Recovering
Yesterday I felt much better than the day before. I've been able to get up and walk around the place. I even managed to go to the JobCentre and sign on without it being too gruelling. Today I'm a little stronger still, but still quite weak overall.
I'm also recovering from the nervous exhaustion of pushing myself pretty hard for the last few weeks. *sigh* I have done everything not to push myself harder than I can bear in the last few months, but this time I really did it to myself, and I have no one to blame but me, which isn't fun. I knew I was pushing the limits, but I stayed with them anyway.
I've been trying to think about why I did that, and there are two things, one good, one bad, that made me push myself that hard. The good is that I have applied for my passport and booked airline tickets to go to Krakow at the end of this month. Yey! C needs to go to a wedding of a close friend he used to date and wanted someone to go along for moral support. I wouldn't have normally said yes, but I enjoyed C's company a lot in the short time he was here, and when he went back to Scotland, I found myself missing him. So I've jumped at the chance to hang out some more and it sounds like the kind of situation where I'd be a useful person to have around.
There are also some other factors. I also don't have much money at the moment, and Poland is one of the few places where I'd be comfortable travelling with few resources because I have family I can fall back on and I know the language, so I can ask for help if I need it.
Also, I think I need to go back to Poland to see how people there cope with the whole trans thing. My last trip to Poland was a bit weird because I went as male but lots of people treated me as female, which was just too bizarre. There's also the difference between feminine social roles in Poland and feminine social roles in the UK and it would be fascinating to see how they differ, as well as a bit scary. I also have the family to deal with. The ones I'd be visiting all know and have all been accepting, but it's probably a good idea to give them some more time to adjust to me.
I hope the trip ends up as a good and safe way for us both to explore the various trans issues we have and spend time in each other's company, so that's exciting. But, damn, getting the passport in and deciding on flight times was really, really stressful, and the whole spontaneity of the thing just meant that I couldn't bring any of my organisational skills to bear to avoid it. Meh. I know people say being spontaneous is cool, but I swear it's over-rated.
I'm also recovering from the nervous exhaustion of pushing myself pretty hard for the last few weeks. *sigh* I have done everything not to push myself harder than I can bear in the last few months, but this time I really did it to myself, and I have no one to blame but me, which isn't fun. I knew I was pushing the limits, but I stayed with them anyway.
I've been trying to think about why I did that, and there are two things, one good, one bad, that made me push myself that hard. The good is that I have applied for my passport and booked airline tickets to go to Krakow at the end of this month. Yey! C needs to go to a wedding of a close friend he used to date and wanted someone to go along for moral support. I wouldn't have normally said yes, but I enjoyed C's company a lot in the short time he was here, and when he went back to Scotland, I found myself missing him. So I've jumped at the chance to hang out some more and it sounds like the kind of situation where I'd be a useful person to have around.
There are also some other factors. I also don't have much money at the moment, and Poland is one of the few places where I'd be comfortable travelling with few resources because I have family I can fall back on and I know the language, so I can ask for help if I need it.
Also, I think I need to go back to Poland to see how people there cope with the whole trans thing. My last trip to Poland was a bit weird because I went as male but lots of people treated me as female, which was just too bizarre. There's also the difference between feminine social roles in Poland and feminine social roles in the UK and it would be fascinating to see how they differ, as well as a bit scary. I also have the family to deal with. The ones I'd be visiting all know and have all been accepting, but it's probably a good idea to give them some more time to adjust to me.
I hope the trip ends up as a good and safe way for us both to explore the various trans issues we have and spend time in each other's company, so that's exciting. But, damn, getting the passport in and deciding on flight times was really, really stressful, and the whole spontaneity of the thing just meant that I couldn't bring any of my organisational skills to bear to avoid it. Meh. I know people say being spontaneous is cool, but I swear it's over-rated.