(today's emotional weather: mauve with a 40% chance of poodles)
One of my friends frequently mocks my AIM away messages. They are, I will admit, singularly unhelpful sometimes to someone who isn't me, but they all have very specific meanings and uses! Really! I swear! There are a bunch of them I rotate through on a regular basis, aside from the one-time-use ones.
So I present the Field Guide To AIM Away Messages, for those of you who have noticed that I'm always away these days and keep wondering whether or not you can message me. (And hey, even if you don't talk to me on AIM, maybe it'll make you laugh.) Alpha by keyword:
1. asleep (howl)
"I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the world instead." --Spider Jerusalem
(to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human prose and stand before you speechless and intelligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet confessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm of thought in his naked and endless head,
the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, yet putting down here what might be left to say in time come after death)
[ in bed. asleep. fuck off. ]
This one's pretty self-explanatory (and is mostly a holdover from the Bad Times) -- used for when I had been up way past my bedtime, would please-God be sleeping in as late as I possibly could, and was so not in the mood for human contact. Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan & Allen Ginsberg's Howl.
Chance of me actually being awake & active if this one's up: about 5%.
2. asleep (insomniac)
dig my head down deep so I can't hear the cars / outside on the street and the stars are laughing / they get a kick out of my misery
i've tried everything short of aristotle / to dramamine and the whiskey bottle / i pray for the day when my ship comes in / when i can sleep the sleep of the just again
(i can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor; be with you in my own personal morning)
Also a holdover, this one from the days when I was at least attempting to keep a 24h sleep schedule. This was for the days when I had utterly failed. Source: the Billy Pilgrim song "Insomniac".
Chance of me actually being awake & active if this one's up: about 5%.
3. asleep (screenwriter's blues)
as the radioman says it is 5AM and the sun has charred the other side of the world and come back to us and painted the smoke over our heads an imperial violet; it is 5AM and you are listening to los angeles
(it's not a sleep schedule, it's a sleep *experiment*; I'll be with you in my own personal morning)
My standard default "asleep" away message. If this is up, I'm either asleep, have set myself away in preparation for being asleep (and then have proceeded to faff around the internets for another 2 hours before actually going to bed), or have just woken up and am so not ready to interact with people yet.
No, there's no way of telling which it is. Not even by what time of the day it is. For instance, yesterday I woke up at 5:30AM. Today I woke up at 2PM. Yeah. Source: the Soul Coughing song "Screenwriter's Blues".
Chance of me actually being awake & active if this one's up: about 5%. (This is also the only away msg that doesn't actually make noise when it's up.)
4. going to california
spent my days with a woman unkind, smoked my stuff and drank all my wine. made up my mind to make a new start, going to california with an aching in my heart.
This is a new one, and I'm test-driving it. It's for when I'm working and not too happy about it. Source: Led Zeppelin's "Going to California".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: about 50%.
5. hell of a good universe
--- listen: there's a hell
of a good universe next door; let's go
This is one of my two I Am Watching Television messages. (Okay, on my computer, but still, watching television.) It carries the connotation of watching something I'm fannish about and/or "using TV to escape". Also used if I'm knitting (which usually does involve watching tv). Source: the e. e. cummings poem "pity this busy monster,manunkind".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: 0%. (I fullscreen whatever thing I'm watching.)
6. many headbones
"I can hear Radio Free Europe in my headbones.
I have many headbones." --Spider Jerusalem
The other keyword for this was almost "having a crazy day". That pretty much sums it up. Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: depends on who you are; don't expect anything close to sanity...
7. run away & join the office
my circus train pulls through the night, full of lions and trapeze artists. i'm done with elephants and clowns, i want to run away and join the office.
Another new-ish one; this is for "working and really not happy about it". Source: Mike Doughty's song "American Car".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: either 100% ("get me away from this") or 0% ("must actually do something. really.")
8. stonemason's buildings
And our hands
keep building, like a stonemason sleeping: his
buildings he has never been in want his hands
again. It is you I want again, left open.
Now somewhere else, out of reach of my brown feet,
my shell that has escaped into love, my name.
