost to the point where I had to put my paws over my ears to block it out.
‘Certainly sounds the same,’ Bob mewed. ‘Wanna go see what it is?’
‘Na, we tried that before remember? They close the door now.’
‘How about if you go and stand next to the door? You’ve got better hearing than me so you might be able to make out what it is.’
‘No,’ I said flatly.
‘Why not?’
‘Cause that means I’ll have to move and this spot just got warm.’
‘Come on you lazy bastard! Do something for once.’
‘Oh that’s rich coming from you!’ I growled, feeling myself getting angry.
‘If I go too, will that make you move?’ Bob conceded, getting ready to jump off the couch. I thought about it.
‘Yeah okay, lets go.’
We slowly made out way up the stairs and the noises got louder and more jumbled. Mikey didn’t sound like Mikey anymore. His voice was higher and more breathy, like he was sinking in a swimming pool and gasping for air. Frank’s voice was deep, really deep. I desperately wanted to run into the room and save Mikey from Frank, who was obviously hurting him, cause he kept panting and swearing and sounding like he was in pain the way he was whining.
‘He’s trying to kill him!’ I yelled at Bob, who was standing on the banister.
‘What to we do?’ He asked, wobbling on his feet a little.
‘There’s nothing we can do. They closed the door.’
‘Then maybe Mikey wants it.’
‘Why would Mikey want it? And if he dies who’s gonna look after us? Gerard? Cause I know you don’t like him.’
‘He can’t get the right cap nip. How hard is it to choose the one with the stripy cat on the front of the bag?’ He bitched. Bob and Gerard really didn’t get on so whenever he has to look after us Bob makes his life hell. It’s funny but very cruel. I keep telling him that some human charity is gonna come round and take him away but he doesn’t seem to care.
‘We can’t do anything until they open the door,’ I said, bringing the subject back to the more immediate problem.
‘Well if they kill each other they’ll never open the door!’ Mikey and Frank’s noises got louder and more frantic. I couldn’t bare thinking about what that bastard was doing to my Mikey so I ran down the stairs and buried my head under my blanket. The thumping stopped. I held my breath. Frank had killed Mikey. I howled quietly. No more Mikey meant I would have to live with the unrequited love I had for him, it meant no more routine, no more hour long walks on weekends and no more of his petting when he watched the flashing box in the corner of the living room. I felt Bob walk up next to me.
‘It won’t be so bad,’ he said. ‘We can torture Gerard together.’
‘It’s not the same when we don’t have to come back to Mikey. We’ll have to live round there all the time, in the disgusting smokey haze with more of the acrid smell that we only really have to experience in the mornings. We’d have to live in the tiny ass apartment and probably never really go out on the sun ever again!’
‘Oh god! I’m gonna reek!’
‘Is that all you care about? Our master is dead!’ I yelled, growling at Bob so I was inches away from his face, baring my teeth that could easily crush his head. A door upstairs creaking open stopped me. We both turned and looked at the stairs to see both Mikey and Frank smiling, looking very flustered and red faced.
‘HE’S NOT DEAD! OH HALLELUJAH!’ I sang happily, running over to him and rubbing myself against his leg.
“Someone’s happy,” he grinned, petting my head. I growled at Frank as he headed for the door. He made me think my master was dead. I wanted to tear his ankles out from his legs so he’d never walk again. I think I would have done too if Mikey didn’t have a hold of my collar. I really don’t like Frank now. I’ll have to make sure to snap at him when he’s next over here.
“Ray! Stop it!” Mikey ordered, dragged me away from the door and back into the living room. I only relaxed when I knew Frank was past the front gate.
‘Next time Frank. Next time I’ll bite your fucking head off!’ I barked. ‘And Bob’ll scratch your eyes out!’
‘Egh, no. Too messy,’ he purred, taking his place back on the arm of the couch.
‘God you’re such a pussy!’
‘A pampered pussy.’