Circus of Secrets 12/13
Tomorrow dawned clear and bright, but much of the landscape was still covered in foul, brown water and broken trees. Jared spent a couple of hours doing paperwork. It wasn’t that he was avoiding his family. He sighed. Maybe, he was. He pulled on old clothes, a jacket and galoshes, before going to look for a way into town. He didn’t get far when he heard his name called out.
Jake was trotting toward him, and a few feet behind him, there they were - his parents, older brother and younger sister. A smile spread across Jared’s face. No matter how angry or disappointed they might be, it was wonderful to see them again. He crossed the space between them in just a few strides and swept his mother up in his arms, swung her around until she yelled at him.
“Jared Tristan Padalecki, you put me down this instant,” she commanded, but he could hear the happiness in her voice. He laughed and set her on her feet with a smack of kiss to her cheek.
His sister, then, ran over and threw her arms around him, and he hugged her tight. “Hey, kiddo, how ya doin?”
“I’m not a kid,” she said with a huff as she stepped back.
He just grinned. “Right, sorry, miss.” She stuck her tongue out at him like the kid she was. Jared turned to his father and shook his hand, grasped his elbow with his other hand as he did. “Dad, it’s good to see you, sir.” He gave his brother a quick hug and a nod.
“Jake,” he said. “This is my family - my dad, Harold, my mom, Millie, my brother, Joseph, and sister, Margaret.”
“Peggy,” his sister corrected.
“Right, Peggy,” he said. She had decided a few weeks before he left that she should be called by the new diminutive. Peggy, he thought, how do you get that from Margaret anyway? “This is Jake. He’s a jack of all trades and keeps me from starving to death.”
“Speaking of which,” Jake said, “sorry to interrupt right now - but cook says he can do cold sandwiches for lunch, but all he’s got for dinner is soup beans and cornbread.”
Jared scrunched his face up. Ugh, soup beans again. “Okay, I guess we can live with that for today, but we’ve got to get some supplies. Check and see if there’s anywhere to get food. If there is, let me know, and I’ll send you and one of the guys to get supplies.”
“Okay.”
“Where’s Arneson?”
Jake looked away nervously. “I haven’t seen him this morning.”
Jared sighed. Arneson had been drunk or hung over by all accounts since they’d left New Orleans. “Okay, I’ll deal with that later,” he said. “Go check what cook needs and then the food suppliers.”
“Will do, boss,” Jake said. “Nice to meet you all,” he said to Jared’s family and then took off for the food tent.
Jared looked back at his family then as they stood there in the mud wearing coats over their Sunday clothes and galoshes on their feet. They looked so out of place, and he felt a strange protectiveness of them.
“Let’s get inside,” he said. “It’s still kind of cool.”
He led them to his carriage and apologized for the mess even though the daybed was made into a couch, and there weren’t any dirty plates or glasses sitting around. It was only because he was pretty much living in Jensen’s carriage that his was so neat. His desk - the one space he was still using regularly - looked like tornado had hit it.
“Sorry, there isn’t much room,” he said. “But it’s just me, and I don’t need much. Would you like something to drink? A soft drink or a beer?” he looked at his father as he asked.
“That would be nice,” his mother said as she settled on the couch with his sister. “If you have …” She stopped and her eyes got wide at the sound of the back door opening. He knew without looking that Jensen stood frozen in the doorway.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen said. “I didn’t realize you had company.”
Jared turned, meeting Jensen’s gaze. “It was a surprise visit,” he said. “This is my dad and mom, my brother, Joseph, and sister, Peggy.” His gaze swept back over his family. “This is Jensen, one of our performers.” He turned back, and Jensen still stood in the doorway holding the door open. “I was just about to ask if I could borrow something to drink.”
Jensen’s smile was stiff. “Of course,” he said. “Nice to meet you all.” He backed onto the platform where Jared followed him. “I’m sorry,” he said as they entered his carriage.
“It’s okay,” Jared said as they entered the carriage. “They surprised me. I was about to come over and warn you.” He caught Jensen’s shoulder and turned him around. He could see the tension around Jensen’s eyes and kissed him on the mouth. “I didn’t want that to be so uncomfortable for you.” Jared grinned. “At least you were dressed.”
Jensen smiled then and blushed. “Yes, that’s fortunate.”
Jared grabbed three beers and two ginger ales from Jensen’s stash and went back to his own car.
“Jared,” Peggy said as he handed her a ginger ale, “why was he in costume if you aren’t doing a show today?”
