(no subject)
Wednesday was my grandmother's birthday. She would have been 81. Ten years ago she had her last birthday.
Yesterday was flag day and also the birthday of more than one person who has tried to ruin my life. It is always a funny day to me. And yes, a stupid holiday.
The cat. Is not doing well.
Atticus, also. He's coming back at the end of the month. I don't know what to do about that.
As of a week ago (Wednesday) my first year of my second go round at grad school is completed. I just checked now and grades are in. Whatever about the 2.5s I got on my homework assignments diagramming sentences, and how dumb my paper for the long poems class turned out (good ideas, terrible terrible execution); I got 4.0 in both. I've actually learned so much. Which makes me happy. For so many reasons this has been one of the hardest years of my life.
I realized recently these "hardest years" seem to come in ten-year cycles. 2011-2012. This. Now. So hard. I am convinced it will lighten. But there has also been so so so so so much good. The time with ajd, new friends, Conspiracies coming to life, the exchanges with one of my idols, teaching, getting the thesis committee I wanted (when no one else got what they wanted), good things happening to people I like (Kate, Sheri). And that's just what my numb sleepy can come up with immediately. 2001-2002 found me stupidly embracing a bad relationship because I thought the world would end, the murder in the house across the street, three pets dying, Brooke's mother dying suddenly, my grandmother dying suddenly, two destroyed girls screaming in a house. 1991-1992, the move and all it's difficulties, to go into that stuff would feel teen angsty, but it was maybe more than that. And 1981-1982, my parents divorce, my year of no supervision, my mother's inappropriate boyfriend (and his attempted suicide, etc). I am convinced the current year is more mixed--intense good with the bad because it is a Dragon year. And I am that, a Dragon.
I got full funding for next year. Two fellowships, including one that is prestigious in name / reputation and the other one that I can't really believe how generous and how I don't have to do anything for it. Free money? What? Then I asked to teach again. It occurred to me I could do that. And Rick said yes. So that's settled. Even though the actual paperwork etc won't go through until December. Proactive, yes. I wasn't really eligible for the position last year and I got it. I should mention that. Now I'm going to run the fucking show.
I had other things to say, but I'm sleepy. Has it really been so long, lj? Everybody left. Facebook seems so immediate. The interaction.
Don't forget, for those of you who might care: I actually post sometimes at elizabethjcolen.blogspot.com
Yesterday was flag day and also the birthday of more than one person who has tried to ruin my life. It is always a funny day to me. And yes, a stupid holiday.
The cat. Is not doing well.
Atticus, also. He's coming back at the end of the month. I don't know what to do about that.
As of a week ago (Wednesday) my first year of my second go round at grad school is completed. I just checked now and grades are in. Whatever about the 2.5s I got on my homework assignments diagramming sentences, and how dumb my paper for the long poems class turned out (good ideas, terrible terrible execution); I got 4.0 in both. I've actually learned so much. Which makes me happy. For so many reasons this has been one of the hardest years of my life.
I realized recently these "hardest years" seem to come in ten-year cycles. 2011-2012. This. Now. So hard. I am convinced it will lighten. But there has also been so so so so so much good. The time with ajd, new friends, Conspiracies coming to life, the exchanges with one of my idols, teaching, getting the thesis committee I wanted (when no one else got what they wanted), good things happening to people I like (Kate, Sheri). And that's just what my numb sleepy can come up with immediately. 2001-2002 found me stupidly embracing a bad relationship because I thought the world would end, the murder in the house across the street, three pets dying, Brooke's mother dying suddenly, my grandmother dying suddenly, two destroyed girls screaming in a house. 1991-1992, the move and all it's difficulties, to go into that stuff would feel teen angsty, but it was maybe more than that. And 1981-1982, my parents divorce, my year of no supervision, my mother's inappropriate boyfriend (and his attempted suicide, etc). I am convinced the current year is more mixed--intense good with the bad because it is a Dragon year. And I am that, a Dragon.
I got full funding for next year. Two fellowships, including one that is prestigious in name / reputation and the other one that I can't really believe how generous and how I don't have to do anything for it. Free money? What? Then I asked to teach again. It occurred to me I could do that. And Rick said yes. So that's settled. Even though the actual paperwork etc won't go through until December. Proactive, yes. I wasn't really eligible for the position last year and I got it. I should mention that. Now I'm going to run the fucking show.
I had other things to say, but I'm sleepy. Has it really been so long, lj? Everybody left. Facebook seems so immediate. The interaction.
Don't forget, for those of you who might care: I actually post sometimes at elizabethjcolen.blogspot.com