This is my "I'm writing porn" away message. Okay, it's sometimes extrapolated to "I'm writing something that's all full of emotional interaction", but yeah, usually porn. Source: the Ed Klineschmidt poem "Possibilities of Love".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: about 50%, but you'll get porn pasted at you and you're expected to be enthusiastic about it.
9. suicide in my honor
I'll let myself sleep soon, and hope to hell the world doesn't seem so goddamn fractured when I wake up. Having said that, I also hope I wake to find half the city comitted suicide in my honor.
- Spider Jerusalem
This is either "I'm putting this one up because I'll be heading to sleep eventually and I want to start winding down my conversations", or "oh God I hate people". Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 50%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted if I am there: about 40%.
10. Wandered off
Someday I will invent an AIM plugin that automatically detects where I am and what I'm doing so it can send the right away message. Until then, you'll have to take this one: I haven't touched my computer in long enough that it's set me idle. Where am I really? Who knows?
Pretty self-explanatory!
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 0%, as it's my "I idled out without setting another away message" message.
11. watching television
"Silence. I am watching television." -- Spider Jerusalem
My other I Am Watching Television away msg; this one's for watching a series I'm not really fannish about and might not precisely be using for an escape. Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: 0%. (Again, fullscreen.)
12. writing sucks
Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies!
gone down the American river!
Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole
boatload of sensitive bullshit!
Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions!
gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! De-
spairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides!
Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on
the rocks of Time!
[or just a blank page staring back at me. writing sucks.]
I'm writing. I'm really not fucking happy about it. I will bite if interrupted. Source: Allen Ginsberg's "Howl".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: 0%, unless I message you.
13. writing, foreign travel
"When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. As far as I can tell it seems to involve a lot of foreign travel and not having to get up too early in the morning." -- Neil Gaiman
For the rare days when I'm actually enjoying writing. Source: an interview with Neil.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: about fifty/fifty, but not for extended conversations about anything but the writing.
14. writing, word count
This one changes half-hourly; it's a random quote summing up the flavor of what I'm writing and a word count meter: "Word count as of $time: # words. Next goal, $time+half-hour, # words." I generally set myself about a 750-words-per-half-hour goal and see if I can hit it or not.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: if you're looking to be written at (and provide only positive squee about what you're getting pasted), pretty high, unless I've already got too many conversations going on.
So I present the Field Guide To AIM Away Messages, for those of you who have noticed that I'm always away these days and keep wondering whether or not you can message me. (And hey, even if you don't talk to me on AIM, maybe it'll make you laugh.) Alpha by keyword:
1. asleep (howl)
"I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the world instead." --Spider Jerusalem
(to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human prose and stand before you speechless and intelligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet confessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm of thought in his naked and endless head,
the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, yet putting down here what might be left to say in time come after death)
[ in bed. asleep. fuck off. ]
This one's pretty self-explanatory (and is mostly a holdover from the Bad Times) -- used for when I had been up way past my bedtime, would please-God be sleeping in as late as I possibly could, and was so not in the mood for human contact. Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan & Allen Ginsberg's Howl.
Chance of me actually being awake & active if this one's up: about 5%.
2. asleep (insomniac)
dig my head down deep so I can't hear the cars / outside on the street and the stars are laughing / they get a kick out of my misery
i've tried everything short of aristotle / to dramamine and the whiskey bottle / i pray for the day when my ship comes in / when i can sleep the sleep of the just again
(i can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor; be with you in my own personal morning)
Also a holdover, this one from the days when I was at least attempting to keep a 24h sleep schedule. This was for the days when I had utterly failed. Source: the Billy Pilgrim song "Insomniac".
Chance of me actually being awake & active if this one's up: about 5%.
3. asleep (screenwriter's blues)
as the radioman says it is 5AM and the sun has charred the other side of the world and come back to us and painted the smoke over our heads an imperial violet; it is 5AM and you are listening to los angeles
(it's not a sleep schedule, it's a sleep *experiment*; I'll be with you in my own personal morning)
My standard default "asleep" away message. If this is up, I'm either asleep, have set myself away in preparation for being asleep (and then have proceeded to faff around the internets for another 2 hours before actually going to bed), or have just woken up and am so not ready to interact with people yet.
