Shotguns and Roses
Author’s note: I hope you like this chapter; it’s a birthday gift for ladyanne525. I hope you like it! Next in the Merrily, Merrily series, since everyone seemed to want to see the wedding :)
P.S. Please suggest a song for the music meme! I need inspiration :)
The minister is the first to arrive, unlocking the front door of the church at precisely nine am. It’s a small church, and his usual flock consists of just ninety parishioners, but he doesn’t mind since they only have seating for a hundred. He runs his hands along the gleaming polished wood of the pews, whistling his favorite Wagner tune under his breath as he starts to set up for the afternoon’s festivities. June is always his favorite month, for he gets to perform more wedding ceremonies than at any other time, and he offers a prayer of thanks for the beautiful weather as he carefully lays the embroidered linens across the altar. Normally, he wouldn’t be so involved with setup, but he does so love a good wedding and knows that the participants don’t have time to decorate the church. He normally wouldn’t perform such a hastily thrown together wedding, but he can tell that bride and groom are truly in love.
By the time the florist arrives a mere hour later, all the pews have been festooned with white and red silk ribbons, and the florist and minister spend the next half hour arranging the blood-red roses mixed with the delicately lacy baby’s breath. The florist lovingly ties a bouquet together with a white ribbon, and leaves the arrangement lying on a chair in the room designated as the bride’s dressing room. Boutonnieres are laid out in the groom’s room, with tiny hand-written name tags indicating the correct owners. Two red roses are placed in the two front pews, for the mothers of the bride and groom, until the minister remembers that the poor groom had lost his mother a few years earlier, and after careful consideration, removes the delicate rose before it can remind anyone of the loss.
Eleven o’clock ushers in the arrival of the photographer, who starts setting up his cameras, both digital and video, in the vestibule as the minister rolls up his sleeves and starts pounding away at the small pipe organ, carefully tuning the instrument until every notes rings out in crystalline perfection. As they work together in harmony, all three of them, the minister, the photographer, and the florist hum along to the echoing notes of “Lohengrin” and “A Midsummer’s Night Dream” reverberating through the church.
When they close the church at twelve to go grab a quick dinner in the fellowship hall, it’s a beautifully serene place, filled with flowers and ribbons and hopes for a lovely wedding and a successful marriage.
- - - - - - - - - -
Noah looks around the church, glad that he’d been able to sneak in while it was still empty. Claire will kill him if she sees the shotgun, so he needs to hide it before she can spot it; he’s not about to take a chance, and if Sylar gets it in his head to run… well, he needs to keep the gun in an easily accessible location. The Velcro strips are as easy to install as the packaging had promised, and after he finishes his work, he takes a step back and admires it. No one can spot the gun Velcroed to the bottom of the pew; he can barely see it and he knows where to look. Perfect. Work finished, he walks out of the church, humming a cheery tune under his breath.
- - - - - - - - - -
“I think I’m going to puke.” Claire’s not entirely sure if the statement’s true, since she feels like she may just pass out instead. She grabs one of the programs off the table and uses it to fan herself. “It’s so hot in here, I can’t breathe.”
“Oh, sweetheart, that just your nerves talking.” Sandra smiles at her. “Every bride gets cold feet; it’s nothing to worry about. I got so nervous, thought I’d be sick too. And you didn’t hear it from me, but your dad was so nervous he passed out - twice!”
“Cold feet, yeah, that’s what it is.” Elle snickers as she elbows Niki. “Cold feet, morning sickness, it’s all the same isn’t it?”
“Shut it, Elle.” Claire hisses at her at the same time that Niki elbows her, hard.
Elle rolls her eyes. “Oh, please. We all know - it’s not like you’re trying to hide it, not after that delightful family dinner earlier this week, so what’s the big deal now?”
“Because it’s a happy day, Elle, and we don’t want to discuss unhappy topics.” Sandra says, forced smile on her lips.
Claire can’t believe what she’s hearing. “What, are you saying that you aren’t happy you’re going to have a grandchild, ‘cause that’s not what you said three days ago.”
