The ANNOTATED Beloit College Mindset List, Class of 2012
Beloit College has released its Mindset List for the incoming class, which (for those who finish, and take only four years to do it) will be the Class of 2012. Here it is, with my comments.
Students entering college for the first time this fall were generally born in 1990.
For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead.
1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.
More interesting: they might actually have a Quidditch team.
2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.
What's more annoying, a karaoke machine in a diaper or a misplaced modifier in a college's press release?
3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.
I've been doing that since 1985. Get with the times!
4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
But until they were 10 years old, only the military could use them. It's the class of 2022 that will have grown up never needing to ask directions.
5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.
This explains New Coke.
7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
Lots of gas stations have a few auto service bays, especially in small towns. What's in that cappuccino, anyway?
8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce “tax revenue increases.”
More importantly for professors: your new students have always associated a Republican administration with increased spending.
9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.
The Class of 2012 has never filed a tax return on their own behalf. They've been listed as dependents. What they can't figure out is why you would pay sales tax when you can buy it online and get free shipping with no sales tax-and if you don't like the way it looks, you can customize it before it's made!
10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.
11. All have had a relative--or known about a friend's relative--who died comfortably at home with Hospice.
12. As a precursor to “whatever,” they have recognized that some people “just don’t get it.”
Whatever.
13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
Who's this "Mickey"? Oh, you mean that mouse from A Goofy Movie, which came out when your new students were the perfect 5-year-old audience for it? He was in Kingdom Hearts, too.
14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.
And so has the Mindset List.
15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.
That's what your students' moms might have been thinking. Martha Stewart has had nothing interesting to say to your students.
16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.
This is a high-class blog and I refuse to mention Cytherea here.
17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.
The Beloit College class of 2012 must have some MONEY.
18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
Don't you mean "WWF has always been about pandas, not piledrivers" or "Hulk Hogan has always been shown on TV behaving realistically"?
19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
Your students have seen the phrase "X rated" on plenty of websites already. Nobody carries coin-filled bags bearing the dollar symbol, but your students aren't exactly unfamiliar with either cultural referent.
20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.
And they're both opening for Anti-Flag at next week's all-ages show.
21. Students have always been "Rocking the Vote.”
22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.
Students have always known that thanks to Clarence Thomas, it doesn't matter how hard they rock the vote, their candidate isn't going to be inaugurated anyway.
23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.
If by "concerned about multiculturalism" you mean "creating dress-code laws that target the fashions of Black students, even though the teachers are the only ones who are offended", sure.
24. We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”
Then why have the class of 2012 had to sit through twelve more years of this stuff, and why do they plan to sit through another four? The mindset of the class of 2012 is that adults have always been hypocritical about that and lots more.
25. There have always been gay rabbis.
This has probably been true for a very long time. It's only recently been newsworthy.
26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.
Wayne Newton has never done anything except Dancing with the Stars, and that's not worth downloading. If you meant watching live TV (and why?), HIMYM is on at the same time. The class of 2012 was mostly chatting until Heroes came on an hour later, and then they switched to texting.
27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.
College grads have never had more appealing options, either.
28. IBM has never made typewriters.
What's IBM?
29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.
This makes no sense at all. I know the satirical incident this refers to, but CO12 knows Roseanne Barr as the fat lady who had her own show, which should have been called Darlene.
30. McDonald’s and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.
They have always known someone who's vegan.
31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
They have never cared. Is someone still bitter about the decision to call it "peach" instead of "flesh"?
32. There has always been Pearl Jam.
There has never been a need to find it by browsing through "record stores", since by the time the class of 2012 could hold a mouse, IUMA and its successors have offered free music online.
33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
And he has never been funny.
34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.
Oh, I wouldn't say that, exactly. It's just that nobody has dared to show it on TV.
35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.
Oops! This was supposed to be submitted to "Pluggers".
36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.
The class of 2012 may have brain damage resulting from chewing on short-circuited game systems and PCB-leaching cartridges. Their dead twins will have choked on the batteries already.
37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.
And nobody has ever heard of a similar project in Berlin.
38. Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.
Why would Russia name a city after the guy who sang "Imagine"?
39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.