“Oh, well, he actually wasn’t in costume,” Jared said. He sat in his desk chair and took a swig of beer. Peggy’s eyes grew wide, and then Joseph burst out laughing.
“Jeez, Jared, you had me going there for a moment,” his brother said. His dad was grinning too, but his mother was watching him carefully.
“No,” Jared said. “It really isn’t a costume. He’s the star of our sideshow. He’s for real.”
Joseph stopped laughing. “You’re serious? You are. You’re serious.”
Jared nodded. “Yeah, he’s for real.”
“How’d he get like that?” Joseph asked.
Jared shrugged. “Can’t say.” There was no way he was going into the truth with his family. The last thing his mother needed to know - provided she even believed it - was what her brother had done to his son. She already looked a little pale, and his father looked like he was about to give Jared a lecture on telling tales out of school.
“Gosh,” Peggy said. “He’s amazing looking - like some kind of exotic bird.”
“Yeah,” Jared said. You don’t know the half of it.
Jake chose that moment to show up and let Jared know that he’d found a place to get supplies.
“That’s great, Jake,” Jared said. He got into the safe and counted out bills to buy food. He handed it to Jake. “Listen, maybe you could take Peggy and Joseph to the food tent and get them something to eat. Then, show them the animals?”
“Yeah, sure thing, boss, and I’ll be sure to bring back a receipt for the supplies,” the kid said. “You want me to send someone around with sandwiches for you all?”
“Yeah, thanks, that’d be great.”
Jared’s waited until his brother and sister left before speaking. “Sorry about the intrusions.”
“They seem pretty familiar. Do they always just walk in like that?” his father asked.
Jared shrugged. “We’re kind of like family,” he said.
“They’re employees, Jared,” his father said.
“Yeah,” Jared said, “well, a circus isn’t quite like a bank.” He meant it as a jest, but it came out a little like a challenge. He heard it, and he knew his father did too. He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I just … I got caught up in a lot of responsibility here that I wasn’t counting on. A lot of people depend on me.”
“So you explained in your letter,” Harold said. “Don’t misunderstand me, son. I’m proud of you for facing up to the responsibility. I understand your reasoning, but …”
“You’ve given up your whole life, honey,” his mother cut in. “Your job and Anne Marie, everything, and you seemed so sure of your future.”
“I know, Mama,” Jared said. “I know I did, but I hadn’t really seen a thing of the world. I didn’t know what it was like to have real responsibility, to have people depend on me. When I got here, these folks hadn’t been paid but once in six weeks. Not more than a couple bills had been paid. They needed me, and the more I looked at selling the circus, the more I realized that doing that would put most of them out of work. I just couldn’t do that.” He tore at the label on his beer bottle. “And to be honest, I like it. I like the work and the people.”
“But, honey, what about a family? I know you want that,” his mother said.
“If it’s meant to be, mama, I’ll meet someone.”
“Here? What kind of girl could you meet here? Oh Jared,” she said, and he honestly thought she was going to cry.
“Mama, not all the girls are like you think,” he said. “I wish you could have met K.C. She was a good girl and pretty and smart as a whip.”
“And where is she?” Millie asked.
“She decided to take some time out with her sister in Cincinnati,” he said. “She’ll probably join back up next year when we go through.”
She made humphing noise.
Jared debated his next words, but curiosity got the better of him. “Mama, did you know Uncle Cyrus was married?”
She glanced at his father. “Yes, of course, I did,” she said. “Why?”
He shook his head. “No real reason. I just found out when I came. His wife, Agnes, was still here.”
“And now she isn’t?” his father asked with a glance back at his wife.
“No, she … no, she passed away a few days ago,” Jared said, and if he didn’t know better he’d have sworn his mother breathed a sigh of relief. “Did you know her?”
“We met her just once when the circus came through, right after they got married,” his father answered.
“So you know they had a son?” Jared said.
His mother visibly blanched. “Yes,” Harold answered. “He died when he was a teenager.”
“Yeah, that’s what she said,” Jared replied. “He was always sickly.”
“Not surprising really,” his mother said. There was a bitterness that he’d never heard in her voice before.
“Why do you say that?” Jared asked.
She stuck her chin out, but paused as though choosing her words carefully. “A child’s wellbeing is greatly dependent on its mother - on her physical and moral health.”
Before Jared could ask how that related to Agnes, there was a knock at the door and a roustabout brought in a basket with sandwiches and apples in it as well as bottles of Orange Crush.
