Brush It Off Chapter 1
Stupid internet. I'm too technologically challenged to figure out how to work Beast attack. I got a lovely comment from natsukinon on my first chapter, but then it got torn down because I didn't post it under an lj-cut. IDEK what that is!!
Oh well. Imma post it here and figure it all out this weekend when my internet isn't lame.
HERE GOES!!
Title: Brush It Off
Author: Lolcat/Syn2554 (me haha)
Pairing: Duseung (sort-of) Hinted Duwoon
Rating: PG
Summary: When Hyunseung finally moves into a dorm with five other talented boys, he wonders if he will be able to forget his shameful past and begin his career anew.
Author's Notes: DON'T JUDGE ME!! This is my first fic ever and I've only known Beast for about 3 months now. I will try to update as often as possible. ALSO! Good idea to read my first few posts on my page that will explain my style of writing, etc. ENJOY
It had been a while since Hyunseung had had an hour to himself. His manager had him trekking all over Seoul day after day, looking for a label, work, a record deal, auditions, anything. Since his last episode on the Big Bang documentary had ended, it had all been go, go, go. It was almost three years ago, but still fresh in his mind, that he was told it was all over for him. His dream, his passion, everything he worked for... over. After the initial shock, it didn't actually surprise him. He'd never had anything he'd wanted before Big Bang; why did he ever think he'd have the privilege of actually being in an amazing band; of being able to sing and dance - to perform, like he wanted to think he was born to do.
But he couldn't be born to dance, or to sing, if he never got the chance. Big Bang was meant to be his 'big break.' Yeah, look where that got me? He thought.
He hated being away from everything he knew; away from Big Bang, but not being away from the stupid documentary and YG. He didn't hate YG so much, though. Why was he leaving YG? Not only because his manager told him to, but because he had an offer from United Cube Entertainment; The United Cube. Okay, so it wasn't that great compared to YG, but he'd always wanted to work under Cube. So many cool artists did. He thought, also, that he would have a better chance starting out if he wasn't with YG.
The next thing he thought was - lose the stage name. In between the last episode of the documentary, his interviews and other aspects of his busy schedule, the flight home actually was one hell of a relaxing break. He couldn't sleep, so he let his mind wander free. Finally, even if it was a short flight, he had time to think.
Yeah, the stage-name wasn't for him. He'd sign 'Jang Hyun Seung' from then on. That's if he ever got to sign anything again. He wondered about a solo career, like Rain... What chances did he have alone? With my luck? He thought, sombrely.
The plane was silent, probably mostly because he, his manager and one other solo passenger were the only ones on it that weren't crew. It was relaxing. He'd always been one to prefer quiet alone time when he was in almost any mood. Maybe a band wasn't for him after all. The idea of being in a band, though... getting to know a bunch of people... becoming best friends - brothers... it seemed like part of the fun.
In that way, Big Bang was definitely the best thing that ever happened to him. Even though he loathed everything that he'd been through, he knew he would miss them - Jiyong especially. The brotherhood that seemed unbreakable was... well, broken. For him, anyway.
As much as he thought he was too riled to sleep, he managed to drift off, even if only for half an hour, because he definitely woke up when the plain landed.
Meandering through the barren airport at four in the morning, Hyunseung didn't think that any sort of news could be good; definitely not as good as his manager was saying it was.
“No, really, I think this is going to be your big break,” Hyunseung's Manager argued, but he wasn't convinced.
“Big Bang was my 'big break,' Hyung. This will just be 'plan b;' 'part two.'”
“Wipe that pout of your face, mister,” the older man said, stopping Hyunseung's dragging feet with a hand on his chest.
“What is it already?” His manager took in deep breath.
“Cube found you a dorm.” Hyunseung stopped his pouting then. His big black eyes were suddenly even rounder than usual.
“A... a dorm?” The manger nodded, smiling. Hyunseung's dark bangs fell into his eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. Two and a half years of searching... slogging it out in the studio for hour at a time, singing so much, so hard, that he sounded like he had a cold, and he was finally going to be accommodated with others his age, his style. Singers. Dancers. This really was his big break.
“Hyunseung-ah...?” The manager said, tapping his arm. Hyunseung looked up at him.
“Hyung... you're unbelievable.”
Hyunseung slept in the car on the way to his new dorm. It was three days after he'd arrived home and he'd just flown to back Seoul - another boring plane ride. He couldn't sleep the night before - he was that excited. He was buzzing for the whole plane ride, and then by the time he got to the airport and met his chaperon, he was so tired he felt like he might pass out. Thankfully, he got a good hour-and-a-half sleep on the way.
When the car stopped, he was rocked awake. He wished his manager was there, simply because he wasn't good talking to strangers. He managed to get himself out of the car, though, thanking the driver and taking his two small bags of possessions and adjusting them for the long haul up to his new apartment - his dorm.
The air outside was freezing and he was glad to be inside the lobby. It looked nice. Aesthetics made up a comforting feel in the relatively small space. White walls and a white floor... everything was exceptionally tidy and clean. He swallowed nervously.
Hyunseung took in a deep breath, putting down one of his bags, and typed the two-digit code he had written on his hand into the intercom in the lobby. It was a moment before anyone answered, but the voice startled him almost to the point where he squeaked in shock.
“Ya?” The voice was young and there were other voices in the background.
“Uh... hi it's um... Jang Hyunseung? I'm-”
“Fiiiinally!! We're number eighteen - I'll meet you half way!” The intercom beeped, signalling it's end, and Hyunseung took his finger off the 'speak' button. He wiped the incredulous look from his face and lifted the bag again. The lobby door buzzed and he knew this was his cue to go through. It buzzed for a moment after he passed through, then it stopped.
