(no subject)
Just know that your complete hypocritical, oh-so-self-righteous talk has made me realize what kind of person you are. I see that, after all that has happened, you chose to close your eyes in my face...you chose to push me away...you chose to see the other side. If I told you that you had told me something (which I tried SO hard to instill trust in), but later discovered you completely felt otherwise, you would never in the life of you admit it...you probably wouldn't even know-- always a losing battle for me, isn't it? I am aware enough of what's happened to make that statement. Just remember where you started. Just remember who was there for you 100% of the way, who, even through rough times, stood up for you, and understood you more than anyone else. Just remember who you still ran to, after not speaking for days on, and who, no matter what, helped you at that moment. Just remember that, when we conversed, you realized how incredibly misjudged your perceptions of my actions were (and they probably still are that way); how stupid you should have felt. Just remember that I won't be there anymore. I see what path you have chosen.
It's sad to say we would ever come to this point. As I write this, I can't help but shed some tears...many tears, in fact...who would have thought it would come to this? I certainly didn't. I miss the person you were--we both changed. I don't believe I have changed for the worse. I have changed for the better in my eyes, and you might think otherwise, but I don't care, I'm sick of being judged. I shouldn't hate the person I have become because apparently I am not as *virtuous* as you are. Yes, you changed for the better as well, I know, and you probably don't think I accept you, but I do, even with all the toil in between. But I must say, I still stand by the fact that what I did didn't just come out of left field....there is a person right next to you who epitomizes the very thing you once spat in my face. I knew, deep down, you were never so impartial. Had you really been so unslanted, you would have still chosen to hear my side, realizing that your judgements of me were nothing but twisted. And yes, at times, I chose to avoid you for a while, but, no matter what, whenever we were together, I put on a smile...I tried to have fun and indulge in the moment. The thirst to justify my actions, to prove who I am.....what does it matter now? Just because people are more direct/blatant with their feelings than others, does not mean that they are bad people. They could be just as upset, but they just choose to present their feelings in a different way...something you have clearly dismissed from me. Not crying about it does not make me less humane. You cannot cry away everything hoping everyone will feel sorry for you; it seems like a ploy to make you appear as a more "innocent" or rather, more "upset"' person. But once again, does it matter? Your blurred, narrow sense of judgment has sunk you so deep that obviously there is no way for you to see me as otherwise.
I am NOT who you think I am. I tend to regret a lot of things, but, at this point, I am content with where I have gone this year. I am, truly. It's been a long, long way, but I did it. I'm sick of being misjudged and criticized upon from people such as yourself. I'm sick of watching you choose to stay confined in your frigid little bubble. I'm sick of the fakeness. I'm sick of being an asshole for being truthful. I'm sick of your goddamn euphemisms. I'm sick of watching you follow along on your leash. Laugh at me all you want, but, it's ok, because I laugh at your holier-than-thou atttiude. Judge me, because I judge your insecurities. Pity me, because I pity your ignorance.
I know it will never ever be the same, so I suppose I must bid you goodbye. Well then just remember....I choose not to be there anymore for you. Come run to me, and I will turn the same blind eye you turned to me. I tried to forget things and suck up a little--- how disgusting it made me feel seeing your face shrivel up as I attempted to loosen things up. I can't afford to put on a facade for you...I would feel even more revolted at myself to go so far. What does it matter? I see you don't care; I see I am no one to you. I thought you knew who I was, but I guess I was utterly wrong. I guess I was wrong about you. Have a splendid life. Adieu.
It's sad to say we would ever come to this point. As I write this, I can't help but shed some tears...many tears, in fact...who would have thought it would come to this? I certainly didn't. I miss the person you were--we both changed. I don't believe I have changed for the worse. I have changed for the better in my eyes, and you might think otherwise, but I don't care, I'm sick of being judged. I shouldn't hate the person I have become because apparently I am not as *virtuous* as you are. Yes, you changed for the better as well, I know, and you probably don't think I accept you, but I do, even with all the toil in between. But I must say, I still stand by the fact that what I did didn't just come out of left field....there is a person right next to you who epitomizes the very thing you once spat in my face. I knew, deep down, you were never so impartial. Had you really been so unslanted, you would have still chosen to hear my side, realizing that your judgements of me were nothing but twisted. And yes, at times, I chose to avoid you for a while, but, no matter what, whenever we were together, I put on a smile...I tried to have fun and indulge in the moment. The thirst to justify my actions, to prove who I am.....what does it matter now? Just because people are more direct/blatant with their feelings than others, does not mean that they are bad people. They could be just as upset, but they just choose to present their feelings in a different way...something you have clearly dismissed from me. Not crying about it does not make me less humane. You cannot cry away everything hoping everyone will feel sorry for you; it seems like a ploy to make you appear as a more "innocent" or rather, more "upset"' person. But once again, does it matter? Your blurred, narrow sense of judgment has sunk you so deep that obviously there is no way for you to see me as otherwise.
I am NOT who you think I am. I tend to regret a lot of things, but, at this point, I am content with where I have gone this year. I am, truly. It's been a long, long way, but I did it. I'm sick of being misjudged and criticized upon from people such as yourself. I'm sick of watching you choose to stay confined in your frigid little bubble. I'm sick of the fakeness. I'm sick of being an asshole for being truthful. I'm sick of your goddamn euphemisms. I'm sick of watching you follow along on your leash. Laugh at me all you want, but, it's ok, because I laugh at your holier-than-thou atttiude. Judge me, because I judge your insecurities. Pity me, because I pity your ignorance.
I know it will never ever be the same, so I suppose I must bid you goodbye. Well then just remember....I choose not to be there anymore for you. Come run to me, and I will turn the same blind eye you turned to me. I tried to forget things and suck up a little--- how disgusting it made me feel seeing your face shrivel up as I attempted to loosen things up. I can't afford to put on a facade for you...I would feel even more revolted at myself to go so far. What does it matter? I see you don't care; I see I am no one to you. I thought you knew who I was, but I guess I was utterly wrong. I guess I was wrong about you. Have a splendid life. Adieu.