“You know, I was trying to find a way to get to the house and visit you all when you showed up,” Jared said as they ate lunch.
“Well, I suppose we’re lucky we didn’t miss each other,” his father said.
“Yeah, definitely.”
“So how long will you be in town?” he asked.
“Mm, we’ll move out as soon as we get the go ahead that the tracks are clear of storm debris,” Jared said. “We’ve lost a lot of money by not doing shows the past two days. We need to move on to somewhere we can set up.”
His father nodded. “I’m sorry you can’t come home for a couple of days.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jared said. “I’d have loved some of mom’s fried chicken.”
She smiled for the first time since Jared had brought up his uncle. “I had a lot of your favorites planned.”
“I’m sure you did, Mama,” he said with a smile. “I can’t tell you how much I miss you all, but I’d be dishonest to say that I regret coming here. And … I really don’t miss Anne Marie at all.” He saw his father nod. “Marrying her would have been a mistake. I know that now.”
“I thought the two of you weren’t right for each other,” Harold said. “But you can’t tell young people who they’re in love with. I was hoping you’d figure it out for yourself.”
Jared’s mother looked back and forth between the two. “Well, I never,” she said.
The two men looked at one another and tried to hide their smiles, which quickly disappeared when shouting came from outside followed by banging and more shouting. Jared was headed for his backdoor before any of the noise really registered. All that was important was the direction it came from. He threw the door open to find bodies packed onto the platform between his and Jensen’s carriage. He didn’t bother with politeness. Jared just shouted for them to move and started shoving.
“Jared, thank God,” Jake said and moved aside to let Jared through. “It’s Emile and Arneson …”
Jared didn’t wait to hear the rest. He pushed his way into the carriage and shoved the door shut behind him. Vlad was holding Jensen with his arms trapped behind his back. There was blood on Jensen’s mouth, and Emile held a knife at his throat.
“Get lost,” Arneson said. “This isn’t your concern.”
“You know that’s not true,” Jared said. “I was there.”
“Yeah, you should have stayed out of it,” Arneson said. “But I’m giving you a chance here, boss.”
“Is that what this is about?” Jared asked. “Agnes? Maybe for you, Arneson, but not for Emile.” Jared took a step closer, and the point of the knife inched closer to Jensen’s throat. “Don’t be a fool, Emile.”
The man’s weak little chin trembled, and his ratty eyes shone wet as he glanced at Jared. “Stay there,” he said.
“Emile,” Jared said quietly. “You know that if you harm him, you won’t leave the carriage alive.”
Emile’s eyes shot up to Vlad and then Arneson.
Jared’s heart was in his throat, but he fought to keep his voice steady. “Really, you don’t think they’d risk their lives for you, do you? They aren’t your friends. They’re here for their own reasons.”
“Shut up,” Vlad said and twisted Jensen’s arms so he jerked and a drop of blood welled around the point of the knife. Jensen hissed in a breath.
“Stop,” Jared said. “Let me rephrase that. If you harm him, none of you will leave alive.” Without another thought, Jared grabbed Arneson and slammed his fist into the man’s face. Blood gushed from the manager’s nose. Jared knew he was taking a chance, but he was pretty certain that the three of them were out for their own ends and had no commitment to helping one another.
Emile yelped and backed away. He still had the knife in his hand, but it was more than a yard from Jensen.
“Now,” Jared said to Arneson. “You know damn well what Agnes did to him, and you know she accepted what had to be done to save him.”
Vlad laughed then. “Ah, boss man, you don’t get it. He loved her. Didn’t you, Robert? Hey? Him and hundred other men.” The Russian grinned over Jensen’s shoulder. “Even me. Yes, sure, we all had her.”
Arneson’s head came up from where he’d been clutching his broken nose in his hands, and he launched himself at the Russian who hold on to Jensen and defend himself. That’s when things went from bad to worse, because with less effort than should have been possible, Jensen grabbed Arneson by the throat with one hand and Vlad with the other. Jared could see talons digging into flesh.
“Jen, no,” he shouted.
Jensen looked at him, and his lip twitched. “Why not?”
“We don’t need any more trouble,” he said.
Jensen grimaced and shook Arneson like a rag doll before tossing him across the chair, which went over with a crash. The manager rolled across the floor and struggled to his feet. He staggered as he went through the door. Jensen, however, didn’t let go of Vlad. Jared could see trickles of blood running down the strong man’s neck from where talons were sinking into his flesh. Letting go of Arneson meant Jensen could grab Vlad’s right arm as well.
