There's so little energy left, and yet so much to take on.
I'm sitting here feeling like someone pulled the plug on my energy stores and they're slowly seeping out of me. Is this because I have a wee baby that I'm trying to sleep train through the night? Or is it the effect of getting older? I have a feeling it's more that just being the mom of a 6 month old baby. I feel tired all over. I think of all the things I have to do, not least of which is talk to a group of street-involved single moms tomorrow, and I feel absolutely deflated. I want so much to offer the world something, but hoisting myself up to the motivation seems to require a herculean effort. I'm fried.
Getting older is hard. I used to wonder why people tried so hard to retain their youth - why all the fancy elixirs and creams and weird contraptions and plastic surgery? It's because as time slips away, it's hard not to think about what it's for. What is it for? If it's for nothing, then there's so much desperation to hold on to our youth. That's all that counts. Do we come into the world just to make more of ourselves and see how can capture the most prizes? I don't think so, but maybe that's it after all. If so, I'm oriented the wrong way in longing for greater simplicity.
Yesterday my friend and I were talking about what it would mean to try and rescue girls from human trafficking rings. How terrifying and potentially deadly - especially when considering the extent and violence of the drug and war lords who run them. But at least one's life would be for something. For something! Not for nice weekly manicures or fancy clothes or designer bags and shoes. Not for expensive dinners, or self-promoting marathons, or even terrific vacations. But for something purposeful that leaves the world a better place than when we got here.
I'm thinking all of this, of course, in light of the conservative win in our federal election on Monday. It's so disheartening to know that the sole motivation for those who voted for them was monetary. I heard economists say that foreign investors will be more inclined to stay with Canada now that the conservative government has been affirmed. So we sell our souls, and care of those who are hurting most, to attract foreign money. We tear down the life-sustaining trees in old growth forests and pollute our water ways and exploit our arctic resources to perpetuate something that has no real purpose, and adds no goodness to the world.
I feel so defeated. There is so much to do, and I feel like one tiny person with a tiny, tired voice, trying to convince a tsunami to turn around and head back to the ocean.
Getting older is hard. I used to wonder why people tried so hard to retain their youth - why all the fancy elixirs and creams and weird contraptions and plastic surgery? It's because as time slips away, it's hard not to think about what it's for. What is it for? If it's for nothing, then there's so much desperation to hold on to our youth. That's all that counts. Do we come into the world just to make more of ourselves and see how can capture the most prizes? I don't think so, but maybe that's it after all. If so, I'm oriented the wrong way in longing for greater simplicity.
Yesterday my friend and I were talking about what it would mean to try and rescue girls from human trafficking rings. How terrifying and potentially deadly - especially when considering the extent and violence of the drug and war lords who run them. But at least one's life would be for something. For something! Not for nice weekly manicures or fancy clothes or designer bags and shoes. Not for expensive dinners, or self-promoting marathons, or even terrific vacations. But for something purposeful that leaves the world a better place than when we got here.
I'm thinking all of this, of course, in light of the conservative win in our federal election on Monday. It's so disheartening to know that the sole motivation for those who voted for them was monetary. I heard economists say that foreign investors will be more inclined to stay with Canada now that the conservative government has been affirmed. So we sell our souls, and care of those who are hurting most, to attract foreign money. We tear down the life-sustaining trees in old growth forests and pollute our water ways and exploit our arctic resources to perpetuate something that has no real purpose, and adds no goodness to the world.
I feel so defeated. There is so much to do, and I feel like one tiny person with a tiny, tired voice, trying to convince a tsunami to turn around and head back to the ocean.