Losing You II
Title: Losing You
Chapter Title: Break Away
Rating: PG
Fandom: Degrassi TNG
Pairing: Jay/Spinner
Warning: Slash
Author's Notes: Second chapter! Woot! Follows Bad Romance and Again.
Progress: 2/5
Prompt: I hate myself at un_love_you
Summary: Can Jay and Spinner fix their broken relationship or is it all over for them?
Spinner flicks the ashes from his cigarette over the balcony ledge. He watches them spiral softly down to the ground, only to be whisked away again by the wind. Jay is silent beside him, watching him, waiting for some kind of sign that they'll be alright. Spinner doesn't give him one and eventually he turns away. The silence is smothering them, but Spinner doesn't know what to say to break it. There's nothing he can say, nothing he wants to say, but the silence is getting to him, making him want to scream.
“Maybe we should take a break.” Jay says slowly, not looking over at Spinner.
“A break from what? Trying to figure us out? Okay, that's fine.” Spinner drops his cigarette onto the ground, grinding it beneath his heel.
“No, a break from us. Maybe we should just go our separate ways for a while and then see if we still want to try again.” The words hurt him, but Jay forces them out.
“Do you really want to do that?” Spinner asks, opening the glass door and slipping back inside Alex's warm apartment.
Jay follows, “No, but I think it's our only choice here if we want to figure this thing out.”
“Sure this isn't some lame way of breaking up with me because that's what you wanted to do the entire time and that's why you slept with that girl?” Spinner's words are harsh and Jay knows he deserves them, but they still cut deeper than anything else Spinner's said to him all night.
“I love you. I don't want to break up, but I think it's best if we do, rather than us staying together and letting this poison our relationship.” Jay sits down on the couch and is pleased when Spinner sits down next to him. Sure, there's an entire cushion between them, but it's something, right?
“Fine. Whatever you want.” Spinner sighs, rubbing his face with his hands.
The front door opens and they hear Alex's footsteps in the hall. She pokes her head into the living room asking, “Work everything or still trying to?”
Neither of them answer and she walks back in, a bottle of water in her hand. “Guys? You okay?”
“Fine.” Jay gives her a distracted glance.
“We're okay for now. We've got an idea of what we're going to do, so we'll get out of your hair now.” Spinner gives a shaky smile and a hug and Jay does the same before they both head out the door, leaving her standing in the living room, confused.
They walk down to the parking lot, not saying a word to each other. Jay pauses by the Civic and Spinner glances over at him as he unlocks his own car door. “I think I'm going to stay at Sean's tonight.”
Spinner nods and drives away, leaving Jay staring the red of his tail lights. He sighs and climbs into his own car and drives away. This isn't how things are supposed to be between them. Things are supposed to be easy, happy, and loving. Not difficult, depressed, and hateful. It's his fault though. If he could just keep his mouth shut and his dick in his pants, then they wouldn't have to break up just so they can maybe fix things between them in the future. He heads for Sean's house and knocks on the door. Sean answers, not even looking surprised that Jay is showing up this late at night. He knows exactly what's going on with Jay and Spinner. He steps aside and lets Jay walk in, flopping himself down on the couch.
“So I take it it didn't go well.” It's not really a question as Sean hands him a beer, but he answers it anyway.
“No. We broke up.” Jay drinks about half the bottle in one gulp.
“Really? I thought you were going to fix it with him tonight.” Sean sips at his own bottle.
“It was my idea. If he couldn't tell me he loved me without even knowing if he meant it or not, then I think we need a break from each other.” Jay takes a smaller swallow this time.
“Oh. For how long?” Sean asks lightly.
“Don't know. For however long it takes, I guess.” Jay drains the last of his beer and accepts the second one Sean hands him.
“I'm sure some time apart will let him clear his head and you two will be back together soon.” Sean says, trying to comfort Jay. He's never been good at this kind of thing, wouldn't even bother trying with anyone else, but this is Jay, his best friend, and so he does, though he knows it's not enough.
“I hope you're right. I hate myself so much right now for what I did to him.” Jay scrubs his hands down his face after putting the bottle on the coffee table in front of him.
Sean stays quiet, not knowing what to say. Anything that he would normally say would be a lie. You can't beat yourself up over this, it's not your fault. It is Jay's fault and he deserves his self loathing. Don't worry about, it'll work out, he still loves you. Sean doesn't know if it will work out and Jay should worry because even Spinner himself doesn't know if he loves Jay right now or not.
“I can't believe that I would do something so stupid like that. It nearly killed me to see him standing there, looking so disappointed and hurt. I caused him pain. Me! The one person that he thought he could trust not to hurt. I'm such a fuck up man. What am I going to do? What if he decides he doesn't love me after all?” Jay's looking at him with wild, desperate eyes, pleading with him to tell him that everything's going to be okay, even if they both know it's a lie.
So Sean does. He tells him everything he wants to hear and pats him on the back and brings him a beer, but the truth is he really doesn't know if everything's going to be alright, if Spinner will still love him. He hopes Spinner will, but to be honest, he wouldn't bet on it.
Jay calms somewhat, listening to Sean's mumbled comforts. He asks if he can crash here tonight and Sean says yes, and digs him out a blanket and pillow. Jay kicks off his shoes and curls up underneath the cover. He doesn't fall asleep for a long while, wishing he had never told Spinner that they should take a break.
