You Make Me Feel Like a Whore
Joel and I had a bit of an incident this morning. I told him 3 times that I didn't want to have sex, and he didn't believe me. I eventually gave in, but now I hurt inside. I thought I'd left that shit behind, and Joel seemed perfect. But apparently if you get a heavy dose of Ambien into the boy, he stops caring about what YOU want and only cares about what HE wants... in this case, he wanted sex from me.
Now I feel I'm back to where I started with all those other fucks. I feel so downtrodden and alone right now. I never thought I'd be in such a degrading situation - just being somebody's sex toy by believing he actually loved me. I'm so gullible sometimes. HE JUST SEEMED SO NICE! So nice. Mr. Right. And I guess I was wrong. I should know better than to trust anyone with a penis. Oh Sarah, will you ever learn?
After the discussion we had on it this afternoon, he buggered off to play Magic. I don't know when he's coming home. I tried calling him, to see if he'd be willing to talk about it, but he said he was caught up in a game and would be there a while. Wonderful.
Feeling a little torn down. If anybody who reads this cares, remind me. I need to know that there are people out there who care for me. I feel so all alone...