(no subject)
I'm almost done with my second year in nursing. So far, 2008 has been good, but not as great as I would have hoped for. I mean, I've passed all my exams, I've made new friends and I've been eating quite healthy compared to last year. 2007 was a disaster actually haha, but then again I was a lot thinner than I am right now. I know people think I look much better today and that I should never go back to the way I was. I don't agree though. I want yo be 48 kilos..no that's not low enough. I want to be 40 kilos to be honest. That's how my mind goes day in and day out. Every time I eat something, I think"shit" I've screwed up again. I eat, but I still have my safe foods and foods I never ever dare to eat, the foods I imagine will make me twice as fat even though I can eat something with a similar amount of calories as long as it's healthy...
Blah, my mind is exhausting. The disease is still there lurking and terrorizing my self image. The common sense is also there fighting for a worthy life, making me functioning as a human being, Oh, but it's hard, so hard...
Blah, my mind is exhausting. The disease is still there lurking and terrorizing my self image. The common sense is also there fighting for a worthy life, making me functioning as a human being, Oh, but it's hard, so hard...