Happy?
I swear, there is fun and interresting stuff happening in my life. Itès just that I can only seem to blog when Ièm hitting a very down moment.
I don't think one could truly heal from a depression. Sure, over time you get more happy than sad moments in your life, but overall, it's always there, lurking in the darkness, willing to bring you down at the first tiny breach it sees in your mood swings.
And it hurts. It hurts because suddenly you call in sick at work all the time without very good reason. Just don't feel like it. Well, actually I do have these killing migraines lately. But I'm not doing much for them.
I take my meds thought. Everyday now. Didn't skipped a day in a long while. Does it help? I dunno, feels like my headaches are worse. Copping with the insane need to pee every 30 minutes, badly, for the first 2-3 hours of the day. Makes for some interresting commuting to work every morning, that's for sure. But hey, it's for the greater good...
Technically, each day I get closer to my goals in life. But it seems each day I wake up it's just another realization thrown in my face that i am indeed still very far ahead from what I want, and how badly I crave it. Then again, could be worst I guess: I could still be working at minimum wage despite so many years of education that lead me to nothing, in the faint hope I'll get a job in my field *snickers*.
Either way, yeah, I'm happy about my job. I just wish I wasn't a front line agent. Then again, I'll definitely be applying in an "off the phone" department after 6 months.
Am I happy with my living arrangements? Meh. It's very obvious I'm moving, hopefully on my own, next july. Jane is a nice person, I truly love her as a friend, but to live with her is enough to turn a sane person bat-shit crazy sometimes.
I'm happy about my bro living with us, that's for sure. I wish he'll make some friends in Montreal, cause he seems quite lonely. Then again, I feel quite lonely too.
I'm in my room, blogging, starring out of the window. I can see the fireworks. It's quite beautiful. Insightful.
So I wish I could shake my mood like a carpet to make the dust go away and be my cute little perky self again. Hopefully this will be over quick.