“I’m just saying that we should be focusing on getting you ready for today, not about anything else. Of course I’m happy. Don’t I sound happy? I would have been happier if you could have waited until after the wedding, but…” Sandra sighs. “You’re going to do whatever it is you want to do, and I’ve just had to learn to deal with it. This isn’t any different.”
“Mrs. Bennet, I think you might…” Niki starts to interrupt, but when she sees the glare Claire gives her, she lets her sentence die.
“Out.” Claire points at the door. “I’m stressed enough, and I can’t deal with you right now.”
“Now, Claire, don’t be silly. I’m just saying what you know your father and I are thinking. Now sit down, and let me do your hair.” Sandra’s not about to budge from the room; she knows it’s just Claire’s nerves making her so irritable. “Girls, why don’t you go see if the groom and the groomsmen are here yet or talk to the minister or something?”
Before Elle can protest, Niki grabs her by the arm and drags her from the room, realizing that Sandra and Claire need some alone time.
Sandra waits for the door to close before addressing her daughter again. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but my father gave me some advice before I married Noah, and I want to pass it down to you.”
“Mom.” If it’s the birds and the bees talk again, Claire’s going to scream.
“I’m not saying I agree or disagree with it, but I just wanted to let you know the family wisdom on this. You’re not tied to anything or anyone until you say ‘I do’, so if at any time, any time at all, you change your mind - well, just wink or motion to me, and we’re out of here.” Sandra smiles at her, then hands Claire a white and silver bag tied with a red ribbon. “Now, with that in mind, I have a little gift for you. Consider it your something new.”
Claire opens the bag, wondering what could be inside. She’s not expecting to find a pair of pristine white sneakers, and gives her mom an incredulous look.
“Not only is it something new, and trust me - they’re going to be much more comfortable than those high heels, but no one will be able to see them under your skirt unless you lift your skirt high enough and if you need to run, well, they’re much better than heels for that.” Sandra hugs her daughter. “Not that I’m saying that I think you ought to use them - I didn’t use mine, but it’s up to you.”
“Gee, thanks?” Claire’s not exactly sure what to say to a ‘here’s something so you can run away from your fiancé faster’ gift.
“You’re welcome, sweetheart. I’m going to go check on your dad now; he’s getting a bit… nutsy… about this. I swear, I had to frisk him before we left the house this morning, and I found three guns!”
Claire just buries her head in her hands; she knows this day isn’t going to go as planned.
- - - - - - - - - -
It’s barely a minute after Sandra leaves that someone knocks on the door.
“Who is it?”
“Nathan.”
Claire wonders if it’s too late to pretend she’s not there. “Come in.”
The hug they share is awkward, but the silence that follows is even more so. “So… you’re getting married.” Nathan finally utters, which he immediately follows up with “I sound so stupid.”
She laughs, then wonders if that was his intention the entire time.
“I know you don’t think of me as your father, and I have no problems with Noah giving you away, but I wanted to talk to you for a minute before the ceremony.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small jewelry box. “These were your grandmother’s, and before that they were her mother’s, and so on. I know she’d want you to have them, so here’s something old for your special day.”
When she opens the box, she finds a strand of the highest quality pearls she’s ever seen. “Oh, Nathan, they’re beautiful!” She holds up the necklace to her neck, knowing how it must clash with her T-shirt and jean shorts since she hasn’t put her dress on yet, but not caring. “Fasten it for me?”
His hands shake as he fumbles with the delicate clasp, and as his fingers brush against her neck, he whispers into her ear. “I’ve got another gift for you, but it’s probably not as welcome as this necklace. As a gift for you and your husband, if you decide to go through with it, there’s a limo waiting outside for you and a jet ready at the airport to take you to your honeymoon. If you decide not to do it though, I told the driver to keep the motor running. You change your mind - at any time, it’s okay to do it - you just get outside and he’ll whisk you away. Jet’s fueled up and ready to go, flight plans already filed for an emergency trip to New York. Don’t think you have to stay, that you don’t have any other options.”
The only thing Claire can’t think is ‘not again’, but she doesn’t say it. “Thanks, Nathan.” She steps away from him, and then turns around so he can see the necklace.