He started up the stairs. He didn't know his dorm-mates would be so enthusiastic to meet him, however, he knew he'd be shaking as much as he was, tingling all over and ignoring the butterflies dive-bombing into the walls of his stomach. He tried to calm himself by counting the steps as he went slowly up them..
Thirty-six, thirty-seven -
“Annyonghaseyo!!” shouted a loud, enthusiastic voice. Hyunseung's head whipped up and he met eyes with a small, boyish face and a giant grin. This guy looked his age, but barely, since he had the face of a pre-schooler. An adorable pre-schooler. His short blond hair looked a little askew - probably from rushing to meet him.
“Annyonghaseyo,” Hyunseung replied, making his way slowly to the top step of the flight he'd paused on.
“I'm Yoseob. The others are still getting dressed,” Yoseob giggled. Hyunseung nodded.
“Jang Hyunseung.” Yoseob took a bag from Hyunseung and beckoned towards the next flight.
While exchanging pleasantries, neither of them noticed the door open at the top of the flight they were on.
“Ya, Yoseobie! Oh...” The guy at the top was a fair bit taller than Yoseob and with long dark hair to his shoulders. His innocently surprised face was almost too much for Hyunseung to handle. After Yoseob's pleasantly adorable looks, he didn't expect anyone else in the dorm to be as good looking, but this one was better.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Yoseob said, making it to the top of the flight and pushing the other boy back a step, rather playfully.
“Hyunseung, right?” the pretty guy asked. Hyunseung nodded.
“I'm Gikwang.” Gikwang took the bag Hyunseung had and left him with nothing to do with his hands. Hyunseung wished he hadn't. He tucked them deep in the back pockets of his skinnies. Gikwang's smile was seriously getting to him. He'd never been around a boy so pretty. He'd had trouble feeling comfortable around Seunghyun hyung for the first week or two, but once Big Bang became his family, he got used to it. Right now, though, he felt the exact same way about Gikwang. As they shuffled into the dorm, Yoseob began pointing with his free hand in different directions, naming rooms and relevant areas.
“How old are you?” Yoseob asked. Hyunseung answered without a hitch, used to that being the first thing people asked besides his name.
“Twenty-one,” he said, still letting his eyes wander the dorm.
“Yah... another hyung...” Yoseob joked.
The first thing Hyunseung noticed was how messy it was. It wasn't awful, but he was used to Big Bang's dorm, which was much neater. It didn't bother him - it just occurred to him, since he was used to it tidy. He noticed he had followed Yoseob and Gikwang into a bedroom and froze, suddenly aware of the presence of others. It was small and cramped, and he felt like he was much to close to the shirtless figure in front of him. His eyes hadn't even made it to the face of the body's beholder, since a set of sculpted abs stuck teasingly out of an adorably skinny, milky-white stomach, screaming 'stare at me.'
It took a moment for Hyunseung to realise he really was staring, and he jerked his eyes away, colour rising to his normally so pale cheeks.
“Mianhamnida...” the new person said, a smile in his voice. Hyunseung hated that he reacted like this. He wanted to get over this stage... so badly. “We woke up late. All except Dujun.”
“Dongwoonie, this is Hyunseung hyung. Hyunseung, this is Dongwoon, who apologises for not dressing faster.”
“I did apologise!” Dongwoon complained, though not angrily. Hyunseung smiled at Dongwoon, finally seeing his face. Hyunseung didn't let it show in his features, but he was a little surprised at Dongwoon's appearance. He didn't seem... Korean. He just had a different look to him. Unfortunately for Hyunseung, he was also damn pretty.
I'm not going to get a break, am I?
He gave up thinking one of them might be average and spare him the embarrassment of eternally blushing. Hew knew they'd all be gorgeous. Come to think of it, he didn't know how many there were. He'd met three.
Hyunseung looked at the beds... six. Did that mean there were six before him? Maybe there were only three. No, Dongwoon mentioned a 'Dujun.' There must have been at least four. Just then, another figure appeared at the door, breaking Hyunseung out of his dreamy state.
Before he could really see the person at the door, Yoseob tapped him and Hyunseung turned to him.
“This is your bed,” Yoseob said, putting Hyunseung's bag beside where Gikwang had already put the other - on the end bottom bunk. Hyunseung was happy there - as far away from the others as possible - in a secluded corner. That way he could face the wall and pretend there weren't any unbelievably screw-able boys sleeping - oh so exposed and vulnerable - right behind him.
With that thought, he mentally pinched himself and nodded at Yoseob with a small smile. Then he remembered the presence behind him which he assumed was Dujun.
“Junhyungie,” Gikwang said, looking up towards the doorway. Hyunseung almost groaned. Five?! He thought, wishing he could just crawl into a hole in the wall and watch them so that nobody could see his blushes.
No... he told himself. I'm going to get through this. These guys are going to be my brothers. This is going to be my life. SNAP OUT OF IT!!
“Annyonghaseyo,” Hyunseung said, his face betraying no emotion. Junhyung nodded once, a tiny smile on his charismatic face, and cocked his head to the side. Hyunseung didn't like to judge a book by it's cover, but Junhyung was reading an awful lot like a rapper. Maybe it was his hair, bleached to a light chestnut with designs shaved into the sides. Maybe it was his lack of respectful greeting. Maybe it was just the way he was standing and sizing Hyunseung up - trying to tell whether to call him 'hyung' or 'dongsaeng.' He seemed to decide on neither.
It seemed like forever, but Gikwang finally continued. “This is Hyunseung Hyung.”