Chapter Title: Break Away
Rating: PG
Fandom: Degrassi TNG
Pairing: Jay/Spinner
Warning: Slash
Author's Notes: Second chapter! Woot! Follows Bad Romance and Again.
Progress: 2/5
Prompt: I hate myself at un_love_you
Summary: Can Jay and Spinner fix their broken relationship or is it all over for them?
Spinner flicks the ashes from his cigarette over the balcony ledge. He watches them spiral softly down to the ground, only to be whisked away again by the wind. Jay is silent beside him, watching him, waiting for some kind of sign that they'll be alright. Spinner doesn't give him one and eventually he turns away. The silence is smothering them, but Spinner doesn't know what to say to break it. There's nothing he can say, nothing he wants to say, but the silence is getting to him, making him want to scream.
“Maybe we should take a break.” Jay says slowly, not looking over at Spinner.
“A break from what? Trying to figure us out? Okay, that's fine.” Spinner drops his cigarette onto the ground, grinding it beneath his heel.
“No, a break from us. Maybe we should just go our separate ways for a while and then see if we still want to try again.” The words hurt him, but Jay forces them out.
“Do you really want to do that?” Spinner asks, opening the glass door and slipping back inside Alex's warm apartment.
Jay follows, “No, but I think it's our only choice here if we want to figure this thing out.”
“Sure this isn't some lame way of breaking up with me because that's what you wanted to do the entire time and that's why you slept with that girl?” Spinner's words are harsh and Jay knows he deserves them, but they still cut deeper than anything else Spinner's said to him all night.
“I love you. I don't want to break up, but I think it's best if we do, rather than us staying together and letting this poison our relationship.” Jay sits down on the couch and is pleased when Spinner sits down next to him. Sure, there's an entire cushion between them, but it's something, right?
“Fine. Whatever you want.” Spinner sighs, rubbing his face with his hands.
The front door opens and they hear Alex's footsteps in the hall. She pokes her head into the living room asking, “Work everything or still trying to?”
Neither of them answer and she walks back in, a bottle of water in her hand. “Guys? You okay?”
“Fine.” Jay gives her a distracted glance.
“We're okay for now. We've got an idea of what we're going to do, so we'll get out of your hair now.” Spinner gives a shaky smile and a hug and Jay does the same before they both head out the door, leaving her standing in the living room, confused.
They walk down to the parking lot, not saying a word to each other. Jay pauses by the Civic and Spinner glances over at him as he unlocks his own car door. “I think I'm going to stay at Sean's tonight.”
Spinner nods and drives away, leaving Jay staring the red of his tail lights. He sighs and climbs into his own car and drives away. This isn't how things are supposed to be between them. Things are supposed to be easy, happy, and loving. Not difficult, depressed, and hateful. It's his fault though. If he could just keep his mouth shut and his dick in his pants, then they wouldn't have to break up just so they can maybe fix things between them in the future. He heads for Sean's house and knocks on the door. Sean answers, not even looking surprised that Jay is showing up this late at night. He knows exactly what's going on with Jay and Spinner. He steps aside and lets Jay walk in, flopping himself down on the couch.
“So I take it it didn't go well.” It's not really a question as Sean hands him a beer, but he answers it anyway.
“No. We broke up.” Jay drinks about half the bottle in one gulp.
“Really? I thought you were going to fix it with him tonight.” Sean sips at his own bottle.
“It was my idea. If he couldn't tell me he loved me without even knowing if he meant it or not, then I think we need a break from each other.” Jay takes a smaller swallow this time.
“Oh. For how long?” Sean asks lightly.
“Don't know. For however long it takes, I guess.” Jay drains the last of his beer and accepts the second one Sean hands him.
“I'm sure some time apart will let him clear his head and you two will be back together soon.” Sean says, trying to comfort Jay. He's never been good at this kind of thing, wouldn't even bother trying with anyone else, but this is Jay, his best friend, and so he does, though he knows it's not enough.
“I hope you're right. I hate myself so much right now for what I did to him.” Jay scrubs his hands down his face after putting the bottle on the coffee table in front of him.
Sean stays quiet, not knowing what to say. Anything that he would normally say would be a lie. You can't beat yourself up over this, it's not your fault. It is Jay's fault and he deserves his self loathing. Don't worry about, it'll work out, he still loves you. Sean doesn't know if it will work out and Jay should worry because even Spinner himself doesn't know if he loves Jay right now or not.
“I can't believe that I would do something so stupid like that. It nearly killed me to see him standing there, looking so disappointed and hurt. I caused him pain. Me! The one person that he thought he could trust not to hurt. I'm such a fuck up man. What am I going to do? What if he decides he doesn't love me after all?” Jay's looking at him with wild, desperate eyes, pleading with him to tell him that everything's going to be okay, even if they both know it's a lie.
So Sean does. He tells him everything he wants to hear and pats him on the back and brings him a beer, but the truth is he really doesn't know if everything's going to be alright, if Spinner will still love him. He hopes Spinner will, but to be honest, he wouldn't bet on it.
Jay calms somewhat, listening to Sean's mumbled comforts. He asks if he can crash here tonight and Sean says yes, and digs him out a blanket and pillow. Jay kicks off his shoes and curls up underneath the cover. He doesn't fall asleep for a long while, wishing he had never told Spinner that they should take a break.