“Think nothing of it.” He smiles at her. “The necklace looks gorgeous on you; you're such a beautiful bride. I’m going to go now, let you finish getting ready.” He hugs her again, only this time it’s not as awkward as before, and closes the door behind him as he sneaks back out into the main church.
- - - - - - - - - -
“So…” The minister tries to make small talk with the two bridesmaids. “You’re… coworkers? Is that how you know the lovely couple?”
“You mean Miss Perfect and Clock-Boy? Well, yeah, technically we’re coworkers, but I’m also the bride’s sister and, hmm, I think I’m technically her aunt too since I just married her uncle. Niki here’s not technically related to her, except that she just married the groom’s ex-boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend. Oh, yeah, does that make me related to the groom too, since I just married his ex? Oh, not the bride’s uncle, my other husband.” The shorter of the two bridesmaids responded.
“Oh. That’s… um…” The minister just stares at her in disbelief, trying to figure out if she’s joking or not; she must be joking, has to be. She obviously has a very odd sense of humor.
“Elle!” Niki snaps at her. “You know that’s not true, Sylar and Mohinder and Matt just had really close friendships.” She smiles at the minister. “That’s our Elle, always joking. No, we’re just good friends and coworkers. Excuse us, I want to go check on my son and stepdaughter, Elle come with me - now.”
The minister pulls his handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes his brow as the oddly Amazon-like bridesmaid pulls the smaller blonde behind her to the other side of the church. He looks away from the women towards the vestibule, only to find the first guests are starting to arrive. Excellent; everything’s still running on schedule.
- - - - - - - - - -
She’s just finished touching up her makeup and hair when there’s a knock on the door followed by a loud “Claire-bear?”
Claire just sighs, just knowing that Noah’s going to make the same offer that Sandra and Nathan had. “Come in.”
Before he can speak, she addresses him. “Before you can get started, I just wanted to tell you I’ve already heard it. You’ve got some escape plan already mapped out, I don’t have to go through with it, yada yada yada. Did I miss anything?” She can’t hide the sarcasm and stress in her voice.
“No, no, that seems thorough. I guess your mom’s already been here?” Noah grins at her.
“Yeah, and Nathan, and they both left gifts. Look at what Mom gave me.” She lifts her skirt just enough to show off her snazzy new sneakers. “So, what was your plan? Nathan offered a limo and a jet, can you top that?”
“Did he have a way to keep Sylar from following you?” He reaches behind his back and pulls out a gun that he’d strapped to his back, offering it to her hilt first.
She’s horrified, and won’t even touch it. “Dad! I’m not going to shoot him!”
“It’s just a sedative dart gun. Consider it your something borrowed. I want it back at the end of the day.”
“But…” She’s not sure what to say.
“Oh, I forgot.” He reaches into his coat pocket, but can’t find what he’s looking for. He has to pat around, checking every pocket, until he finally finds something in his trouser pocket. Pulling out a garter, he hands it to her. “It doubles as a gun holster. I knew you wouldn’t have a purse to carry.”
She lets the garter hang limply from the tip of her finger as she eyes it, then realizes that it’s officially the creepiest gift she’s ever received and probably ever will receive. “Thanks, Dad.” She tries to say it with enthusiasm, but falls short.
“I’m not saying you have to use it, but I just want you to have it. You do know how to use it, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” She doesn’t tell him that she’s considering using it on him. Things might run more smoothly if she does, she knows that for certain.
- - - - - - - - - -
“Welcome, welcome!” The minister shakes the hand of the newest guest. “I’m Reverend Johnson, and you are?”
“Mohinder Suresh. I work with the couple.” The man smiles at him, and then introduces his guest. “And this is Maya Herrera.”
“Pleased to meet you, Father.” The woman also smiles at him, and offers him her hand.
“Pleased to meet you too, Miss Herrera. It looks like our ushers are busy right now, please, let me seat you. Which side?”
Mohinder and Maya exchange a look, then both say “Groom’s side!” at the same time.
The minister’s relieved; they’re about to run out of seats on the bride’s side, since everyone else had chosen to sit there. “Excellent. I tell you, the bride must be extremely popular - everyone knows her and wants to show their support for her.”