“Junhyung,” he said, bowing slightly. Hyunseung dipped forward a little, surprised.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Where's Dujunie?” Gikwang asked, pulling Junhyung's eyes from Hyunseung. Before he could answer, though, yet another figure appeared at the door, just behind Junhyung.
“Here,” the last guy said, obviously the owner of the name 'Dujun.' The name had been thrown around so much in just five minutes that Hyunseung wondered if he had the most influence on the boys; if he was the most leaderly. When he met gazes with Dujun, he smiled, ready to introduce himself, but Dujun's expression stopped him. “You're So-1...” Hyunseung wished, again, that he could be in that hole in the wall.
“Who?” Gikwang asked.
“From Big Bang. Didn't you guys ever watch the 'Big Bang Documentary’?”
“Dujun hyung...” Dongwoon said, noticing Hyunseung's discomfort.
“Oh... sorry. Is that... a sensitive topic?” Hyunseung shrugged. “I'm Yoon Dujun,” he said, making a small bow. Hyunseung noticed he was the only one to fully introduce himself.
“Jang Hyunseung,” he said, returning the bow.
“I see you've met everyone,” Dujun said, glancing at each of his dorm mates in turn. “Welcome!” Hyunseung smiled. With all of them dressed and no room to allow himself a curious glance at any of their dreamy faces, he felt a little more comfortable. “Well, since we have the day off to settle you in, what would you like to do?”
Hyunseung didn't want to do anything but sleep, really, but he also wanted to get to know his dorm mates. He ruled out leaving the dorm in fear of being recognised again, so he asked if they could just stay home. They did spend most of the day at home; however, he was coaxed outside for a brief trip to the grocery store before dinner.
He wanted to help make dinner, but Dujun insisted the others do it for him as a welcome gift. So Hyunseung got to sit to the side of the main room at watch. The dinner was one thing, but he didn't think he could have asked for a better present than that.
Yoseob, Gikwang and Junhyung sat and chopped vegetables in the main room and Dongwoon and Dujun did the rest in the kitchen where Hyunseung couldn't really see. After not long, though he could smell what they were doing. Meat sizzled away, its scent masked by the kimchi soup. His stomach rumbled loudly when he noticed it, causing the three on vegetable duty to turn their concentrated gazes on him.
He couldn't help but laugh and they soon joined him.
“I agree with Hyunseung's stomach,” Gikwang said.
“Hurry up in there!” Junhyung called, smiling. Hyunseung loved just observing. He was quite happy learning their personalities and their social habits. It made him feel more comfortable than experiencing it all first-hand.
In the one day, he'd learnt at least some of their personalities. Yoseob seemed to be the biggest character - at least at first. He was outgoing and loud and had a great sense of humour. He also seemed to get along best with Junhyung. They seemed to share something the others didn't. Junhyung, on the other hand, was quiet... almost scary. He didn't leave a particularly pleasant first impression, but Hyunseung was willing to work on that. He seemed friendly enough with the others, and Hyunseung was sure he'd warm up to him.
He liked observing Gikwang, simply because he was just so damn beautiful. He could look at him all day. Not only his impossibly attractive face, but his arms, his legs, his arse. He really could just watch him for unhealthy amounts of time. But when he'd had most of the day to do so, he began to notice his personality as well.
The first thing he noticed was that he was a bit slow. Not stupid, just a little slow. It was often funny, though, since he was always so nice and happy, but he got the jokes last and always took longer to think of something to say. Hyunseung thought it might be something that would annoy him in a person, but in Gikwang, it was simply adorable.
Dongwoon was a little shy, but he expected that from the magnae. He was pleasant; friendly, and always respectful. He thought, also, that he could trust him - it was just a vibe he got. Around Dujun, though, especially then in the kitchen when it was just the two of them, he seemed to open up a lot more. From where Hyunseung was sitting, just out of hearing range of their conversation, he could tell Dongwoon was relaxed. He smiled and laughed more and his body was loose. Hyunseung wondered if it was his presence that made Dongwoon shy, or if it was Dujun who made him open up.
Then there was Dujun. In all of the hours the six of them had just sat and talked, he didn't seem to learn a single thing about Dujun. Not things like his favourite colour or his hobbies, but things like he learnt about the others - their social habits and personalities. None of that came out in Dujun, like he was hiding it all. He would need to work on that one a bit more.
Eventually, dinner was served with Dujun and Dongwoon carrying plates and bowls down to the middle of the room.
“Jang Hyunseung,” Yoseob said, before any of them began to eat. “Welcome to the dorm.”
Two months had passed since Hyunseung moved into the dorm. He was finally beginning to feel like one of them. He thought he'd miss Big Bang forever and never feel that welcome anywhere again, but in this dorm, he felt so much better. The loneliness he normally felt when he was alone was gone. He figured it may have contributed that he was the second oldest, therefore everyone younger was much more respectful towards him. Not to say he wasn't the same back, however.
Still, though, Dujun continued to be a nut that he was yet to crack. He'd asked Gikwang about it - to whom Hyunseung had grown closest - and Gikwang assured him that it was just Dujun's way.
“You know him; he just likes to be in control. If we knew all of his secrets, he'd be too exposed - we'd have too much power over him. Can you imagine him in a lower position than any of us?” Hyunseung agreed, but he still wanted to know if he'd be able to get through to him.
After all of that time, it seemed like nothing had happened except Gikwang's solo career (confirming for Hyunseung that his suspicions about Junhyung being a rapper were in fact correct), and just when he was wondering if he and Dongwoon were doomed to a life of watching their friends succeed instead of doing it themselves, Cube answered their prayers.
