Getting to Grips With The Surgery
I've had some time to start getting used to my new body beyond the immediate trying to survive. I'm still not really sure how to handle all I've been through and, bizarrely, I seem to be going through a phase where I'm fighting it quite a lot. I'm kinda trying very hard to be male again.
I'm not really sure what that's about, although I've had a phase like this with every other change, so this should be no different. There's the usual "I really hope I made the right choice" dynamic going on, where if I ignore the discussion in my head, things get worse. As usual, people overreact and want to see that I've made the right choice, so any kind of questioning from me is bad and makes people really uneasy, but not questioning is fanaticism and that's mentally unsafe there and then. Yet at the same time, my mother's a bit more used to it and has reacted better to that then ever before.
I think the initial euphoria has probably worn off as well and there's lots of things that are bubbling up from my past that I have another chance to put right, if I want to, or torment me, if I ignore them. There's also the tendency to poke at my feelings a bit too much and demand answers instead of getting on with my life. All of these things are happening and all of them are now.
I'm not really sure what that's about, although I've had a phase like this with every other change, so this should be no different. There's the usual "I really hope I made the right choice" dynamic going on, where if I ignore the discussion in my head, things get worse. As usual, people overreact and want to see that I've made the right choice, so any kind of questioning from me is bad and makes people really uneasy, but not questioning is fanaticism and that's mentally unsafe there and then. Yet at the same time, my mother's a bit more used to it and has reacted better to that then ever before.
I think the initial euphoria has probably worn off as well and there's lots of things that are bubbling up from my past that I have another chance to put right, if I want to, or torment me, if I ignore them. There's also the tendency to poke at my feelings a bit too much and demand answers instead of getting on with my life. All of these things are happening and all of them are now.