That Time of Year
It's coming up, you know. (two posts in one day, what are you gonna do with me?)
It's that time of year again. That time when sad anniversaries come. The passing of the really important people happened in these two months. Well, plus june now.
Jesus. When you think about it?
Grandma was a june passing. 2006. She wouldn't have understood that I love this woman with all my heart. Not with all her teasing about my friends who were boys when I was younger. I am so much happier now than I was then. I wish she coulda seen it. She never knew. I'm sure it's getting out to the rest of the family. A few of my cousins know. Donde, uncle Mikey's daughter. Molly, who was raised by my grandmother like she was an auntie or uncle but she's a cousin. I suspect the rest will fall in line. Now that I know my mom knows for sure, I can't wait til the next family reunion. Heh. The girls can come along this time.
Then there's Kenny. Ugh. Kenny. That boy. Ornery as hell. March 14th wasn't it? 2001 i know for sure. That or the 16th though I want to say that's the night I met up with joy and them and the first time I saw Dawn since her and Mo fell out. She's been in my life since in some capacity or another until we got together. Oh man. Kenny of the many women. Kenny of my list of ex's. He's one of the only people I dated more than once, thinking that a different result would happen. That boy drove me crazy. His mama called. We still talk. I wonder what he would think. Me living in the town I thought I would never move to. Me coming to live only blocks from his mama by sheer coincidence. Next time I'm on hometime, gotta stop by and leave him flowers. Ha. Yeah right. more like a shot and a pack of cloves. Sorry kenny. I ain't touching your favorite vice for you man. I wouldn't even know where to get any. but he is missed. That sort of arrogance that was cute and almost charming. He was crazy. He kept me sane. and I needed him in some ways. Just another stone in the rocky path on my way to where I am now.
Sadly, though, the most painful death comes in early April. I miss her. It hasn't gotten any less hard when I think of her. It freaked me out the first time we found out a spam bot got a hold of her email address and password. I damn near fainted to get email from Amanda after I had seen her laid to rest. It hurts still. I think it will hurt always. Out of everyone I've lost, she is the hardest. She is the newest.
Grandma, well, second bout with cancer and it was just her time. Her body couldn't fight it the second time. She wouldn't have survived a surgery. She wasn't all here anymore. To fight that would have been selfish, but I know an auntie or three who were thinking it. Kenny was unexpected. Amanda? We all thought it was a bad joke. The more plans became concrete, the harder it got.
I drove by her hometown. Twice now. Hear a country song. Think I wish I could talk to her. Wish she could see me now. Look at Katt and am ready to kill her and wish....Amanda was around to talk to her and keep me calm.
I miss sunday bbq's. I miss sitting outside her pool at the apartment in the valley and smokin. I miss talking to her in AIM. I miss the funny text or the phone calls. The pendant around my neck don't make it easier.
I keep meaning to grab her parents address when i'm home. I keep meaning to write them. I keep meaning to send them the video I made on a DVD. The one I sang to. The ones that katt made. I need to quit holding off on it and just do it.
I keep thinking back to that last time in phoenix. To the week(s) before she died. The song that was most in my mind was "Words I couldn't Say" by Rascal Flatts. They have another one now stuck in my mind. "Why". Then there's the one I sang for her. "Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney. I think of her and kenny both. Too damn young to have to go.
Makes me think about other people I've lost. Stupidity on my part or theirs. Mistakes. Especially the ones I made. I am in Detroit. So I looked up James' number. Ha, his wife answered. I'm still Ellie from California. That's funny. I'm supposed to call tomorrow. See about lunch. Doubt it will work out. I am in the truck, afterall. Doubt anything will come of it. I gotta leave by 4 to give me two extra hours to get there ontime. Running low on hours. I'm under twenty right now. Can only run a few hours a day. Need a reset or just simple trips to get me back west. Walt best get me home! I don't want to miss Gilbert's crazy ass.
Anyhow. Nuff tears. It's just that time of year. And though it's been almost three years since we lost her, it aint any easier. She left a big gaping hole in my heart.
Amanda Elizabeth Combs: You are missed still by your family, not of blood, but by the bond of friendship. That is never going to change.
