lame
so i had full intentions of working on something school related, a presentation im giving this afternoon, studying japanese, anything.... but i just cant seem to bring myself to do it, i feel constantly tired and lame and stressed out about something that i in actuality dont care about. school for me has become so pointless. but i have gotten into debt for it and still have no BA. i want to get on with life and what it comes down to now is dissapointing people. i feel like my parents and holly would be dissapointed in me if i didnt finish this all up this year. i feel like i should only because i dont want to feel like i wasted so much money for nothing, mind you it still will be wasted money, how many people go to school to learn how to run a fucking VCR? i dont blame the school for having a lame major, half the people int he major CANT run a god damn VCR. its frustrating beyond anything out there.
whats scary about it is that i feel like im slipping into aplace i was a little over a year ago where im doing something for the sake of doing it and i cant just stop. and it makes me miserable and i go home and am miserable and just let it fill me and then i have a tendency to take it out on other people, holly specifically cause shes the only one there. i am more aware of it than i was years ago but i fucking hate feeling that way and hate that i cant just let myself get over it and be happy with everything else. its not holly's fault that this school is a waste of my fucking life, some people actually got something out of it, but its not the school ideally for me. but ii cant afford the school that i think is ideal for me so i settled, and thats what i always do in these types of situations, i settle for the mediocre hoping that it will just fill time and purpose until i find something more worthwhile.
I did get a new job doing something that i actually enjoy and am excited about. im sure ill learn more at my time there than i could in 5 years at this lame school. ill be an audio and lighting tech for in park theatre at darien lake, and it may lead to a supervisor position., but its all stuff im interested in, and actually have skill in and requires skill to do.
yeah its been a lame month
but as everyone says, it will all be over soon
adam G
whats scary about it is that i feel like im slipping into aplace i was a little over a year ago where im doing something for the sake of doing it and i cant just stop. and it makes me miserable and i go home and am miserable and just let it fill me and then i have a tendency to take it out on other people, holly specifically cause shes the only one there. i am more aware of it than i was years ago but i fucking hate feeling that way and hate that i cant just let myself get over it and be happy with everything else. its not holly's fault that this school is a waste of my fucking life, some people actually got something out of it, but its not the school ideally for me. but ii cant afford the school that i think is ideal for me so i settled, and thats what i always do in these types of situations, i settle for the mediocre hoping that it will just fill time and purpose until i find something more worthwhile.
I did get a new job doing something that i actually enjoy and am excited about. im sure ill learn more at my time there than i could in 5 years at this lame school. ill be an audio and lighting tech for in park theatre at darien lake, and it may lead to a supervisor position., but its all stuff im interested in, and actually have skill in and requires skill to do.
yeah its been a lame month
but as everyone says, it will all be over soon
adam G