everything changes.
i wasn't going to write anything this week; i was just going to sort of float away in sadness and nostalgia. but i kind of feel like i should, because i'm not floating, sad, or nostalgic, so i will.
i met with RE, my therapist, this morning - for the first time in six months or so. i had been feeling a little meh before i went in, but am feeling a lot better now. and it's not like she said anything in particular that did it - i think it was just the sitting and talking and realising that i really am doing ok. i'm almost off the 'zac now and i'm pretty darn close to having it all together. i learned a lot over the past year and it's been...better than i expected, considering i never expected to survive it at all. i am in a really good place overall. yeah, i still have stress and freakouts and whatnot, but that's just the day-to-day, and that'll always be there. what matters is that i am strong and brave and kind and generous and funny and passionate and confident in all of that.
so i wanted to post some lyrics because they kind of sum up how my life has been. that and i adore amanda palmer.
i tried to fall in it again
my friends took bets and disappeared.
they mime their sighing violins -
i think i'll wait another year.
i want my chest pressed to your chest -
my nervous systems interfere.
ten or eleven months have passed...
i think i'll wait another year
this weather turns my tricks to rust -
i am a lousy engineer.
the winter makes things hard enough.
i think i'll wait another year.
plus i'm only twenty-six years old -
my grandma died at eighty-three.
that's lots of time if i don't smoke.
i think i'll wait another year.
i'm not as callous as you think;
i barely breathe when you are near.
it's not as bad when i don't drink.
i think i'll wait another year
i have my new bill hicks cd,
i have my friends and my career.
i'm getting smaller by degrees...
you said you'd help me disappear, but that could take forever
i think i'll wait another year - it'll be the best year ever
i think i'll wait another year - can't we just wait together?
you bring the smokes, i'll bring the beer...
i think i'll wait another year.
i met with RE, my therapist, this morning - for the first time in six months or so. i had been feeling a little meh before i went in, but am feeling a lot better now. and it's not like she said anything in particular that did it - i think it was just the sitting and talking and realising that i really am doing ok. i'm almost off the 'zac now and i'm pretty darn close to having it all together. i learned a lot over the past year and it's been...better than i expected, considering i never expected to survive it at all. i am in a really good place overall. yeah, i still have stress and freakouts and whatnot, but that's just the day-to-day, and that'll always be there. what matters is that i am strong and brave and kind and generous and funny and passionate and confident in all of that.
so i wanted to post some lyrics because they kind of sum up how my life has been. that and i adore amanda palmer.
i tried to fall in it again
my friends took bets and disappeared.
they mime their sighing violins -
i think i'll wait another year.
i want my chest pressed to your chest -
my nervous systems interfere.
ten or eleven months have passed...
i think i'll wait another year
this weather turns my tricks to rust -
i am a lousy engineer.
the winter makes things hard enough.
i think i'll wait another year.
plus i'm only twenty-six years old -
my grandma died at eighty-three.
that's lots of time if i don't smoke.
i think i'll wait another year.
i'm not as callous as you think;
i barely breathe when you are near.
it's not as bad when i don't drink.
i think i'll wait another year
i have my new bill hicks cd,
i have my friends and my career.
i'm getting smaller by degrees...
you said you'd help me disappear, but that could take forever
i think i'll wait another year - it'll be the best year ever
i think i'll wait another year - can't we just wait together?
you bring the smokes, i'll bring the beer...
i think i'll wait another year.