B2ST was born.
After three years, Hyunseung was back in a band. Finally. These guys were his best friends, but now, they were more than that. They were his band mates. The night after they were told - once they got home from Cube HQ - they just sat in the main room, staring into nothing, giving each other disbelieving looks and trying to think of something to say.
“So...” Yoseob began, “who else saw this coming?” Slowly, hands went up around the room. Smiles spread on the faces of five of them, until they realised Gikwang hadn't raised his hand.
“What? I really didn't see it coming.”
“You didn't need it,” Dujun said, causing a slight giggle around them.
“This will be more fun,” Gikwang said, moving away from the previous statement. “I've always wanted to work with all of you guys. I know how talented you all are and... I just can't wait to see what we can do.” There were nods of agreement all around, followed by more silence.
“I have too much energy,” Hyunseung said, standing and taking three long steps to the stereo. “So I'm going to dance.” He recognised Dujun and Junhyung's groans, but he was glad that Gikwang and Dongwoon joined him. He knew he was the only one absolutely mad about dancing - absolutely obsessed with perfection - but he also knew the others liked to dance, they were just lazy. It was late - past eleven, but he'd be tossing and turning all night if he didn't release his energy now.
When music began to play, Hyunseung didn't need anything else. The floor was clear and his body was full of energy. He didn't even need to think. Before he knew it, his body was following the music, moving independently. He felt free. If anything ever bothered him, all he needed was some music and a clear space and everything went away. Everything but his body and the beat.
Behind him he could hear and feel Gikwang and Dongwoon, and he was sure Yoseob had joined them, but he didn't care enough to turn. He didn't even notice he'd began to move to a dance he'd learnt in his time with Big Bang, but he let it go on.
With the movements, memories began flowing back. Memories of learning the dance with Seunghyun hyung, Seunghyun dongsaeng, Youngbae, Daesung and Jiyong. Memories of how hard he tried, learning the same move over and over, failing so often, never perfecting it. He remembered Jiyong telling him it was great - that it looked fine the way he was doing it - that he should stop pushing himself. He remembered swearing to himself that he'd get it right, and he remembered disappointment. So much disappointment.
Before he could realise when it began, tears had streaked his cheeks and dripped all the way down to his tank top. And then, that move. And he failed, his feet catching, sending him flying towards the floor. His knees hit the linoleum hard, but it didn't hurt nearly as much as the self-criticism - the sense of failure he felt and all the pain of not being good enough for Big Bang. He wished he could save himself the agonising embarrassment of crying in front of his friends, but he'd broken down, and he wasn't getting back up any time soon.
As he expected, Gikwang was instantly upon him, his comforting hand on his back and his caring voice trying to coax from him an explanation, or at least a sign that he was all right. Hyunseung didn't notice it happen, but when he managed to slow his sobs, he glanced up and Gikwang and met eyes with Dujun. He expected that less than seeing Jung Juri.
As much as Dujun seemed like the friendly, personable type, Hyunseung knew him better than that. He didn't know quite what it was, but he knew enough to be surprised when Dujun was the one who seemed to care the most - who got everyone else out of the way just to comfort him.
“Hyunseungie, talk to me,” Dujun began, “what's wrong?” Hyunseung tried to slow his breathing and calm the seemingly continuous hiccing, but as soon as he closed his eyes again, the sobs returned. He felt so pathetic. So lost in shame, he barely noticed Dujun pulling him close.
It seemed like hours, but he finally stopped crying. He noticed himself, then, the top half of his body cradled in Dujun's lap. He didn't know if he felt comfortable or not. He thought that with any of the other members, he'd feel right at home, but Dujun was normally so distant, so different, that he felt like he didn't belong there, like a little kid in a bottle shop or a middle-schooler in their older sibling's high school.
He felt Dujun's fingers, ever so lightly, brush hair back off his face that had been stuck there with dry tears. Hyunseung sniffed, wishing he didn't feel so pathetic.
“Are you ready to tell me what's wrong?” Hyunseung noticed that they were alone in the room - either that or the others were being impossibly quiet.
“No.”
“All right.” Hyunseung didn't know what he expected, but it wasn't for Dujun to leave it at that.
“Dujun-ah?” Hyunseung said, wishing his voice didn't crack.
“Yeah?” Dujun answered, sounding almost wary of the affectionate way in which Hyunseung said his name.
“This band is going to work, right?” There was a moment of silence while Dujun finally registered what Hyunseung's breakdown had been about.
“Of course it is. We've been signed to a record label, Seungie. We're going to be writing songs and learning dances in no time. I promise.” It comforted Hyunseung to hear his friend's confidence, but he was more intrigued, at the time, by the fact that Dujun's fingers were, possibly absently, stroking through his hair. Hyunseung wasn't about to complain - it was so relaxing he could fall asleep. Also, it was past midnight...
“Thanks, Dujun.”
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah... I think I just... needed that.” Dujun's fingers stopped and Hyunseung sat up. When he met eyes with Dujun, the older laughed slightly. “Shut up,” Hyunseung said, knowing damn well how puffy his eyes were. His throat hurt from the effort of crying and his side was numb from lying on it, but his mind felt lighter and his scalp was tingling from the memory of Dujun's fingers against it.
Dujun sighed and stood, offering Hyunseung his hand. They got ready for bed in silence, Hyunseung noticed Dujun returning to his reserved state. He wasn't surprised. The 'charismatic leader' couldn't be too vulnerable for too long. Hyunseung smiled to himself as he climbed into his bed beside Junhyung. It took a mental breakdown of epic proportions, but he managed to peel away at least one layer of Dujun's tough exterior. He wondered how many there were to go before he would get to see the real Dujun.
