I put the Hopeless back into Hopeless Romantic
The television started to play that anti animal cruelty commercial that always gets to me; the one with the Sarah McLaughlin song "In the Arms of an Angel."
So I got up and walked away and thought - hmm, I should download that song.
As I popped up Lime-Wire (I know, there are better options for song downloading that have less malware - but this isn't about me being lazy and stupid) I realized that I NO Sara McLaughlin songs at all.
So I decided to download them all.
Then I came across "I Will Remember You."
And now I'm a bit depressed. That was our prom song for 1999 (both for Geneva high school and Conant). That was the last year I was with Tristan. It is now ten years since we broke up, and I'm still in love with him. *sigh* Fuck stupid little me.
I mean, I love him, and I know that I will always love him. On the plus side, I'm no longer smitten with him and don't WANT to marry him - not the person that he is now (a slob and alcoholic; I could handle the other mental issues). But that doesn't mean I don't miss the person he used to be and the relationship we used to have even though we have both evolved, and we have mostly done so AWAY from each other. Yet, it seems that we are forever intertwined... until I decide to cut him out of my life so I can move forward and potentially find someone to spend my life with.
The problem is that while I DO want marriage, I hate cutting people out of my life and it would hurt tremendously to let him go even if I never see him being that person. And while right now there isn't so much as a boyfriend on the horizon, I do know that when that time comes I better be prepared at a moments notice to have an answer to following question:
Is the benefit worth the cost?
Is finding someone to marry and spend my life with so important that I'm willing to give up Tristan?
I hate the idea of sacrificing either....
"I will remember you
Will you remember me
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had..."