“You,” Jensen said. “Why?”
“Aw, baby, I was just helping friends,” Vlad choked out.
“You’re a bully,” Jensen said. Blood was soaking the collar of the Russian’s shirt.
“Jen, please,” Jared soothed. Jensen looked at him, and Jared’s gut clenched because his lover’s eyes were filled with all the pain and sadness of years of cruelty he’d endured. “They’re all leaving. When the train moves, they won’t be on it.”
Jensen released his grip on the strong man’s neck and pushed him away with a slight shove. Vlad headed for the door without another word, but before Jared could breathe a sigh of relief, Jensen had skewered Emile with his gaze, and the weak-chinned little rat fell over his own feet trying to get away. He was scrambling backward on his ass toward the door, and Jensen was stalking him like a cat with a mouse.
“You, you little piece of shit,” Jensen growled. “I was nice to you. I was your friend, and I took the blame and your abuse and your cruelty, and you come here to harm me after I gave you money.” Jensen’s words came out like the spit of water on hot coals. Emile whimpered and backed into someone’s legs as they stood in the doorway. “How I’d like to stick my claws in you, make you hurt in every way you hurt me.”
“I never, I never,” Emile protested. “I worshipped you.”
“Liar,” Jensen said with such a lack of emotion, it sent shivers up Jared’s spine. He stepped forward as he had in the sideshow tent that first day, and just like that day, Jensen’s focus went to him.
“Don’t, Jen, please.”
From the corner of his eye, he saw someone grab Emile by the jacket collar, pull him to his feet, and shove him out the door. Jensen’s gaze broke then, and he looked over at Jared’s father who had handled Emile. Harold showed no indication of what he thought of the proceedings, and when Jared turned back to Jensen, he was retreating into the bedroom.
Jared ran a hand over his face and huffed out a relieved sigh. “Jake!” he called, and the young man stuck his head in the door. “Get Riley and Ben and make sure Arneson, Vlad and Emile aren’t on the train when we leave. Toss their stuff off to them, but I don’t want them on at all. Got it?”
“Yes, I’ll make sure, boss,” the kid said and disappeared.
Jared went to the bar and poured two glasses of Jensen’s best bourbon. He handed one to his father and sat in Jensen’s usual spot on the couch. He motioned for his father to take the chair.
“Usually that exciting around here? I mean, I can see how you could grow used to that.” his dad said with a smirk.
Jared let out a shaky laugh. “Nah, that’s … That has been building for a long time, I think - long before I got here.”
Harold nodded. “Agnes was by all accounts a lightning rod for trouble, but your uncle loved her.”
“Yeah, he was apparently not the only one,” Jared said and took a drink. His father’s eyes were on the door that Jensen had gone through.
“Their son’s name was Jensen,” he said.
Jared nodded. “Yeah, it is or was, I don’t know. Please don’t ask me to explain, because I really can’t.”
“He’s dangerous,” Harold said.
“No, not to me, he isn’t,” Jared said.
“You’re sure about that?”
“Yes, I am.”
His father nodded and threw back the rest of his drink. “Well, you have a lot of responsibility here.” He held Jared’s gaze a moment too long, and then stood. “I should let you get back to it. Seems you have a lot to do before you can get moving.”
“Yeah,” Jared said. He stood and shook his father’s hand. “Thank you, sir.”
Jared went out with his father to exchange hugs and good-byes. His family had been gone only a little while when the food tent was suddenly broken down, packed away, and the all aboard was shouted. The train’s engineer blew the whistle and the locomotive began to roll west.
Jared moved with the rock and sway of the moving train as he crossed the platform to Jensen’s carriage. Jensen was curled up on the fainting couch. He didn’t move or speak. He just watched Jared with wary eyes.
“I could use a drink. How about you?” Jared asked. He wasn’t sure how he felt except he wanted the tension to break between them. He made an aborted gesture toward Jensen - a hand half raised and then dropped back to his side - and it must have been enough because Jensen rose and wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist in one smooth motion. He kissed Jared below the ear and then leaned back, examining his face.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah.” Jared’s hands came up to stroke the down at the base of Jensen’s skull, right into that little hollow, that made Jensen’s eyelids flutter and his body go all pliant. Jared licked into his mouth and sucked on his bottom lip. “I’m fine,” he said as he broke the kiss.
