it’s bitch rant time >:3 (Eden's bowy)
Oh my gosh you guys! Did you read that title? It's that time again!
BITCH RANT!!!!!!
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
(this is why I love my LJ - I can bitch and swear without anyone finding out about it ^____^)
So, just recently finished the anime called Eden’s Bowy. Never heard of it?
GOOD
I, being a fool, got the anime because it was on sale. Yes folks. I paid money for this. Had I known what I was getting into, I probably wouldn’t have spent my money on this :<
Basically this is what Eden’s Bowy is about. There is earth. And there are these two random pieces of land floating in the sky. They have fancy names but hell if I can spell them. I’m just going to name them based on who the ruler of each floating land mass is. One is ruled by a giant fish (don’t ask), thus shall be dubbed Seafood. The other is ruled by a cat girl (again, don’t ask), thus shall be dubbed Pussy. For some reason the two lands used to be one but broke apart and hate each other (can’t remember the reason. Don’t think there was even given >_>).
Now, there is a legend (this is a fantasy anime so expect lots of fantasy shit). The legend speaks of a man who destroys gods…the GOD HUNTER (OMG so original!).
And finally we have a young lad named Yorn. What does he have to do with all this? HE IS THE GOD HUNTER!!!! But he doesn’t know this.
Somehow, both Pussy and Seafood know he’s the GOD HUNTER (really, it’s just like, oh hey guys look? You remember that legend about the guy who rips the nipples off gods? Turns out he’s this little kid here. How do I know? This is anime world. Things JUST work out like that. Gawd, why do you always have to question the logic :/). Seafood all of a sudden decides, hey let’s kill him :D *happy dance*
So they send some cute dude (don’t get attached - he’s into his sister =_____=) and his robot sister (who’s also into him =__________________________________=) to kill Yorn. Yorn don’t know shit about him being the GOD HUNTER. He just lives a normal life, squeezing cow nipples for milk and doing other standard Harvest Moon stuff. So that’s why he gets his ass whooped when sister robot comes. Dad uses himself as a meatshield to protect Yorn and dies. Yorn is all NOOOOOOOOOO & gets his ass kicked some more.
Some random chick appears and grabs Yorn’s sword (his actual sword, not his penis) and sticks it through her hand (don’t ask). It becomes super powered (don’t ask). Somehow Yorn wakes up and goes all batshit crazy with the sword. Shit blows up. Dude and his sister run off. Random chick does too. Some old guy appears (yeah, people are just flipping popping out of the woodwork here and this is STILL EPISODE 1) and he’s like, you’re the GOD HUNTER *dramatic pose* and that guy wasn’t really your father.
Yorn: explains why I had to sleep in the same bed with him…
Yorn goes with the old guy because his mom wants to meet him (old guy busted her out of Seafood - don’t ask). So they go. Along the way that random chick joins them. She has the RANDOM ability to turn into an older version of herself and fight evil in a miniskirt & heels (don’t ask). But she keeps this hidden from the rest of the group. No idea why. Oh, and she’s a god. OBVIOUS FROM THE FUCKING EARS EXTENDING 2 FEET FROM HER HEAD WHICH NO ONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD HAS EXCEPT FOR THE RANDOM CATGIRL WHO I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW EXISTS BUT WHATEVER but no one knows this. Because they’re idiots.
They also meet another god hunter who at first was like, get the fuck away from me, but somehow gets the retarded notion that THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GOD HUNTER! THUS I MUST KILL YOU YORN (he gets mind raped into thinking this). So he stalks them (we find out he wants to kill Yorn because he killed his god gf before he could screw her or something and he wants to justify murdering her and others and rolling in their blood. Yeah…retarded)
Ah, and Pussy joins in on trying to capture Yorn because they want to use his body as a human missile and blow up Seafood
=_________________________________________________=;
Now this next part is easy: about 13 episodes are spent find the mom. Shit happens and the other 13 episodes are spent in another effort to find mom.
Here’s the part that pisses me off:
So everyone finds out that OMFG, random chick is a god!? Who knew!?
For some dumb reason, everyone is all angsty and depressed over this. I have no idea why! Seriously! NO idea. Why the hell do you care Yorn? You don’t even know HOW TO USE YOUR POWER! And legend says the GOD HUNTER slaughtered the gods when they were doing shit to the earth. Random chick ain’t doing shit so why do you care? W.H.Y.!?
Anyway, after getting over those meaningless episodes of angst, everyone is all, oh well. That’s cool :D Nothing wrong with that
Me: >:U *!&(*$&(%^(^%#(
Well, as they are trying to find mom again, Pussy and Seafood both attack Yorn (because they finally got the bright idea that, hey! Sending like 2 guys to capture him ISN’T WORKING. Let’s send the whole fucking army then). Yorn, old guy, and random chick are running away. Old guy is trying to fight and protect them. Old guy asks random chick to turn into her miniskirt form and help him. She says she doesn’t want to.
