Life is hectic
Life is hectic just now.
First off, I split up with swan_song on Thursday. The relationship was already in trouble. I suppose people could track it on my LJ where I'd become more emotionally stable and confident when she left and then crash shortly after she came back. Certainly, I was aware of that and getting worried by it. Then, three weeks ago, I didn't phone her when I said I would. She took this badly, and when we talked the conversation petered out with me not saying much. She said she'd leave me alone to figure out things, that effectively the relationship was effectively suspended until then. Pretty much then, I knew that I didn't want to go out anymore and waited to see if my feelings would change. They didn't and so on Thursday, I phoned her to tell her. Turned out she felt the same way as me, but hadn't really the decency to tell me. The previous phone call left me feeling free and happy: I could build up my mental stability without it getting torn down and I did so quite well. However, since Thursday, I don't know how I feel, except nothing like I did previously. So yey...
Secondly, my parents came on Saturday. It was fairly enjoyable. They came in the morning and my mum arranged for us to see a house, which was really nice, but the tenants specified that the person be tidy and talking to them gave me the impression that it could be Amy Mk2 again. Then we headed out to Sutton Park and had dinner at the pub there. We didn't do any walking, but sat in the garden eating a nice roast. Then we came back and had a look at another house, which was big and in a nice location, but I'm not too sure about the people living in it. If I don't see any more places, however, I think it's my favourite.
Thirldy, because my parents visited, I just started bitching to them about my housemate, something I've been keeping inside because I wanted to get my work done, and when we got back, they decided I should return with them. I didn't have the heart to argue and now I'm in London. I've slept a ton and I'm just doing nothing. It'd be nice if I didn't feel so shit. But at least there's no conflict in the house.
Fourthly, being back, my mother has started talking about my health again, despite my last visit to the doctor's. I went to my doctor about a week and a half ago and got tested for diabetes and asked about having a candida infection. I got treated like a complete hypocondriac although he did perform the diabetes test. Anyway, after assuring me that candidaisis is bunk and that in 40 years of his GPship, he'd never heard of it, and obviously feeling happy at another fake illness debunked, he threw me out: without trying in any way to find out why I get ill when I eat sugar (or solving the issue of fluctuating blood sugar levels). I've found out a bit more about candidaisis since and I realise it's a contentious issue in medicine: it doesn't exist in mainstream science, but somehow people do get better if they self-diagnose and treat it that way. What I think this means is that something is happenning but science doesn't know (or doesn't want to find out). Anyway, it doesn't do anything to increase my faith in the medical profession.
I don't really know what to do. Since that GP threw me out, I know I have a problem with the sugar intelerance and that does need to be dealt with, whatever is causing it. But I really don't know what to do about the whole fluctuating blood sugar levels thing. Basically, when I eat very properly, I can get by fine without it. However, the UK is not known for it's low sugar dietary intake as a whole, I've discovered how difficult it is to find things to snack upon to keep your blood sugar up when you can't actually use sugar to do it and it's a bit hard when you suffer from anxiety and depression having a condition that requires you to eat regular and healthy meals. While it's been good that how I'm feeling has forced me to learn how to take better care of myself (I think, even if I do get better, I'll try and stick to low sugar meals and frequent, fresh home-cooked meals), I find the lack of manouvering space very, very hard to deal with. So, the current situation with my housemate has been enough to damage my eating habits and I can see the knock on consequences already.
First off, I split up with swan_song on Thursday. The relationship was already in trouble. I suppose people could track it on my LJ where I'd become more emotionally stable and confident when she left and then crash shortly after she came back. Certainly, I was aware of that and getting worried by it. Then, three weeks ago, I didn't phone her when I said I would. She took this badly, and when we talked the conversation petered out with me not saying much. She said she'd leave me alone to figure out things, that effectively the relationship was effectively suspended until then. Pretty much then, I knew that I didn't want to go out anymore and waited to see if my feelings would change. They didn't and so on Thursday, I phoned her to tell her. Turned out she felt the same way as me, but hadn't really the decency to tell me. The previous phone call left me feeling free and happy: I could build up my mental stability without it getting torn down and I did so quite well. However, since Thursday, I don't know how I feel, except nothing like I did previously. So yey...
Secondly, my parents came on Saturday. It was fairly enjoyable. They came in the morning and my mum arranged for us to see a house, which was really nice, but the tenants specified that the person be tidy and talking to them gave me the impression that it could be Amy Mk2 again. Then we headed out to Sutton Park and had dinner at the pub there. We didn't do any walking, but sat in the garden eating a nice roast. Then we came back and had a look at another house, which was big and in a nice location, but I'm not too sure about the people living in it. If I don't see any more places, however, I think it's my favourite.
Thirldy, because my parents visited, I just started bitching to them about my housemate, something I've been keeping inside because I wanted to get my work done, and when we got back, they decided I should return with them. I didn't have the heart to argue and now I'm in London. I've slept a ton and I'm just doing nothing. It'd be nice if I didn't feel so shit. But at least there's no conflict in the house.
Fourthly, being back, my mother has started talking about my health again, despite my last visit to the doctor's. I went to my doctor about a week and a half ago and got tested for diabetes and asked about having a candida infection. I got treated like a complete hypocondriac although he did perform the diabetes test. Anyway, after assuring me that candidaisis is bunk and that in 40 years of his GPship, he'd never heard of it, and obviously feeling happy at another fake illness debunked, he threw me out: without trying in any way to find out why I get ill when I eat sugar (or solving the issue of fluctuating blood sugar levels). I've found out a bit more about candidaisis since and I realise it's a contentious issue in medicine: it doesn't exist in mainstream science, but somehow people do get better if they self-diagnose and treat it that way. What I think this means is that something is happenning but science doesn't know (or doesn't want to find out). Anyway, it doesn't do anything to increase my faith in the medical profession.
I don't really know what to do. Since that GP threw me out, I know I have a problem with the sugar intelerance and that does need to be dealt with, whatever is causing it. But I really don't know what to do about the whole fluctuating blood sugar levels thing. Basically, when I eat very properly, I can get by fine without it. However, the UK is not known for it's low sugar dietary intake as a whole, I've discovered how difficult it is to find things to snack upon to keep your blood sugar up when you can't actually use sugar to do it and it's a bit hard when you suffer from anxiety and depression having a condition that requires you to eat regular and healthy meals. While it's been good that how I'm feeling has forced me to learn how to take better care of myself (I think, even if I do get better, I'll try and stick to low sugar meals and frequent, fresh home-cooked meals), I find the lack of manouvering space very, very hard to deal with. So, the current situation with my housemate has been enough to damage my eating habits and I can see the knock on consequences already.