worrying I do in my spare time
Aaand now for that other thing.
This isn't meant to be a blame game. It's about me and my issues, which are mine, and not anyone else's fault. But I don't know how to talk about this without being blunt and wordy. Okay!
I'm in a very weird place with CFUD right now.
When I was more active in fandoms, my genre of choice was pretty much always curtainfic. Not in the sappy ooc way (I hope.) They can be the type of people who wake up the neighbors every night, or their idea of a sunday in might be drinking the warm blood of innocents together, and THAT'S OKAY BY ME, but I'm just a big fan of character(s) settling down.
As a roleplayer, I think this makes me slightly passive. I like crazy messed up situations, I'm fine with angst and drama and playing out long involved plots or heavy action scenes, I enjoy group events. But I am generally not an instigator of these things even if some of the characters I play are, hey, a little out there.
In the past, this hasn't been a particular problem. I've always been of the opinion that camp is so very open-ended and player-driven that it can pretty much be all things to all people. But recently a lot of the people I've played closely with just haven't been feeling the game. Some are no longer rping, or finding new places to go to with heavier plots, or they just don't have as much time, period. They are totally understandably doing whatever works best for them. But for me this leaves kind of a gap in my own play... since like I said, I'm not a big planner myself.
I miss it more than I thought I would... Having a group of people I know well who can help pull a player like me into interesting things, that is.
(Separate from that I just want to say I plain and simple miss some of you guys. Which isn't a surprise, but is not really an rp issue.)
I'm not saying CFUD is a worse or better community now than it once was. Just a different one! If I'm not part of that, it is entirely my fault. ICly, if I'm not part of current PLOTS it's my fault. I do know they are out there.
So, then. What do I do about this? Play more? The number of characters I'd have to reinvent at present is daunting. Drop some, maybe? I love my characters. I've written up two or three drop posts this week and chickened out. But it's no longer a matter of just saying 'play however makes you happy' because I'm NOT happy.
Drop, but pick some of them up elsewhere? Join other games, maybe follow some of the players I already know well and hope I can get by without some of CFUD's atmosphere?
Playing at CAD has really reminded me how much fun a smaller game can be. I think it's actually a better balance for me-- I don't have to be a crazy plot planner to think of a hook that hasn't yet been done to death. If I was sure that game would take off, I'd be really happy to just play a few characters in camp, and a few over there. Sadly, that's not guaranteed. I also. feel weird about whoring it out because YES I am using it as an AU future for Rikuou, because the future I want for him will never exist in campverse.
Sabra's another obvious choice... but as I've mentioned to some of you before, the idea of dealing with and keeping track of the memory loss plot confuses and intimidates me, and I'm not at all sure I'd like it? And then, I DO enjoy settling characters. I'd want a game where I could do that, and I haven't looked at Sabra enough to know if it's possible over there. (And I wonder if it would annoy the playerbase.)
So I'm not sure what to do, and instead of acting I'm just... totally bogged down. Barring vacations and computer deaths, this is just about the most complete hiatus I've ever taken, and I'm not sure how to come off it.
This isn't meant to be a blame game. It's about me and my issues, which are mine, and not anyone else's fault. But I don't know how to talk about this without being blunt and wordy. Okay!
I'm in a very weird place with CFUD right now.
When I was more active in fandoms, my genre of choice was pretty much always curtainfic. Not in the sappy ooc way (I hope.) They can be the type of people who wake up the neighbors every night, or their idea of a sunday in might be drinking the warm blood of innocents together, and THAT'S OKAY BY ME, but I'm just a big fan of character(s) settling down.
As a roleplayer, I think this makes me slightly passive. I like crazy messed up situations, I'm fine with angst and drama and playing out long involved plots or heavy action scenes, I enjoy group events. But I am generally not an instigator of these things even if some of the characters I play are, hey, a little out there.
In the past, this hasn't been a particular problem. I've always been of the opinion that camp is so very open-ended and player-driven that it can pretty much be all things to all people. But recently a lot of the people I've played closely with just haven't been feeling the game. Some are no longer rping, or finding new places to go to with heavier plots, or they just don't have as much time, period. They are totally understandably doing whatever works best for them. But for me this leaves kind of a gap in my own play... since like I said, I'm not a big planner myself.
I miss it more than I thought I would... Having a group of people I know well who can help pull a player like me into interesting things, that is.
(Separate from that I just want to say I plain and simple miss some of you guys. Which isn't a surprise, but is not really an rp issue.)
I'm not saying CFUD is a worse or better community now than it once was. Just a different one! If I'm not part of that, it is entirely my fault. ICly, if I'm not part of current PLOTS it's my fault. I do know they are out there.
So, then. What do I do about this? Play more? The number of characters I'd have to reinvent at present is daunting. Drop some, maybe? I love my characters. I've written up two or three drop posts this week and chickened out. But it's no longer a matter of just saying 'play however makes you happy' because I'm NOT happy.
Drop, but pick some of them up elsewhere? Join other games, maybe follow some of the players I already know well and hope I can get by without some of CFUD's atmosphere?
Playing at CAD has really reminded me how much fun a smaller game can be. I think it's actually a better balance for me-- I don't have to be a crazy plot planner to think of a hook that hasn't yet been done to death. If I was sure that game would take off, I'd be really happy to just play a few characters in camp, and a few over there. Sadly, that's not guaranteed. I also. feel weird about whoring it out because YES I am using it as an AU future for Rikuou, because the future I want for him will never exist in campverse.
Sabra's another obvious choice... but as I've mentioned to some of you before, the idea of dealing with and keeping track of the memory loss plot confuses and intimidates me, and I'm not at all sure I'd like it? And then, I DO enjoy settling characters. I'd want a game where I could do that, and I haven't looked at Sabra enough to know if it's possible over there. (And I wonder if it would annoy the playerbase.)
So I'm not sure what to do, and instead of acting I'm just... totally bogged down. Barring vacations and computer deaths, this is just about the most complete hiatus I've ever taken, and I'm not sure how to come off it.