Fic: Antidote (Jim Harper & Maggie Jordan; The Newsroom)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Jim Harper, Maggie Jordan
Relationship Status: friends
Spoilers: 2x09 Election Night (Part 2)
Genre: angst, friendship, episode related
Word Count: ~650
Warnings: none
Summary: "Why do you hate me, Maggie?" (post 2x09)
He tried making her understand it wasn't her fault. He tried making it better. He doesn't think he succeeded, but for the first time in months Maggie wasn't spitting venom at him and he thinks that's progress. He thinks maybe he can try again and she'll come around, she'll stop blaming herself and allow herself to be happy again. Maybe she'll smile. He doesn't remember the last time he saw her really smile, without sarcasm, without fakeness.
"Why are you always so mad at me?" he asks interrupting their conversation about the next broadcast. Maggie blinks, clearly thrown by the sudden change of subject, and Jim can see that he's asked the wrong question. He didn't even mean to, it just spilled out. He blames the pull they have on each other - it's still there in some measure, despite everything - they've always demanded honesty from each other.
He notices her expression darkening and he knows she's back in that headspace full of poison. He braces himself and knows it's his fault, he went looking for it this time.
"I'm not mad at you." She spits out, then, more calmly as if it's perfectly plausible, "I hate you."
It hits hard, perhaps harder than he's willing to admit, and he instinctually pushes back just as hard, "Oh, so I'm not just the unfortunate target of your I-hate-the-world-but-really-I-only-hate-myself attitude? Good to know." He cringes inwardly and tries not to think about what Hallie would say if she heard him.
"Don't worry, I hate myself too, but you-" she's starting to raise her voice and in the corner of his eye Jim can see Neal look up at them. He takes her by the arm and leads her out of the newsroom and into the thankfully empty corridor. Surprisingly she goes without a fight and when they face each other again Maggie looks completely drained.
"Why do you hate me, Maggie?" he asks in a whisper, almost pleading.
"Because you stopped being my friend." She answers in a rush, eyes boring into Jim's before looking away.
Jim stands there, lips slightly parted in what could be surprise, but deep down he knows he has no right to be surprised.
"I am your friend." He says weakly, knowing they're empty words, knowing he didn't act like a friend.
"No, you're not!" Her voice rises again, strained with pain. "I know I screwed up." She says more calmly, "I know that. I was just trying not to hurt anybody but I screwed up and I know it's my fault. I lost Don, I lost Lisa…" her eyes fill with unshed tears there and she pauses.
"Don's still your friend." He offers, knowing it's not the point.
"But I lost you first. Don forgave me, but you couldn't even talk to me." She accuses.
"I was hurt too."
"I know. But it's been a year and I hate it when you talk to me like you care, but really the only thing you're worried about is that I might become a liability!"
He knows he's done that and he nods, eyes closed in shame before looking back at her. "I care now." He says, putting as much honesty into it as he can. He needs her to understand that their conversation during election night was genuine, even if it was Hallie who pushed him into it. He wants to care again, wants to be friends again. More than anything he wants to see her get better. He's avoided her because he was scared. The line between caring and caring too much is a fine one and he's already crossed it with horrible results. And yet he truly wants to be there for her.
Maggie's shoulders sag and her face clears a little. She looks exhausted and sad but he thinks maybe some of that poison bled out of her tonight. Maybe a part of her believed him. It's a start.
Characters/Pairings: Jim Harper, Maggie Jordan
Relationship Status: friends
Spoilers: 2x09 Election Night (Part 2)
Genre: angst, friendship, episode related
Word Count: ~650
Warnings: none
Summary: "Why do you hate me, Maggie?" (post 2x09)
He tried making her understand it wasn't her fault. He tried making it better. He doesn't think he succeeded, but for the first time in months Maggie wasn't spitting venom at him and he thinks that's progress. He thinks maybe he can try again and she'll come around, she'll stop blaming herself and allow herself to be happy again. Maybe she'll smile. He doesn't remember the last time he saw her really smile, without sarcasm, without fakeness.
"Why are you always so mad at me?" he asks interrupting their conversation about the next broadcast. Maggie blinks, clearly thrown by the sudden change of subject, and Jim can see that he's asked the wrong question. He didn't even mean to, it just spilled out. He blames the pull they have on each other - it's still there in some measure, despite everything - they've always demanded honesty from each other.
He notices her expression darkening and he knows she's back in that headspace full of poison. He braces himself and knows it's his fault, he went looking for it this time.
"I'm not mad at you." She spits out, then, more calmly as if it's perfectly plausible, "I hate you."
It hits hard, perhaps harder than he's willing to admit, and he instinctually pushes back just as hard, "Oh, so I'm not just the unfortunate target of your I-hate-the-world-but-really-I-only-hate-myself attitude? Good to know." He cringes inwardly and tries not to think about what Hallie would say if she heard him.
"Don't worry, I hate myself too, but you-" she's starting to raise her voice and in the corner of his eye Jim can see Neal look up at them. He takes her by the arm and leads her out of the newsroom and into the thankfully empty corridor. Surprisingly she goes without a fight and when they face each other again Maggie looks completely drained.
"Why do you hate me, Maggie?" he asks in a whisper, almost pleading.
"Because you stopped being my friend." She answers in a rush, eyes boring into Jim's before looking away.
Jim stands there, lips slightly parted in what could be surprise, but deep down he knows he has no right to be surprised.
"I am your friend." He says weakly, knowing they're empty words, knowing he didn't act like a friend.
"No, you're not!" Her voice rises again, strained with pain. "I know I screwed up." She says more calmly, "I know that. I was just trying not to hurt anybody but I screwed up and I know it's my fault. I lost Don, I lost Lisa…" her eyes fill with unshed tears there and she pauses.
"Don's still your friend." He offers, knowing it's not the point.
"But I lost you first. Don forgave me, but you couldn't even talk to me." She accuses.
"I was hurt too."
"I know. But it's been a year and I hate it when you talk to me like you care, but really the only thing you're worried about is that I might become a liability!"
He knows he's done that and he nods, eyes closed in shame before looking back at her. "I care now." He says, putting as much honesty into it as he can. He needs her to understand that their conversation during election night was genuine, even if it was Hallie who pushed him into it. He wants to care again, wants to be friends again. More than anything he wants to see her get better. He's avoided her because he was scared. The line between caring and caring too much is a fine one and he's already crossed it with horrible results. And yet he truly wants to be there for her.
Maggie's shoulders sag and her face clears a little. She looks exhausted and sad but he thinks maybe some of that poison bled out of her tonight. Maybe a part of her believed him. It's a start.