“Oh, no, it’s just that Sylar is…” Maya starts to say, then pauses. “He’s… well… yes, yes, Claire is popular, very popular.” She smiles at him, like she hadn’t been about to saying something negative about the groom. Again, the minister wonders about these people - it’s all so very odd, unlike most of his other weddings. He’s starting to get a bad feeling about it.
The minister escorts them towards the front of the chapel, since there’s no reason for them to sit in the back of an empty section. As soon as he turns around, he hears a loud scream of “Mohinder!” and sees the bride’s supposed sister running towards him. “How dare you, you bastard!” He hastily retreats into the vestibule as the woman begins berating poor Mr. Suresh for bringing a date with him. He makes a mental note to talk to the bride or her parents; that Elle doesn’t seem entirely stable to him, not at all.
- - - - - - - - - -
By the time Elle slips into the room, Claire is at the breaking point. She’d received visits from Mohinder, Matt, and Peter after Noah left, all telling her the same exact thing. “What do you want, Elle?”
Elle starts playing with the dart gun sitting out on the table top. “Nothing.”
“Really? You came here for nothing?” Claire knows that Elle’s up to something.
“Well… ok, so did you know Mohinder brought a date with him? How dare he!” Elle whines.
Claire bites her tongue; there’s no need to get Elle more riled up.
“And it’s that sanctimonious Maya, too.”
“Maya!” There goes her ability to stay quiet. “He brought her here, today? Is he insane?”
“I know!” Elle exclaims. “I already told her not to make a scene, and to not come near your or Sylar, but I just wanted to let you know that she’s here. Did Sylar ever tell you what happened between them?”
“Bits and pieces.” Bits and pieces that she’s still not happy about, but there’s no need to give Elle more ammunition. “Does he know she’s here?”
“Have you heard him bellowing and stomping about? By the way, that’s a rhetorical question.” Elle glances away, then shares a conspiratory grin. “Peter’s too scared to tell him.” She puts the dart gun down, and reaches behind her back. For a wild second, Claire wonders if her sister’s going to pull out another gun, another gift like Noah’s. “I got a gift for you. It’s the something blue.”
It’s a complete non sequitor from their Maya conversation, but Claire’s used to Elle’s way of jumping from topic to topic. She reaches for the bag as if she’s afraid it’s going to explode; you never could tell with one of Elle’s gifts. She pulls out a small blue scrap of cloth, and it takes a minute for her to realize what it is.
“I figured with you getting all the gifts today, Sylar might like something too.” Elle tries to explain. “And G-strings always make great guy gifts. I mean, you wouldn’t believe what happened when Peter found out that…”
“I don’t want to know!” Claire cuts her off before she can hear something too kinky for her innocent ears. “Just... thank you, and don’t ever mention it again.”
“But you have to tell me all about his reaction, okay?”
“Um, no.”
“Spoilsport.” Elle grins at her. “So, you really going to do this?”
“I swear to God, if you say one word about how I don’t have to and how you have a plan, I’m going to scream.” Claire can’t believe it; does every single person she know think that her marriage is a horrible decision?
“You know, I always thought that this whole thing with Sylar was a plea for more attention from Papa-Bear, but… are you sure you want to marry him? I mean, he’s tried to kill you how many times?”
“Elle, I’m warning you, I don’t want to hear this. Why can’t people just be happy for us?”
“I just wanted to let you know that all you have to do is reach out for my hand during the ceremony if you change your mind, and we’ll blow this popsicle stand.” She winks at Claire. “I glued metal plates inside Sylar’s shoes - if I need to shock him for you, it’ll be a good one!”
- - - - - - - - - -
The minister smiles at the assembled guests, they’re still on schedule to start in a few minutes. As soon as he sees that that the mother of the bride has been seated, he makes his way to the groom’s room and lets him know to take his position. The groomsmen come out first, Matt and Peter taking their positions, and then Sylar.
