__?&: [020]
Normally I wouldn't get so angry about this.
When Kitty started smoking,
And Mel started smoking,
And Melissa started smoking,
AND THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD STARTED SMOKING,
I didn't care. Not really. It wasn't my problem.
And on New Year's day, when we were waiting outside of McDonald's for it to open at seven in the morning, and Mel was smoking...
Merlin walked over...
Grabbed the cigarette out of her mouth...
And threw it on the ground and stamped on it.
Though Mel will probably be angry at me for saying this, but I feel that she only smokes to look cool, as the cliche goes. This angers me.
REGARDLESS.
Merlin and I would have conversations about why it was horrible.
Why there was so little reason to smoke.
How when you surround yourself with people bent on a similar goal, you will give in.
So if you surround yourself with people bent on slow self-destruction...
You will eventually give in.
And the boy who refused to buy cigarettes for younger people.
And hated the things passionately.
IS NOW FUCKING SMOKING.
MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD.
And I am SO angry.
And I found out last night.
Not from him, but from two of my close friends.
Is that why he didn't come over and hug me?
Was he afraid that the jacket I gave him for his birthday would reek from the stench of Newports, or Marlboros?
And when I call him, he doesn't have an excuse.
But ten minutes later, when he calls me back and I'm in the bathroom pretending to be okay, then he has an excuse.
BUT THERE IS NO FUCKING EXCUSE.
And he disgusts me. So horribly.
FUCKING DISGUSTS ME.
Everyone around me is SMOKING.
DOING DRUGS.
DRINKING.
My own fucking BOYFRIEND is addicted to fucking COKE.
And everywhere I kiss him, he tastes like Menthol.
My mother had throat surgery because of smoking, and she still does it.
My brother took up smoking even though my mom's second hand smoke gave him asthma.
He got a throat infection.
My aunt smokes cigarettes and her throat grates horribly. She does pills too, we found her in the hallway half conscious and unable to stand one day. I don't think I understood what was going on at the time.
My grandfather carries around an oxygen tank because he smoked so much he got emphezima.
AND NOW THE ONE PERSON I SWORE I COULD DEPEND ON NOT TO FALL VICTIM TO THIS DISGUSTING, USELESS, HORRIBLE SHIT.
Did.
I want to fucking die.
I want to fucking kill him.
Hey, Dani's nice and all, BUT IT'S HER FUCKING FAULT.
And I want to fucking kill her.
I want to like her for being a nice person, but I want to kill her for doing this to him.
Merlin is only ever impressionable through the people he is infatuated with.
Further, I have a new boyfriend.
His name is Ginny. If you speak with me, I've probably told you about him.
And I adore him. And care a lot about him.
But everytime I call him I have to ask "Are you fucked up?"
And everytime he calls me he tells me, "I passed out last night on Xanax."
"I love Vodka."
"I have a black-eye from fighting last night. Why did I fight? Fun."
How did I end up with someone like this, little Miss Straight-edge Skippy?
How the fuck should I know.
But if I could kiss his neck, or his chest, or the roses tattooed on his back, and not taste cigarette smoke and weed...
I would be very, very grateful.
I have a policy, where I am straight-edge for myself. I will never, ever tell someone who smokes or drinks or does drugs to stop doing them. The reason behind that is, the more you tell someone not to, the more they will do it.
But sometimes I want to scream at Ginny.
And scream at Mel.
And scream at Kitty.
And scream at Russo.
And now, I have screamed at Merlin.
That this doesn't only hurt them, it hurts the people that care about them.
It hurts me, and it hurts Lauren.
It hurts Uriel.
It's going to hurt your family when they figure it out.
If they haven't already.
It hurts everyone who ever heard you say that you wouldn't fall for this bullshit, only to find that you gave in.
It doesn't make you stronger.
Or more mature.
Or more experienced.
Because while you've said that you've changed and matured...
You still act like thirteen year olds trying to impress anyone you think is superior to you.
Look at you.
When Jason shows up at the house, you all start acting like idiots.
When Alexis showed up, Liz ran out "OOH! Illegal substances!"
How pathetic.
I don't care if everyone hates me after this, because it's been bothering me for so long that I'm glad I've finally said it.
And if you do decide to hate me for it (which would be sad, because I've tried so hard to stay entirely neutral), it won't matter that much.
Because you're all turning into people that I hate too.
Hey Merlin. You're sure as Hell not earning your wings this way.