No, there's no way of telling which it is. Not even by what time of the day it is. For instance, yesterday I woke up at 5:30AM. Today I woke up at 2PM. Yeah. Source: the Soul Coughing song "Screenwriter's Blues".
Chance of me actually being awake & active if this one's up: about 5%. (This is also the only away msg that doesn't actually make noise when it's up.)
4. going to california
spent my days with a woman unkind, smoked my stuff and drank all my wine. made up my mind to make a new start, going to california with an aching in my heart.
This is a new one, and I'm test-driving it. It's for when I'm working and not too happy about it. Source: Led Zeppelin's "Going to California".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: about 50%.
5. hell of a good universe
--- listen: there's a hell
of a good universe next door; let's go
This is one of my two I Am Watching Television messages. (Okay, on my computer, but still, watching television.) It carries the connotation of watching something I'm fannish about and/or "using TV to escape". Also used if I'm knitting (which usually does involve watching tv). Source: the e. e. cummings poem "pity this busy monster,manunkind".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: 0%. (I fullscreen whatever thing I'm watching.)
6. many headbones
"I can hear Radio Free Europe in my headbones.
I have many headbones." --Spider Jerusalem
The other keyword for this was almost "having a crazy day". That pretty much sums it up. Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: depends on who you are; don't expect anything close to sanity...
7. run away & join the office
my circus train pulls through the night, full of lions and trapeze artists. i'm done with elephants and clowns, i want to run away and join the office.
Another new-ish one; this is for "working and really not happy about it". Source: Mike Doughty's song "American Car".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: either 100% ("get me away from this") or 0% ("must actually do something. really.")
8. stonemason's buildings
And our hands
keep building, like a stonemason sleeping: his
buildings he has never been in want his hands
again. It is you I want again, left open.
Now somewhere else, out of reach of my brown feet,
my shell that has escaped into love, my name.
This is my "I'm writing porn" away message. Okay, it's sometimes extrapolated to "I'm writing something that's all full of emotional interaction", but yeah, usually porn. Source: the Ed Klineschmidt poem "Possibilities of Love".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: about 50%, but you'll get porn pasted at you and you're expected to be enthusiastic about it.
9. suicide in my honor
I'll let myself sleep soon, and hope to hell the world doesn't seem so goddamn fractured when I wake up. Having said that, I also hope I wake to find half the city comitted suicide in my honor.
- Spider Jerusalem
This is either "I'm putting this one up because I'll be heading to sleep eventually and I want to start winding down my conversations", or "oh God I hate people". Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 50%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted if I am there: about 40%.
10. Wandered off
Someday I will invent an AIM plugin that automatically detects where I am and what I'm doing so it can send the right away message. Until then, you'll have to take this one: I haven't touched my computer in long enough that it's set me idle. Where am I really? Who knows?
Pretty self-explanatory!
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 0%, as it's my "I idled out without setting another away message" message.
11. watching television
"Silence. I am watching television." -- Spider Jerusalem
My other I Am Watching Television away msg; this one's for watching a series I'm not really fannish about and might not precisely be using for an escape. Source: Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: 0%. (Again, fullscreen.)
12. writing sucks
Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies!
gone down the American river!
Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole
boatload of sensitive bullshit!
Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions!
gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! De-
spairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides!
Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on
the rocks of Time!
[or just a blank page staring back at me. writing sucks.]
I'm writing. I'm really not fucking happy about it. I will bite if interrupted. Source: Allen Ginsberg's "Howl".
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: 0%, unless I message you.
13. writing, foreign travel
"When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. As far as I can tell it seems to involve a lot of foreign travel and not having to get up too early in the morning." -- Neil Gaiman
For the rare days when I'm actually enjoying writing. Source: an interview with Neil.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: about fifty/fifty, but not for extended conversations about anything but the writing.
14. writing, word count
This one changes half-hourly; it's a random quote summing up the flavor of what I'm writing and a word count meter: "Word count as of $time: # words. Next goal, $time+half-hour, # words." I generally set myself about a 750-words-per-half-hour goal and see if I can hit it or not.
Chance of me being in front of the computer: 100%. Chance of me being willing to be interrupted: if you're looking to be written at (and provide only positive squee about what you're getting pasted), pretty high, unless I've already got too many conversations going on.