(no subject)
I rarely post public entries, but I figured today I might as well, because I don't have all that much to hide anyway. According to my computer's clock, it's Christmas; but since my computer thinks it's in Central time zone and I'm actually in Mountain time zone, it's really only 11. We usually go to the 11:30 pm service at Central Presbyterian downtown, but we're all exhausted and none of us really cares. I am still somewhat angry with the thing I call God, even with my "Christmas miracle" of getting here after a cancelled flight yesterday, so it is probably just as well. I can't make my peace quite yet.
I have finished almost all of my work, and I went out and got some Christmas shopping done with my mom and that was good. The floaters at Borders were incompetent, but at least the lines moved fast. I've been off and on sleeping, watching QAF season 1, and reading today; I am so exhausted mentally and physically that I can't bring myself to do much else. I haven't eaten much in the last couple of days. My mom and I have had a number of good conversations and I am glad to be here. But now that I'm here I sort of wish I could just curl up and have her take care of me for awhile.
We are getting more honest with each other, she and I. Today we talked about regrets, and she told me that she really only has one in her life, that the rest - even the things she's lucky to have lived through - have been all part of the learning experience. That doesn't stop them from hurting still from time to time, but she doesn't regret them. I don't have much in the way of regrets either and I never have; I don't have too many "I wish I hadn't" moments. Even the things that have resulted in loss and grief, I still say that it was good in the end, because I would not be where I am and I would rather know the truth than be blissfully unaware. Always.
I think I am unlikely to post again until after I get back home. So as 2007 comes to a close, I have this to say: this has been one of the most difficult, but also most rewarding years of my life. I gained weight and lost friends, but I am a stronger person in the end, and it's always a matter of picking which battles are worthwhile and which are not. I have done that. And I am still here.
No matter what else there is to say about 2007, it boils down to this: I am still here.
I have finished almost all of my work, and I went out and got some Christmas shopping done with my mom and that was good. The floaters at Borders were incompetent, but at least the lines moved fast. I've been off and on sleeping, watching QAF season 1, and reading today; I am so exhausted mentally and physically that I can't bring myself to do much else. I haven't eaten much in the last couple of days. My mom and I have had a number of good conversations and I am glad to be here. But now that I'm here I sort of wish I could just curl up and have her take care of me for awhile.
We are getting more honest with each other, she and I. Today we talked about regrets, and she told me that she really only has one in her life, that the rest - even the things she's lucky to have lived through - have been all part of the learning experience. That doesn't stop them from hurting still from time to time, but she doesn't regret them. I don't have much in the way of regrets either and I never have; I don't have too many "I wish I hadn't" moments. Even the things that have resulted in loss and grief, I still say that it was good in the end, because I would not be where I am and I would rather know the truth than be blissfully unaware. Always.
I think I am unlikely to post again until after I get back home. So as 2007 comes to a close, I have this to say: this has been one of the most difficult, but also most rewarding years of my life. I gained weight and lost friends, but I am a stronger person in the end, and it's always a matter of picking which battles are worthwhile and which are not. I have done that. And I am still here.
No matter what else there is to say about 2007, it boils down to this: I am still here.