“Okay,” Jensen said. He turned them and pushed Jared onto the couch. “I’ll get us that drink.” Jared leaned against the back of the couch with one leg on each side of the long seat.
“You’re so good to me, Jen,” he said as Jensen walked to the bar.
Jensen flashed a smile over his shoulder. “I think you have that backward,” he said. He sat down in the V of Jared’s legs when he brought the drinks back. “I wasn’t on my best behavior today.”
“You were defending yourself,” Jared said, but he wondered how much he was just making excuses for Jensen. He took a sip of bourbon. “But let me ask you something. Why did you let them get you in that position?”
Jensen blushed pink under this freckles. “You had your family right there in the next car. I thought I could handle things without causing a fuss if I just … I didn’t realize at first that they intended to hurt me. I thought they just wanted more money.”
“I still don’t understand,” Jared said. He set his glass down on the side table.
“Drunk, angry men do irrational things, Jared.” Jensen drained his glass and set it aside. He pushed his hands up under Jared’s shirt. His palms slid smoothly over Jared’s skin, and claws trailed skittery little sparks. He moved closer, hitching his legs up over Jared’s thighs and laying his head on Jared’s shoulder.
“Arneson, I get. He loved Agnes, and you … and Emile, he’s hurt you before, but Vlad, I don’t get it.” Jared felt a flash of anger then. He pushed Jensen away to arm’s length and searched the beautiful face for answers. “What haven’t you told me?”
Jensen made a half-hearted attempt to get up, but Jared held on. “No, Jen, you tell me. I’m tired of being kept in the dark. It’s bad enough when the others do it, but I need you to be honest with me.” Jensen didn’t meet his eye. “Vlad too?”
Emerald and indigo feathers fell over Jensen’s eyes as he nodded.”Yes,” he whispered. He looked up at Jared then. “I was young, Jared, and he was nice to me. He called me Pretty Bird, and then … it just stopped. I thought because the novelty had worn off for him. I was the one who was hurt, and I don’t understand why he joined Arneson and Emile today. I don’t … I …” A tear swelled at the edge of his left eye and then slipped down his cheek. Jared wiped it away with his thumb and pulled Jensen back against his chest.
“Drunk men do irrational things, Jen.”
“No, I know, but …” Jensen rubbed his face against Jared’s neck leaving a wet smear of tears on his skin.
“Jen, I know you’re kind of protected here, but you have to know that what we do, what you’ve done with Vlad and Emile, the world sees it as wrong, as sinful and perverted,” Jared said. He tipped Jensen’s face up so he could look into those liquid green eyes. “What we do in bed, Jen, it’s a crime. Maybe Vlad cared about you once, but he couldn’t handle all that.” Jared saw fear creeping into Jensen’s face and tension flowing into his body. “He didn’t love you as I do.”
Jensen’s lips parted, and he took a shaky breath. “You do?”
“Of course I do, darling’.” Jared leaned in and pressed his mouth to Jensen’s. The kiss was gentle but firm, lips barely moving at first. The tip of Jared’s tongue slipped between Jensen’s lips and licked across his teeth to the roof of his mouth. Heat rushed through Jared’s body as Jensen relaxed in his arms. He cupped the back of Jensen’s head and angled their mouths together, and Jensen’s fingers laced behind Jared’s neck as he pushed back and sucked on Jared’s tongue pulling a moan from the bigger man.
Jensen broke the kiss with a slight smile. “We could take this into the other room.”
“Yeah,” Jared said. “We could. We will, but, Jen, I need to know if there’s anything else you haven’t told me.”
Jensen looked away for a moment as though in thought, but his expression remained blank. “No,” he said when he met Jared’s eyes again. “Nothing of any consequence that I can think of.”
Jared nodded. “Anyone else currently with the show that you’ve …”
“No, no one,” Jensen said. “No more surprises.”
“Okay, good, I just don’t want to get blindsided again,” Jared said.
“I know. I’m sorry,” Jensen said.
“I know you are.” Jared kissed his forehead. “Now about taking this in the other room …”
“Yeah.” Jensen grinned and got to his feet. A taloned hand wrapped around Jared’s wrist and pulled him toward the door. “There’s nothing like fucking on a moving train.”
Jared laughed. “I kind of have to agree.”
Jensen threw him a look of that hungry gaze over his shoulder and pinpricks of pain cut into Jared’s wrist.
Chapter 13
Talk to me.