The guests are getting anxious, ready for the ceremony to get started, when a woman’s scream echoes through the church, drowning out the soft organ music playing softly in the background. The minister jumps, and almost drops his bible. All the guests turn to look around, trying to locate the mysterious screamer. Matt just groans, realizing the problem as he hears Claire’s furious mental shrieks. He sends a message to his wife, letting her know that she needs to go check on Claire and Elle.
Thinking about how it was a mistake to leave Elle alone long enough to check on Molly and Micah again, Niki smiles at the guests as she marches down the aisle towards the bride’s room. The next sound the assembled guests here is a woman shrieking “What the hell is going on in here? What is wrong with you people?” quickly followed by “Ooops, reverend, forgot this was a church - sorry! Elle, stop that! Don’t bite her!”
Everyone starts looking around, whispering to their neighbors, wondering just what was going on. The volume level goes up when both of the groomsmen run towards the back of the church, quickly followed by the bride’s father, and the groom starts whispering in the minister’s ear. There are a few more loud shrieks and thuds, and then what sounds suspiciously like a gunshot, then everything goes silent.
The bride’s father sticks his head out, waves at the minister and the organist, who’s stopped playing in stunned silence, and calls out. “We’re good here, let’s go ahead and get started.” The groomsmen come running back up the aisle, skidding to a stop next to the groom, who just glares at them. The first bridesmaid, the one that always makes the minister think of an Amazon, glides down the aisle, smiling at the portly groomsmen before kissing the groom on the cheek. The second bridesmaid, the bride’s sister, has all the tongues wagging as she stomps down the aisle, dress askew and her hair falling down out of its elegant French twist, as if someone had been pulling at it. Her bouquet looks like it’s been pushed through a grinder.
The church goes silent though, as the Wedding March begins to play, and the bride and her father start their walk down the aisle.
- - - - - - - - - -
Everything goes smoothly enough, after the rocky start, until they reach the part about “if any person can show just cause.” The minister had initially thought about leaving that line out after realizing how deep the tension between the groom and the bride’s family ran, but had decided to leave it in because it’s traditional. As soon as he says it, though, he realizes his mistake. Guests start whispering; everyone starts looking about wildly, just waiting to see who’s brave enough to say something first. A few of the guests pull lists out of their pockets, so they don’t forget any of the reasons, and one particular smart guest pulls out a handheld video camera and starts filming.
The minister takes a deep breath, waits one more second as the noise grows louder, and then starts “Well, then…”
“Wait!” A woman yells out.
The buzz of the whispers grows even louder, some people giving up the pretense of whispering and talking out loud instead, all looking around for the brave soul who called out.
“Gabriel, please, no. Don’t.” Maya starts to stand up, but Mohinder quickly grabs her hand and tries to pull her back down.
“Sit down, you skank!” Elle yells out. “Like any of us care what you have to say!”
Mohinder can’t help but respond, still angry at Elle for talking him into that fiasco in Vegas, and angry at how she’d been dragging her feet at signing the annulment papers. “You can’t talk like that to her!”
“Seeing how she’s dating my husband, I think I can talk to her however I want to.” Elle retorts. “Now, shut her up, or I will.”
“You and what army, Elle? Going to make Peter do your dirty work for this, too?” Mohinder yells back, forgetting he’s in the middle of a wedding.
“Please. Peter didn’t make you do anything you didn’t already want to do, or did you forget that?” Elle hands her bouquet to Niki, who makes a valiant attempt at grabbing her elbow to restrain her, but misses as Elle takes a few steps closer to Mohinder and Maya. “Leave. You’re not wanted here. You’ve already disrupted the wedding enough.”
Mohinder crosses his arms and sits back down. “When hell freezes over will I ever do anything you tell me to.”
“Is this the crazy stalker you were telling me about, Mo-Mo?” Maya comments, with a smirk at Elle.
“Oh, that is it!”
- - - - - - - - - -
Before the minister can really tell what has happened, he’s hiding behind the altar with the bride and groom, as the room erupts into a free-for-all, with all the guests arguing and fighting. The smell of roses is heavy in the air as all the flowers are crushed in the fights, and he wants to just cry when he hears the splintering of one of his pews. He does cry when one of his precious stained glass windows suddenly erupts as if someone had shot at it, brightly colored glass showering down over the brawling heads of the wedding guests.