Employed members of the class of 2012 have never had their own credit ratings yet.
40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.
Here's an example of what I still like about the Mindset List. No quibbles here; that's a solid example of how globalization has made the exotic familiar.
41. Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.
And here's an example of the other parts. Who on earth would think differently? It's not like Macaulay Culkin used to be known as a bodybuilder and is now a politician. Kevin McCallister is just an iconic role. This tells us nothing about changes in society.
42. Their parents may have watched The American Gladiators on TV the day they were born.
There's no "The" in the title. But if your new students from the class of 2012 have names like "Nitro" and "Zap", this explains why.
43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.
For the class of 2012, personal privacy has always been an illusion.
44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.
Except for a few antiques, and in the school's office, phones have never had cords.
45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.
But most members of the class of 2012 who have gone to the hospital have never been asked about a living will.
46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.
The guy from There's Something About Mary, right?
47. They never heard an attendant ask “Want me to check under the hood?”
They have no idea what you mean by "attendant" in this context.
48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.
Only the free-lunch kids drink fountain water.
49. Soft drink refills have always been free.
Except at the food court and the drive-through and the vending machine and Starbucks. But those are merely the places where the members of the class of 2012 get soft drinks most often. Teens on their own aren't welcome in most sit-down restaurants, and teens accompanied by adults rarely pay at those restaurants.
50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about “nothing.”
So is this list a tribute to Seinfeld?
51. Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
Windows operating systems have yet to make PCs user-friendly.
52. Muscovites have always been able to buy Big Macs.
But only we Americans (and perhaps some mafiya) have been able to afford the MacBook Air.
53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.
This was interesting in 1990 because it was surprising that it had been different. Most of the Beloit College Class of 2012 have never even heard of the Royal New Zealand Navy.
54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.
And has never been the butt of jokes.
55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.
Plenty of doctors still use disposable strips.
56. Michael Millken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.
That would be "Milken", and again, CO12 has never heard of this guy.
57. Off-shore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.
And has always been advocated, even following Katrina.
58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.
Since when are there only two sides?
59. There have always been charter schools.
OK, this is a good one.
60. Students always had Goosebumps.
Thanks to R.L. Stine. Not that your tenured professors would know that.
Students entering college for the first time this fall were generally born in 1990.
For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead.
1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.
More interesting: they might actually have a Quidditch team.
2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.
What's more annoying, a karaoke machine in a diaper or a misplaced modifier in a college's press release?
3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.
I've been doing that since 1985. Get with the times!
4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
But until they were 10 years old, only the military could use them. It's the class of 2022 that will have grown up never needing to ask directions.
5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.
This explains New Coke.
7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
Lots of gas stations have a few auto service bays, especially in small towns. What's in that cappuccino, anyway?
8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce “tax revenue increases.”
More importantly for professors: your new students have always associated a Republican administration with increased spending.
9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.
The Class of 2012 has never filed a tax return on their own behalf. They've been listed as dependents. What they can't figure out is why you would pay sales tax when you can buy it online and get free shipping with no sales tax-and if you don't like the way it looks, you can customize it before it's made!
10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.
11. All have had a relative--or known about a friend's relative--who died comfortably at home with Hospice.
12. As a precursor to “whatever,” they have recognized that some people “just don’t get it.”
Whatever.
13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
Who's this "Mickey"? Oh, you mean that mouse from A Goofy Movie, which came out when your new students were the perfect 5-year-old audience for it? He was in Kingdom Hearts, too.
14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.
And so has the Mindset List.
15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.
That's what your students' moms might have been thinking. Martha Stewart has had nothing interesting to say to your students.
16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.
This is a high-class blog and I refuse to mention Cytherea here.
17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.
The Beloit College class of 2012 must have some MONEY.
18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
Don't you mean "WWF has always been about pandas, not piledrivers" or "Hulk Hogan has always been shown on TV behaving realistically"?
19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
Your students have seen the phrase "X rated" on plenty of websites already. Nobody carries coin-filled bags bearing the dollar symbol, but your students aren't exactly unfamiliar with either cultural referent.
20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.
And they're both opening for Anti-Flag at next week's all-ages show.
21. Students have always been "Rocking the Vote.”
22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.