∞ 5yn7h ;;
When Kitty started smoking,
And Mel started smoking,
And Melissa started smoking,
AND THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD STARTED SMOKING,
I didn't care. Not really. It wasn't my problem.
And on New Year's day, when we were waiting outside of McDonald's for it to open at seven in the morning, and Mel was smoking...
Merlin walked over...
Grabbed the cigarette out of her mouth...
And threw it on the ground and stamped on it.
Though Mel will probably be angry at me for saying this, but I feel that she only smokes to look cool, as the cliche goes. This angers me.
REGARDLESS.
Merlin and I would have conversations about why it was horrible.
Why there was so little reason to smoke.
How when you surround yourself with people bent on a similar goal, you will give in.
So if you surround yourself with people bent on slow self-destruction...
You will eventually give in.
And the boy who refused to buy cigarettes for younger people.
And hated the things passionately.
IS NOW FUCKING SMOKING.
MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD.
And I am SO angry.
And I found out last night.
Not from him, but from two of my close friends.
Is that why he didn't come over and hug me?
Was he afraid that the jacket I gave him for his birthday would reek from the stench of Newports, or Marlboros?
And when I call him, he doesn't have an excuse.
But ten minutes later, when he calls me back and I'm in the bathroom pretending to be okay, then he has an excuse.
BUT THERE IS NO FUCKING EXCUSE.
And he disgusts me. So horribly.
FUCKING DISGUSTS ME.
Everyone around me is SMOKING.
DOING DRUGS.
DRINKING.
My own fucking BOYFRIEND is addicted to fucking COKE.
And everywhere I kiss him, he tastes like Menthol.
My mother had throat surgery because of smoking, and she still does it.
My brother took up smoking even though my mom's second hand smoke gave him asthma.
He got a throat infection.
My aunt smokes cigarettes and her throat grates horribly. She does pills too, we found her in the hallway half conscious and unable to stand one day. I don't think I understood what was going on at the time.
My grandfather carries around an oxygen tank because he smoked so much he got emphezima.
AND NOW THE ONE PERSON I SWORE I COULD DEPEND ON NOT TO FALL VICTIM TO THIS DISGUSTING, USELESS, HORRIBLE SHIT.
Did.
I want to fucking die.
I want to fucking kill him.
Hey, Dani's nice and all, BUT IT'S HER FUCKING FAULT.
And I want to fucking kill her.
I want to like her for being a nice person, but I want to kill her for doing this to him.
Merlin is only ever impressionable through the people he is infatuated with.
Further, I have a new boyfriend.
His name is Ginny. If you speak with me, I've probably told you about him.
And I adore him. And care a lot about him.
But everytime I call him I have to ask "Are you fucked up?"
And everytime he calls me he tells me, "I passed out last night on Xanax."
"I love Vodka."
"I have a black-eye from fighting last night. Why did I fight? Fun."
How did I end up with someone like this, little Miss Straight-edge Skippy?
How the fuck should I know.
But if I could kiss his neck, or his chest, or the roses tattooed on his back, and not taste cigarette smoke and weed...
I would be very, very grateful.
I have a policy, where I am straight-edge for myself. I will never, ever tell someone who smokes or drinks or does drugs to stop doing them. The reason behind that is, the more you tell someone not to, the more they will do it.
But sometimes I want to scream at Ginny.
And scream at Mel.
And scream at Kitty.
And scream at Russo.
And now, I have screamed at Merlin.
That this doesn't only hurt them, it hurts the people that care about them.
It hurts me, and it hurts Lauren.
It hurts Uriel.
It's going to hurt your family when they figure it out.
If they haven't already.
It hurts everyone who ever heard you say that you wouldn't fall for this bullshit, only to find that you gave in.
It doesn't make you stronger.
Or more mature.
Or more experienced.
Because while you've said that you've changed and matured...
You still act like thirteen year olds trying to impress anyone you think is superior to you.
Look at you.
When Jason shows up at the house, you all start acting like idiots.
When Alexis showed up, Liz ran out "OOH! Illegal substances!"
How pathetic.
I don't care if everyone hates me after this, because it's been bothering me for so long that I'm glad I've finally said it.
And if you do decide to hate me for it (which would be sad, because I've tried so hard to stay entirely neutral), it won't matter that much.
Because you're all turning into people that I hate too.
Hey Merlin. You're sure as Hell not earning your wings this way.
∞ 5yn7h ;;