Don't Be That Guy.
I keep thinking about the discussions that have come up in the comments to my post about sex-positivism and performative sexuality and the concept of bystander consent, and I keep thinking about all the subtle little cues and clues I personally use to separate Okay from Skeevy when people approach me. Talking in the comments there made me realize
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Part of the problem is that to people without that privilege, the emotional construct of that privilege that they're operating under (discussing it, attacking it, reacting against it, etc) is monolithic. All Men Are. All White People Are. All Straight People Are. Etc. There's that mythological construct of The X Experience, where X = the particular type of privilege being discussed, and the social construct of that privilege is what people are trying to discuss, not so much individual experiences.
There's less room, I've found, for people who belong to the group that historically has the privilege being discussed but whose personal experience doesn't mesh with the social construct of that privilege -- because when they try to discuss the ways in which their experience doesn't mesh with the social construct of the privilege, it's taken by the listeners as trying to say "you are wrong, you are imagining things, it's not really like that". It sucks that people whose personal experience doesn't mesh with that social construct of privilege get shot down in discussions so often, but I think the problem is that people without that privilege are used to people with the privilege saying things and actually meaning "you are wrong, you are imagining things, it's not really like that for any of us" instead of "it's not really like that for me."
I don't know. I really don't. I don't have answers. I wish I did. Being a human is hard.
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White privileged is probably the easiest for me to understand- I mean, not understand all the nuances and effects and all that- but I look down at my body, see I am white, and thus am classified accordingly. Even though I might not have some of the privileges on the well-linked to checklist, I know that I will be generalised to have them until otherwise understood. Where I get particularly confused, is when I have no idea what I'm being read as- gender is a big one for me, both offline and online, although online is harder because at least off line I can try to look for the most obvious cues (eg: this person is wearing a dress, they are most likely female; or even *I* am wearing a dress, therefor I will most likely be read as female) but online I don't have that. I do not know to what extent this is a limitation (or blessing in certain situations) of the internet itself, or of my own short comings, due to how I was raised and my autism. As much as I can try to make up for this though, I would like to. I don't think most people (any people?) enjoy extreme conflict/fighting/banning/etc, we want to get along, but we also want to talk about how we relate to things both to better understand the original topic as well as to make others aware of another POV.
I wish I had answers too. People sometimes ask, because I live as both Male and Female, but it seems more accidental... I do not know. I have no answers. and it is frustrating. No one does- or they would have written the book that told us all how to live peacefully and this wouldn't be an issue! People ask about autistic things, and I always must underline when replying, that this is MY experience/reason/etc, and my not be the same as your child/student/etc's.
Anyway, I want to tell you, I have read every single one of the posts here (well, except for the 67 that are in my inbox that I just came home to, but I will read them next!) and this has probably been, since I joined LJ way back in '03, the most educational post I've read and joined in, and I am very happy that so many people have been able to interact from different starting places and remain civil.
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