It's that time of year again. That time when sad anniversaries come. The passing of the really important people happened in these two months. Well, plus june now.
Jesus. When you think about it?
Grandma was a june passing. 2006. She wouldn't have understood that I love this woman with all my heart. Not with all her teasing about my friends who were boys when I was younger. I am so much happier now than I was then. I wish she coulda seen it. She never knew. I'm sure it's getting out to the rest of the family. A few of my cousins know. Donde, uncle Mikey's daughter. Molly, who was raised by my grandmother like she was an auntie or uncle but she's a cousin. I suspect the rest will fall in line. Now that I know my mom knows for sure, I can't wait til the next family reunion. Heh. The girls can come along this time.
Then there's Kenny. Ugh. Kenny. That boy. Ornery as hell. March 14th wasn't it? 2001 i know for sure. That or the 16th though I want to say that's the night I met up with joy and them and the first time I saw Dawn since her and Mo fell out. She's been in my life since in some capacity or another until we got together. Oh man. Kenny of the many women. Kenny of my list of ex's. He's one of the only people I dated more than once, thinking that a different result would happen. That boy drove me crazy. His mama called. We still talk. I wonder what he would think. Me living in the town I thought I would never move to. Me coming to live only blocks from his mama by sheer coincidence. Next time I'm on hometime, gotta stop by and leave him flowers. Ha. Yeah right. more like a shot and a pack of cloves. Sorry kenny. I ain't touching your favorite vice for you man. I wouldn't even know where to get any. but he is missed. That sort of arrogance that was cute and almost charming. He was crazy. He kept me sane. and I needed him in some ways. Just another stone in the rocky path on my way to where I am now.
Sadly, though, the most painful death comes in early April. I miss her. It hasn't gotten any less hard when I think of her. It freaked me out the first time we found out a spam bot got a hold of her email address and password. I damn near fainted to get email from Amanda after I had seen her laid to rest. It hurts still. I think it will hurt always. Out of everyone I've lost, she is the hardest. She is the newest.
Grandma, well, second bout with cancer and it was just her time. Her body couldn't fight it the second time. She wouldn't have survived a surgery. She wasn't all here anymore. To fight that would have been selfish, but I know an auntie or three who were thinking it. Kenny was unexpected. Amanda? We all thought it was a bad joke. The more plans became concrete, the harder it got.
I drove by her hometown. Twice now. Hear a country song. Think I wish I could talk to her. Wish she could see me now. Look at Katt and am ready to kill her and wish....Amanda was around to talk to her and keep me calm.
I miss sunday bbq's. I miss sitting outside her pool at the apartment in the valley and smokin. I miss talking to her in AIM. I miss the funny text or the phone calls. The pendant around my neck don't make it easier.
I keep meaning to grab her parents address when i'm home. I keep meaning to write them. I keep meaning to send them the video I made on a DVD. The one I sang to. The ones that katt made. I need to quit holding off on it and just do it.
I keep thinking back to that last time in phoenix. To the week(s) before she died. The song that was most in my mind was "Words I couldn't Say" by Rascal Flatts. They have another one now stuck in my mind. "Why". Then there's the one I sang for her. "Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney. I think of her and kenny both. Too damn young to have to go.
Makes me think about other people I've lost. Stupidity on my part or theirs. Mistakes. Especially the ones I made. I am in Detroit. So I looked up James' number. Ha, his wife answered. I'm still Ellie from California. That's funny. I'm supposed to call tomorrow. See about lunch. Doubt it will work out. I am in the truck, afterall. Doubt anything will come of it. I gotta leave by 4 to give me two extra hours to get there ontime. Running low on hours. I'm under twenty right now. Can only run a few hours a day. Need a reset or just simple trips to get me back west. Walt best get me home! I don't want to miss Gilbert's crazy ass.
Anyhow. Nuff tears. It's just that time of year. And though it's been almost three years since we lost her, it aint any easier. She left a big gaping hole in my heart.
Amanda Elizabeth Combs: You are missed still by your family, not of blood, but by the bond of friendship. That is never going to change.