SHE FUCKING SAYS SHE DOESN’T WANT TO
…
OMG
The ONE time your stupid mini skirt ass is needed, you say YOU DON’T WANT TOO!? You were flipping transforming all over the place before!!!!
So naturally Yorn gets captured.
Because all of a sudden, random chick went from GIRL POWER to USELESS SAC OF ORGANS.
(she gets worse BTW)
Pussy has Yorn, and Seafood decides to salvage some pride and grab random chick and old guy.
Yorn became my favorite character here when he was like, what the fuck is wrong with you people? You are basically the exact same thing as your enemy - and it doesn’t make sense at all for all this bloodshed to happen. You all have mental problems.
Thank you Yorn
Thank you
Flip over to Seafood, you find out random chick is the kid of the fish ruler. Emmm, don’t ask. Fish dude is all, OMG SWEETIE! DADDY HAS MISSED YOU SO MUCH! I’M GOING TO BLAST THAT GOD HUNTER’S HEAD OFF SO YOU BE A GOOD GIRL AND STAY PRISONER IN THIS CREEPY NURSERY THING FILLED WITH EYE-LESS DOLLS FOR YOU TO PLAY WITH ~
So she spends like 4 episodes just sitting there, sad that she couldn’t protect Yorn
THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TRANSFORM AND SAVE HIS ASS!?
Back to Yorn. He gets his ass saved by the other god hunter, Spike. Spike is all, I can’t let them lob you at Seafood because I have to kill you first. Nice reasoning there Spike. You REALLY need to get laid. So Spike and Yorn fight because hey, what else do you do when you have time to kill? Both end in a stalemate - their swords break. Yorn does a shojo heroine and manages to shock emotion into Spike’s cold heart. Blah blah Yorn goes to Seafood (because Pussy collided into Seafood. Again don’t ask).
Random chick finally decides, hey I’m gonna see Yorn *transform*
WTF YOU BITCH! NOW YOU TRANSFORM!?
She EASILY breaks out of her prison and almost makes it but some floating priests stop her (yeah, priests float in this world. Pope John prob does that too when no cameras are on him). Because daddy sent them to prevent her from interfering with his plans
[Oh shit, the old guy. He gets saved by sis-con and he goes to save the mom.]
Yorn and daddy fight. Random chick appears and is all OMG DON’T HURT MY DADDY!
Yorn is looking at her like, bitch this foo killed the guy who I thought was my dad, made people’s lives miserable because he’s a power hunger fuck, locked my damn mom up in a tower for most of my childhood, he effin annihilated a city trying to kill me, he mind fucked Spike into thinking he has to kill me, he’s currently shitting red farts which are lethal and leaking all over the earth below- killing thousands, he turned your sister into a flippin panther and kicked her furry ass out of wherever you all live, and you STILL have the balls to tell me not to kill him?
Random chick: HE’S STILL MY FATHER!!!!!
Yorn: WERE YOU NOT LISTENING TO A THING I SAID!? >:U Why the hell am I even talking to you!? You let me get captured!
Random chick throws herself in the way of Yorn’s attack. Rather than kill her, his sword hit her hand which made it bigger (his actual sword, not his penis). So now he has a super powered sword.
Dad: SHIT!
However, for some stupid reason, Yorn remembers the rest of the legend (because apparently people were only telling half of it). It said the GOD HUNTER did not rip the nipples off god but rather both he and the god laid their weapons down and talked. So Yorn puts his weapon down and says he won’t kill the dad.
Dad: SWEET! I’LL KILL YOU INSTEAD ;D
Spike pops out of no where, takes the sword and chops dad up
Dad: WHAT A JIP! *dies*
Spike is all, well, my job is done here *walks away into the sunset with Yorn’s super sword*
Random chick cries for like 5 seconds before smiling and apparently moving on >_>; wtf ever girl.
Anyway, random chick notices the red fog her dad shitted out and is like, well, it was fun Yorn but I gotta explode so I can take this fog with me
Yorn: okay…wait what?
Random chick: EXPLODES
And the series ends with Yorn staring at where random chick was, probably thinking wtf just happened while you see coming up behind him is mom, who was rescued by random old dude.
That’s it
The ending credits do a little time skip to let you know what happened to each character
(oh, forgot to mention this but brother and robot sister melted into sparkles. Apparently if you stick your hand into an electric current and do this for 15 minutes, you melt into glitter. Don’t ask)
Random: I’m creeped out the random old guy got together with this crazy chick who is like half his age o____o; I didn’t see shit chemical romance between the AT ALL!
So yeah…
No explanation about why there were 2 GOD HUNTERS?
Who the hell is Yorn’s dad?
Why the heck were Pussy and Seafood hatin?
Why was mom locked up?
ETC
I want my money back :(