“This is all your fault.” Claire whispers to Sylar.
“My fault? How is this my fault?” He hisses back, and then pulls her close as a flower vase goes sailing over the altar.
“She’s your crazy ex.”
“Yeah, emphasis on the crazy. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Mohinder’s - I can’t believe he invited her! Besides, it’s your sister who threw the first punch.”
“True.” Claire can’t argue with that, and is just glad that he hadn’t mentioned that it had been her father, her other father, and her uncle who’d escalated the problem. “So, minister, can you finish what you started?”
“I… I… I…”
“I think we broke him, babydoll.” Sylar grins at her. “So, what’s this I hear about everyone and their brother offering you ways out of marrying me?”
“Can you believe it, Nathan even offered me a limo and a jet to get away!”
“Does that offer still stand, you think?” He smiles at her.
“Why?”
“Still want to marry me?”
She doesn’t answer him, just pulls him close for a kiss.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Come on, let’s get out of here.” No one, except for the minister, notices the couple crawl to the emergency exit and leave.
- - - - - - - - - -
“You were right the first time, we should have just gone ahead and eloped.” Sylar admits his mistake as he lounges in one of the plush leather chairs on the private jet.
“Told you so.” Claire smiles at him as she unbuckles her seatbelt and crawls into his lap. “I told you this would happen. Okay, so I didn’t know about the strange Maya-Mohinder-Elle thing, but still… I knew something would go wrong.”
“I just can’t believe it went so horribly wrong so quickly.” He wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer. “Think they’ve noticed our absence yet?”
“Who cares?” She presses a kiss against his neck. “We’ve got this entire jet to ourselves, the pilot can’t hear anything, and we’re eloping, and you’re thinking about other people? Have to admit I’m a bit disappointed that you’re not focused on me.” Her hands find the band of his pants and she starts toying with his zipper as she kisses her way up his neck to his ear. “Don’t you want one last romp before we’re old boring married people?”
His answer is a low growl and a quick pounce.
- - - - - - - - - -
No one finds it the least little bit odd when they spot a young blonde woman in a billowing wedding dress running through terminal D of McCarran International, laughing and giggling as a man in a tuxedo chases her. A few of the passengers smile when they see how he kisses her once he catches her, remembering what it was like when they were newlyweds. One or two call out to the couple, offering words like “congratulations!” and “mazel tov!” and “best wishes!” The bride stops to talk to one or two of the well-wishers, until her groom tosses her over his shoulder and carries her towards the exit.
- - - - - - - - - -
When they finally get to the chapel, after having the limo drive around the block slowly for another twenty minutes for one more last encounter, they get quite a shock. Noah, Sandra, Nathan, Elle, and Peter are waiting for them.
Claire gives her parents a quick hug, and then an incredulous look. “Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?”
“When we noticed you’d left, we knew exactly where you’d gone. Niki told us which chapel you’d picked before, so Peter got us here in a hurry, and we’ve just been waiting. Come on, everything’s set up, let’s get you two married.”
“No guns, no surprises, no more fights?” Sylar has to ask, arms crossed across his chest, not happy with any of his guests. “No more disrupting and ruining what’s supposed to be one of the most important days for us?”
“Nope, we’ll behave.” Peter promises, then gives Elle a pointed look. “Don’t you have something you’d like to say?”
She pouts. “No.”
Nathan nudges her with his elbow at the same time Sandra reaches out and gives her a light tap on the arm. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start a fight and I’ll pay for all the damages to the church, although I still say that someone else,” she stops to glare at Noah, “was responsible for what happened to the window. Happy now?”
“Supremely.” Sylar drawls out. “Come on; let’s do this before anyone else shows up.” He grabs Claire’s hand and after pulling her in for another kiss, he pushes the chapel doors open and they stride down the aisle.
Standing there, in front of God and their family and an aging Elvis impersonator, they pledged their love and devotion. It might not be the event that Sandra and Claire had both been dreaming about for years, it might not be the wedding or the groom that Noah would have chosen for his Claire-bear, but it was all they needed.