Students have always known that thanks to Clarence Thomas, it doesn't matter how hard they rock the vote, their candidate isn't going to be inaugurated anyway.
23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.
If by "concerned about multiculturalism" you mean "creating dress-code laws that target the fashions of Black students, even though the teachers are the only ones who are offended", sure.
24. We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”
Then why have the class of 2012 had to sit through twelve more years of this stuff, and why do they plan to sit through another four? The mindset of the class of 2012 is that adults have always been hypocritical about that and lots more.
25. There have always been gay rabbis.
This has probably been true for a very long time. It's only recently been newsworthy.
26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.
Wayne Newton has never done anything except Dancing with the Stars, and that's not worth downloading. If you meant watching live TV (and why?), HIMYM is on at the same time. The class of 2012 was mostly chatting until Heroes came on an hour later, and then they switched to texting.
27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.
College grads have never had more appealing options, either.
28. IBM has never made typewriters.
What's IBM?
29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.
This makes no sense at all. I know the satirical incident this refers to, but CO12 knows Roseanne Barr as the fat lady who had her own show, which should have been called Darlene.
30. McDonald’s and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.
They have always known someone who's vegan.
31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
They have never cared. Is someone still bitter about the decision to call it "peach" instead of "flesh"?
32. There has always been Pearl Jam.
There has never been a need to find it by browsing through "record stores", since by the time the class of 2012 could hold a mouse, IUMA and its successors have offered free music online.
33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
And he has never been funny.
34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.
Oh, I wouldn't say that, exactly. It's just that nobody has dared to show it on TV.
35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.
Oops! This was supposed to be submitted to "Pluggers".
36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.
The class of 2012 may have brain damage resulting from chewing on short-circuited game systems and PCB-leaching cartridges. Their dead twins will have choked on the batteries already.
37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.
And nobody has ever heard of a similar project in Berlin.
38. Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.
Why would Russia name a city after the guy who sang "Imagine"?
39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.
Employed members of the class of 2012 have never had their own credit ratings yet.
40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.
Here's an example of what I still like about the Mindset List. No quibbles here; that's a solid example of how globalization has made the exotic familiar.
41. Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.
And here's an example of the other parts. Who on earth would think differently? It's not like Macaulay Culkin used to be known as a bodybuilder and is now a politician. Kevin McCallister is just an iconic role. This tells us nothing about changes in society.
42. Their parents may have watched The American Gladiators on TV the day they were born.
There's no "The" in the title. But if your new students from the class of 2012 have names like "Nitro" and "Zap", this explains why.
43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.
For the class of 2012, personal privacy has always been an illusion.
44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.
Except for a few antiques, and in the school's office, phones have never had cords.
45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.
But most members of the class of 2012 who have gone to the hospital have never been asked about a living will.
46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.
The guy from There's Something About Mary, right?
47. They never heard an attendant ask “Want me to check under the hood?”
They have no idea what you mean by "attendant" in this context.
48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.
Only the free-lunch kids drink fountain water.
49. Soft drink refills have always been free.
Except at the food court and the drive-through and the vending machine and Starbucks. But those are merely the places where the members of the class of 2012 get soft drinks most often. Teens on their own aren't welcome in most sit-down restaurants, and teens accompanied by adults rarely pay at those restaurants.
50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about “nothing.”
So is this list a tribute to Seinfeld?
51. Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
Windows operating systems have yet to make PCs user-friendly.
52. Muscovites have always been able to buy Big Macs.
But only we Americans (and perhaps some mafiya) have been able to afford the MacBook Air.
53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.
This was interesting in 1990 because it was surprising that it had been different. Most of the Beloit College Class of 2012 have never even heard of the Royal New Zealand Navy.
54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.
And has never been the butt of jokes.
55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.
Plenty of doctors still use disposable strips.
56. Michael Millken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.
That would be "Milken", and again, CO12 has never heard of this guy.
57. Off-shore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.
And has always been advocated, even following Katrina.
58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.
Since when are there only two sides?
59. There have always been charter schools.
OK, this is a good one.
60. Students always had Goosebumps.
Thanks to R.L. Stine. Not that your tenured professors would know that.