Little Johnny jokes
It occurs to me that there's an American folk hero who doesn't get recognized as such too often. "Little Johnny" is a boy who tells the shocking truth, but only because he takes seriously (or literally) what adults say to him.
Here's a comparatively tame Little Johnny joke:
Little Johnny was hauling his little red wagon up a big steep hill one day. As he pulled and pulled, he got more and more tired. Finally, as he was passing a church halfway up the hill, Little Johnny said, "God damn it, this wagon is heavy!"
The priest heard Little Johnny and came outside. "Little Johnny, you shouldn't be swearing. I can hear you from inside the church."
Little Johnny said, "So what?"
The priest said, "Oh, I'll get over it. But God can hear you too."
Little Johnny said, "Is God in the church too?"
The priest said, "God is everywhere, Little Johnny! He's in the church, and in the sidewalk, and in your little red wagon."
Little Johnny said, "God is in my little red wagon? Really?"
The priest said, "Oh yes, Little Johnny, God is in your little red wagon."
And Little Johnny said, "Then maybe he should get his ass out of my goddamn wagon and help me pull!"
Frequently, Little Johnny knows as much as the grownups do, especially about sex:
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"
[from http://www.thejokeyard.com/little_johnny_jokes/the_birds_and_the_bees.html]
What are your favorite Little Johnny stories/jokes?
Here's a comparatively tame Little Johnny joke:
Little Johnny was hauling his little red wagon up a big steep hill one day. As he pulled and pulled, he got more and more tired. Finally, as he was passing a church halfway up the hill, Little Johnny said, "God damn it, this wagon is heavy!"
The priest heard Little Johnny and came outside. "Little Johnny, you shouldn't be swearing. I can hear you from inside the church."
Little Johnny said, "So what?"
The priest said, "Oh, I'll get over it. But God can hear you too."
Little Johnny said, "Is God in the church too?"
The priest said, "God is everywhere, Little Johnny! He's in the church, and in the sidewalk, and in your little red wagon."
Little Johnny said, "God is in my little red wagon? Really?"
The priest said, "Oh yes, Little Johnny, God is in your little red wagon."
And Little Johnny said, "Then maybe he should get his ass out of my goddamn wagon and help me pull!"
Frequently, Little Johnny knows as much as the grownups do, especially about sex:
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"
[from http://www.thejokeyard.com/little_johnny_jokes/the_birds_and_the_bees.html]
What are your favorite Little Johnny stories/jokes?