EDIT: Check beastattack for rest of fics XD
Oh well. Imma post it here and figure it all out this weekend when my internet isn't lame.
HERE GOES!!
Title: Brush It Off
Author: Lolcat/Syn2554 (me haha)
Pairing: Duseung (sort-of) Hinted Duwoon
Rating: PG
Summary: When Hyunseung finally moves into a dorm with five other talented boys, he wonders if he will be able to forget his shameful past and begin his career anew.
Author's Notes: DON'T JUDGE ME!! This is my first fic ever and I've only known Beast for about 3 months now. I will try to update as often as possible. ALSO! Good idea to read my first few posts on my page that will explain my style of writing, etc. ENJOY
It had been a while since Hyunseung had had an hour to himself. His manager had him trekking all over Seoul day after day, looking for a label, work, a record deal, auditions, anything. Since his last episode on the Big Bang documentary had ended, it had all been go, go, go. It was almost three years ago, but still fresh in his mind, that he was told it was all over for him. His dream, his passion, everything he worked for... over. After the initial shock, it didn't actually surprise him. He'd never had anything he'd wanted before Big Bang; why did he ever think he'd have the privilege of actually being in an amazing band; of being able to sing and dance - to perform, like he wanted to think he was born to do.
But he couldn't be born to dance, or to sing, if he never got the chance. Big Bang was meant to be his 'big break.' Yeah, look where that got me? He thought.
He hated being away from everything he knew; away from Big Bang, but not being away from the stupid documentary and YG. He didn't hate YG so much, though. Why was he leaving YG? Not only because his manager told him to, but because he had an offer from United Cube Entertainment; The United Cube. Okay, so it wasn't that great compared to YG, but he'd always wanted to work under Cube. So many cool artists did. He thought, also, that he would have a better chance starting out if he wasn't with YG.
The next thing he thought was - lose the stage name. In between the last episode of the documentary, his interviews and other aspects of his busy schedule, the flight home actually was one hell of a relaxing break. He couldn't sleep, so he let his mind wander free. Finally, even if it was a short flight, he had time to think.
Yeah, the stage-name wasn't for him. He'd sign 'Jang Hyun Seung' from then on. That's if he ever got to sign anything again. He wondered about a solo career, like Rain... What chances did he have alone? With my luck? He thought, sombrely.
The plane was silent, probably mostly because he, his manager and one other solo passenger were the only ones on it that weren't crew. It was relaxing. He'd always been one to prefer quiet alone time when he was in almost any mood. Maybe a band wasn't for him after all. The idea of being in a band, though... getting to know a bunch of people... becoming best friends - brothers... it seemed like part of the fun.
In that way, Big Bang was definitely the best thing that ever happened to him. Even though he loathed everything that he'd been through, he knew he would miss them - Jiyong especially. The brotherhood that seemed unbreakable was... well, broken. For him, anyway.
As much as he thought he was too riled to sleep, he managed to drift off, even if only for half an hour, because he definitely woke up when the plain landed.
Meandering through the barren airport at four in the morning, Hyunseung didn't think that any sort of news could be good; definitely not as good as his manager was saying it was.
“No, really, I think this is going to be your big break,” Hyunseung's Manager argued, but he wasn't convinced.
“Big Bang was my 'big break,' Hyung. This will just be 'plan b;' 'part two.'”
“Wipe that pout of your face, mister,” the older man said, stopping Hyunseung's dragging feet with a hand on his chest.
“What is it already?” His manager took in deep breath.
“Cube found you a dorm.” Hyunseung stopped his pouting then. His big black eyes were suddenly even rounder than usual.
“A... a dorm?” The manger nodded, smiling. Hyunseung's dark bangs fell into his eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. Two and a half years of searching... slogging it out in the studio for hour at a time, singing so much, so hard, that he sounded like he had a cold, and he was finally going to be accommodated with others his age, his style. Singers. Dancers. This really was his big break.
“Hyunseung-ah...?” The manager said, tapping his arm. Hyunseung looked up at him.
“Hyung... you're unbelievable.”
Hyunseung slept in the car on the way to his new dorm. It was three days after he'd arrived home and he'd just flown to back Seoul - another boring plane ride. He couldn't sleep the night before - he was that excited. He was buzzing for the whole plane ride, and then by the time he got to the airport and met his chaperon, he was so tired he felt like he might pass out. Thankfully, he got a good hour-and-a-half sleep on the way.
When the car stopped, he was rocked awake. He wished his manager was there, simply because he wasn't good talking to strangers. He managed to get himself out of the car, though, thanking the driver and taking his two small bags of possessions and adjusting them for the long haul up to his new apartment - his dorm.
The air outside was freezing and he was glad to be inside the lobby. It looked nice. Aesthetics made up a comforting feel in the relatively small space. White walls and a white floor... everything was exceptionally tidy and clean. He swallowed nervously.
Hyunseung took in a deep breath, putting down one of his bags, and typed the two-digit code he had written on his hand into the intercom in the lobby. It was a moment before anyone answered, but the voice startled him almost to the point where he squeaked in shock.
“Ya?” The voice was young and there were other voices in the background.
“Uh... hi it's um... Jang Hyunseung? I'm-”
“Fiiiinally!! We're number eighteen - I'll meet you half way!” The intercom beeped, signalling it's end, and Hyunseung took his finger off the 'speak' button. He wiped the incredulous look from his face and lifted the bag again. The lobby door buzzed and he knew this was his cue to go through. It buzzed for a moment after he passed through, then it stopped.
