Keeping Secrets
I was wrong, and I know it, but unfortunately I just wasn't quite sure of what to do. I went to my friend, who has been my friend for many years now, and told her I was concerned about something. I -should- have gone to my other friend who is involved and expressed my concerned, but instead I went to the former. I asked my friend not to tell the other what I had said because I hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings, and instead of keeping that promise, she told him what I said. So now, now I'm on thin ice with my friend, which I know that I deserve, but I am upset that the person I spoke to first betrayed my trust.
I wish I had, had enough faith in the gentleman I had spoken about to go to him about my concerns. As I see it, I had no right to have those concerns really, it's just, I didn't want to see two people I care very deeply about get hurt. It isn't my right nor my place to interject my personal opinions into other people's lives.
I have a lot of male friends in my life, and generally the things they say or do don't bother me, but there are times it worries me. I'm not just talking of the gentleman above, but others that I know. Unfortunately I don't have it in me to explain that they make me uncomfortable because I worry that if I do, it will hurt their feelings, or worse yet, I worry if I say something it will make them do more. As I've had both happen. I can be as flirtatious as the rest of them, and I am sure I don't help matters, but I try to keep my intentions clear. In the end though, I only cause more problems because I don't speak up for myself.
I guess the only thing I really have left to say is this. To the woman I had spoken to about the gentleman who's beyond miffed at me, I say this. I am sorry, and I was wrong to have said anything on the matter, it wasn't my place. I'm not your mother, and I can't nor do I have the right to tell you what to look out for, or what NOT to look out for.
To the gentleman I spoke about but didn't go to, I say this. It isn't that I think you distrustful, it is just that sometimes, with your flirting, I can't always discern what you are meaning or wanting. I suppose though, to be frankly honest, it shouldn't matter what I discern from you or your words, you are who you are, and in being who you are, you've gained a great deal of my love and respect. Instead of rewarding you for that, I inadvertantly slapped you in the face with my own stupid fears and opinions, and in doing that I have permanently damaged our friendship. I can only hope that I can make up for all the pain and hurt I caused you someday. I truly am sorry.
With that, I'm done.
I wish I had, had enough faith in the gentleman I had spoken about to go to him about my concerns. As I see it, I had no right to have those concerns really, it's just, I didn't want to see two people I care very deeply about get hurt. It isn't my right nor my place to interject my personal opinions into other people's lives.
I have a lot of male friends in my life, and generally the things they say or do don't bother me, but there are times it worries me. I'm not just talking of the gentleman above, but others that I know. Unfortunately I don't have it in me to explain that they make me uncomfortable because I worry that if I do, it will hurt their feelings, or worse yet, I worry if I say something it will make them do more. As I've had both happen. I can be as flirtatious as the rest of them, and I am sure I don't help matters, but I try to keep my intentions clear. In the end though, I only cause more problems because I don't speak up for myself.
I guess the only thing I really have left to say is this. To the woman I had spoken to about the gentleman who's beyond miffed at me, I say this. I am sorry, and I was wrong to have said anything on the matter, it wasn't my place. I'm not your mother, and I can't nor do I have the right to tell you what to look out for, or what NOT to look out for.
To the gentleman I spoke about but didn't go to, I say this. It isn't that I think you distrustful, it is just that sometimes, with your flirting, I can't always discern what you are meaning or wanting. I suppose though, to be frankly honest, it shouldn't matter what I discern from you or your words, you are who you are, and in being who you are, you've gained a great deal of my love and respect. Instead of rewarding you for that, I inadvertantly slapped you in the face with my own stupid fears and opinions, and in doing that I have permanently damaged our friendship. I can only hope that I can make up for all the pain and hurt I caused you someday. I truly am sorry.
With that, I'm done.