He started up the stairs. He didn't know his dorm-mates would be so enthusiastic to meet him, however, he knew he'd be shaking as much as he was, tingling all over and ignoring the butterflies dive-bombing into the walls of his stomach. He tried to calm himself by counting the steps as he went slowly up them..
Thirty-six, thirty-seven -
“Annyonghaseyo!!” shouted a loud, enthusiastic voice. Hyunseung's head whipped up and he met eyes with a small, boyish face and a giant grin. This guy looked his age, but barely, since he had the face of a pre-schooler. An adorable pre-schooler. His short blond hair looked a little askew - probably from rushing to meet him.
“Annyonghaseyo,” Hyunseung replied, making his way slowly to the top step of the flight he'd paused on.
“I'm Yoseob. The others are still getting dressed,” Yoseob giggled. Hyunseung nodded.
“Jang Hyunseung.” Yoseob took a bag from Hyunseung and beckoned towards the next flight.
While exchanging pleasantries, neither of them noticed the door open at the top of the flight they were on.
“Ya, Yoseobie! Oh...” The guy at the top was a fair bit taller than Yoseob and with long dark hair to his shoulders. His innocently surprised face was almost too much for Hyunseung to handle. After Yoseob's pleasantly adorable looks, he didn't expect anyone else in the dorm to be as good looking, but this one was better.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Yoseob said, making it to the top of the flight and pushing the other boy back a step, rather playfully.
“Hyunseung, right?” the pretty guy asked. Hyunseung nodded.
“I'm Gikwang.” Gikwang took the bag Hyunseung had and left him with nothing to do with his hands. Hyunseung wished he hadn't. He tucked them deep in the back pockets of his skinnies. Gikwang's smile was seriously getting to him. He'd never been around a boy so pretty. He'd had trouble feeling comfortable around Seunghyun hyung for the first week or two, but once Big Bang became his family, he got used to it. Right now, though, he felt the exact same way about Gikwang. As they shuffled into the dorm, Yoseob began pointing with his free hand in different directions, naming rooms and relevant areas.
“How old are you?” Yoseob asked. Hyunseung answered without a hitch, used to that being the first thing people asked besides his name.
“Twenty-one,” he said, still letting his eyes wander the dorm.
“Yah... another hyung...” Yoseob joked.
The first thing Hyunseung noticed was how messy it was. It wasn't awful, but he was used to Big Bang's dorm, which was much neater. It didn't bother him - it just occurred to him, since he was used to it tidy. He noticed he had followed Yoseob and Gikwang into a bedroom and froze, suddenly aware of the presence of others. It was small and cramped, and he felt like he was much to close to the shirtless figure in front of him. His eyes hadn't even made it to the face of the body's beholder, since a set of sculpted abs stuck teasingly out of an adorably skinny, milky-white stomach, screaming 'stare at me.'
It took a moment for Hyunseung to realise he really was staring, and he jerked his eyes away, colour rising to his normally so pale cheeks.
“Mianhamnida...” the new person said, a smile in his voice. Hyunseung hated that he reacted like this. He wanted to get over this stage... so badly. “We woke up late. All except Dujun.”
“Dongwoonie, this is Hyunseung hyung. Hyunseung, this is Dongwoon, who apologises for not dressing faster.”
“I did apologise!” Dongwoon complained, though not angrily. Hyunseung smiled at Dongwoon, finally seeing his face. Hyunseung didn't let it show in his features, but he was a little surprised at Dongwoon's appearance. He didn't seem... Korean. He just had a different look to him. Unfortunately for Hyunseung, he was also damn pretty.
I'm not going to get a break, am I?
He gave up thinking one of them might be average and spare him the embarrassment of eternally blushing. Hew knew they'd all be gorgeous. Come to think of it, he didn't know how many there were. He'd met three.
Hyunseung looked at the beds... six. Did that mean there were six before him? Maybe there were only three. No, Dongwoon mentioned a 'Dujun.' There must have been at least four. Just then, another figure appeared at the door, breaking Hyunseung out of his dreamy state.
Before he could really see the person at the door, Yoseob tapped him and Hyunseung turned to him.
“This is your bed,” Yoseob said, putting Hyunseung's bag beside where Gikwang had already put the other - on the end bottom bunk. Hyunseung was happy there - as far away from the others as possible - in a secluded corner. That way he could face the wall and pretend there weren't any unbelievably screw-able boys sleeping - oh so exposed and vulnerable - right behind him.
With that thought, he mentally pinched himself and nodded at Yoseob with a small smile. Then he remembered the presence behind him which he assumed was Dujun.
“Junhyungie,” Gikwang said, looking up towards the doorway. Hyunseung almost groaned. Five?! He thought, wishing he could just crawl into a hole in the wall and watch them so that nobody could see his blushes.
No... he told himself. I'm going to get through this. These guys are going to be my brothers. This is going to be my life. SNAP OUT OF IT!!
“Annyonghaseyo,” Hyunseung said, his face betraying no emotion. Junhyung nodded once, a tiny smile on his charismatic face, and cocked his head to the side. Hyunseung didn't like to judge a book by it's cover, but Junhyung was reading an awful lot like a rapper. Maybe it was his hair, bleached to a light chestnut with designs shaved into the sides. Maybe it was his lack of respectful greeting. Maybe it was just the way he was standing and sizing Hyunseung up - trying to tell whether to call him 'hyung' or 'dongsaeng.' He seemed to decide on neither.
It seemed like forever, but Gikwang finally continued. “This is Hyunseung Hyung.”
“Junhyung,” he said, bowing slightly. Hyunseung dipped forward a little, surprised.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Where's Dujunie?” Gikwang asked, pulling Junhyung's eyes from Hyunseung. Before he could answer, though, yet another figure appeared at the door, just behind Junhyung.
“Here,” the last guy said, obviously the owner of the name 'Dujun.' The name had been thrown around so much in just five minutes that Hyunseung wondered if he had the most influence on the boys; if he was the most leaderly. When he met gazes with Dujun, he smiled, ready to introduce himself, but Dujun's expression stopped him. “You're So-1...” Hyunseung wished, again, that he could be in that hole in the wall.
“Who?” Gikwang asked.
“From Big Bang. Didn't you guys ever watch the 'Big Bang Documentary’?”
“Dujun hyung...” Dongwoon said, noticing Hyunseung's discomfort.
“Oh... sorry. Is that... a sensitive topic?” Hyunseung shrugged. “I'm Yoon Dujun,” he said, making a small bow. Hyunseung noticed he was the only one to fully introduce himself.
“Jang Hyunseung,” he said, returning the bow.
“I see you've met everyone,” Dujun said, glancing at each of his dorm mates in turn. “Welcome!” Hyunseung smiled. With all of them dressed and no room to allow himself a curious glance at any of their dreamy faces, he felt a little more comfortable. “Well, since we have the day off to settle you in, what would you like to do?”
Hyunseung didn't want to do anything but sleep, really, but he also wanted to get to know his dorm mates. He ruled out leaving the dorm in fear of being recognised again, so he asked if they could just stay home. They did spend most of the day at home; however, he was coaxed outside for a brief trip to the grocery store before dinner.
He wanted to help make dinner, but Dujun insisted the others do it for him as a welcome gift. So Hyunseung got to sit to the side of the main room at watch. The dinner was one thing, but he didn't think he could have asked for a better present than that.
Yoseob, Gikwang and Junhyung sat and chopped vegetables in the main room and Dongwoon and Dujun did the rest in the kitchen where Hyunseung couldn't really see. After not long, though he could smell what they were doing. Meat sizzled away, its scent masked by the kimchi soup. His stomach rumbled loudly when he noticed it, causing the three on vegetable duty to turn their concentrated gazes on him.
He couldn't help but laugh and they soon joined him.
“I agree with Hyunseung's stomach,” Gikwang said.
“Hurry up in there!” Junhyung called, smiling. Hyunseung loved just observing. He was quite happy learning their personalities and their social habits. It made him feel more comfortable than experiencing it all first-hand.
In the one day, he'd learnt at least some of their personalities. Yoseob seemed to be the biggest character - at least at first. He was outgoing and loud and had a great sense of humour. He also seemed to get along best with Junhyung. They seemed to share something the others didn't. Junhyung, on the other hand, was quiet... almost scary. He didn't leave a particularly pleasant first impression, but Hyunseung was willing to work on that. He seemed friendly enough with the others, and Hyunseung was sure he'd warm up to him.
He liked observing Gikwang, simply because he was just so damn beautiful. He could look at him all day. Not only his impossibly attractive face, but his arms, his legs, his arse. He really could just watch him for unhealthy amounts of time. But when he'd had most of the day to do so, he began to notice his personality as well.
The first thing he noticed was that he was a bit slow. Not stupid, just a little slow. It was often funny, though, since he was always so nice and happy, but he got the jokes last and always took longer to think of something to say. Hyunseung thought it might be something that would annoy him in a person, but in Gikwang, it was simply adorable.
Dongwoon was a little shy, but he expected that from the magnae. He was pleasant; friendly, and always respectful. He thought, also, that he could trust him - it was just a vibe he got. Around Dujun, though, especially then in the kitchen when it was just the two of them, he seemed to open up a lot more. From where Hyunseung was sitting, just out of hearing range of their conversation, he could tell Dongwoon was relaxed. He smiled and laughed more and his body was loose. Hyunseung wondered if it was his presence that made Dongwoon shy, or if it was Dujun who made him open up.
Then there was Dujun. In all of the hours the six of them had just sat and talked, he didn't seem to learn a single thing about Dujun. Not things like his favourite colour or his hobbies, but things like he learnt about the others - their social habits and personalities. None of that came out in Dujun, like he was hiding it all. He would need to work on that one a bit more.
Eventually, dinner was served with Dujun and Dongwoon carrying plates and bowls down to the middle of the room.
“Jang Hyunseung,” Yoseob said, before any of them began to eat. “Welcome to the dorm.”
Two months had passed since Hyunseung moved into the dorm. He was finally beginning to feel like one of them. He thought he'd miss Big Bang forever and never feel that welcome anywhere again, but in this dorm, he felt so much better. The loneliness he normally felt when he was alone was gone. He figured it may have contributed that he was the second oldest, therefore everyone younger was much more respectful towards him. Not to say he wasn't the same back, however.
Still, though, Dujun continued to be a nut that he was yet to crack. He'd asked Gikwang about it - to whom Hyunseung had grown closest - and Gikwang assured him that it was just Dujun's way.
“You know him; he just likes to be in control. If we knew all of his secrets, he'd be too exposed - we'd have too much power over him. Can you imagine him in a lower position than any of us?” Hyunseung agreed, but he still wanted to know if he'd be able to get through to him.
After all of that time, it seemed like nothing had happened except Gikwang's solo career (confirming for Hyunseung that his suspicions about Junhyung being a rapper were in fact correct), and just when he was wondering if he and Dongwoon were doomed to a life of watching their friends succeed instead of doing it themselves, Cube answered their prayers.
B2ST was born.
After three years, Hyunseung was back in a band. Finally. These guys were his best friends, but now, they were more than that. They were his band mates. The night after they were told - once they got home from Cube HQ - they just sat in the main room, staring into nothing, giving each other disbelieving looks and trying to think of something to say.
“So...” Yoseob began, “who else saw this coming?” Slowly, hands went up around the room. Smiles spread on the faces of five of them, until they realised Gikwang hadn't raised his hand.
“What? I really didn't see it coming.”
“You didn't need it,” Dujun said, causing a slight giggle around them.
“This will be more fun,” Gikwang said, moving away from the previous statement. “I've always wanted to work with all of you guys. I know how talented you all are and... I just can't wait to see what we can do.” There were nods of agreement all around, followed by more silence.
“I have too much energy,” Hyunseung said, standing and taking three long steps to the stereo. “So I'm going to dance.” He recognised Dujun and Junhyung's groans, but he was glad that Gikwang and Dongwoon joined him. He knew he was the only one absolutely mad about dancing - absolutely obsessed with perfection - but he also knew the others liked to dance, they were just lazy. It was late - past eleven, but he'd be tossing and turning all night if he didn't release his energy now.
When music began to play, Hyunseung didn't need anything else. The floor was clear and his body was full of energy. He didn't even need to think. Before he knew it, his body was following the music, moving independently. He felt free. If anything ever bothered him, all he needed was some music and a clear space and everything went away. Everything but his body and the beat.
Behind him he could hear and feel Gikwang and Dongwoon, and he was sure Yoseob had joined them, but he didn't care enough to turn. He didn't even notice he'd began to move to a dance he'd learnt in his time with Big Bang, but he let it go on.
With the movements, memories began flowing back. Memories of learning the dance with Seunghyun hyung, Seunghyun dongsaeng, Youngbae, Daesung and Jiyong. Memories of how hard he tried, learning the same move over and over, failing so often, never perfecting it. He remembered Jiyong telling him it was great - that it looked fine the way he was doing it - that he should stop pushing himself. He remembered swearing to himself that he'd get it right, and he remembered disappointment. So much disappointment.
Before he could realise when it began, tears had streaked his cheeks and dripped all the way down to his tank top. And then, that move. And he failed, his feet catching, sending him flying towards the floor. His knees hit the linoleum hard, but it didn't hurt nearly as much as the self-criticism - the sense of failure he felt and all the pain of not being good enough for Big Bang. He wished he could save himself the agonising embarrassment of crying in front of his friends, but he'd broken down, and he wasn't getting back up any time soon.
As he expected, Gikwang was instantly upon him, his comforting hand on his back and his caring voice trying to coax from him an explanation, or at least a sign that he was all right. Hyunseung didn't notice it happen, but when he managed to slow his sobs, he glanced up and Gikwang and met eyes with Dujun. He expected that less than seeing Jung Juri.
As much as Dujun seemed like the friendly, personable type, Hyunseung knew him better than that. He didn't know quite what it was, but he knew enough to be surprised when Dujun was the one who seemed to care the most - who got everyone else out of the way just to comfort him.
“Hyunseungie, talk to me,” Dujun began, “what's wrong?” Hyunseung tried to slow his breathing and calm the seemingly continuous hiccing, but as soon as he closed his eyes again, the sobs returned. He felt so pathetic. So lost in shame, he barely noticed Dujun pulling him close.
It seemed like hours, but he finally stopped crying. He noticed himself, then, the top half of his body cradled in Dujun's lap. He didn't know if he felt comfortable or not. He thought that with any of the other members, he'd feel right at home, but Dujun was normally so distant, so different, that he felt like he didn't belong there, like a little kid in a bottle shop or a middle-schooler in their older sibling's high school.
He felt Dujun's fingers, ever so lightly, brush hair back off his face that had been stuck there with dry tears. Hyunseung sniffed, wishing he didn't feel so pathetic.
“Are you ready to tell me what's wrong?” Hyunseung noticed that they were alone in the room - either that or the others were being impossibly quiet.
“No.”
“All right.” Hyunseung didn't know what he expected, but it wasn't for Dujun to leave it at that.
“Dujun-ah?” Hyunseung said, wishing his voice didn't crack.
“Yeah?” Dujun answered, sounding almost wary of the affectionate way in which Hyunseung said his name.
“This band is going to work, right?” There was a moment of silence while Dujun finally registered what Hyunseung's breakdown had been about.
“Of course it is. We've been signed to a record label, Seungie. We're going to be writing songs and learning dances in no time. I promise.” It comforted Hyunseung to hear his friend's confidence, but he was more intrigued, at the time, by the fact that Dujun's fingers were, possibly absently, stroking through his hair. Hyunseung wasn't about to complain - it was so relaxing he could fall asleep. Also, it was past midnight...
“Thanks, Dujun.”
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah... I think I just... needed that.” Dujun's fingers stopped and Hyunseung sat up. When he met eyes with Dujun, the older laughed slightly. “Shut up,” Hyunseung said, knowing damn well how puffy his eyes were. His throat hurt from the effort of crying and his side was numb from lying on it, but his mind felt lighter and his scalp was tingling from the memory of Dujun's fingers against it.
Dujun sighed and stood, offering Hyunseung his hand. They got ready for bed in silence, Hyunseung noticed Dujun returning to his reserved state. He wasn't surprised. The 'charismatic leader' couldn't be too vulnerable for too long. Hyunseung smiled to himself as he climbed into his bed beside Junhyung. It took a mental breakdown of epic proportions, but he managed to peel away at least one layer of Dujun's tough exterior. He wondered how many there were to go before he would get to see the real Dujun.
EDIT: Check beastattack for rest of fics XD