(no subject)
Last saturday morning, I experienced what was not nessicarily the best trip I have ever had, but certainly the most signifigant. I attended a psychedelic trance party in the pine barrens of NJ that night, and had taken 2 and a half ecstacy pills. I usually avoid tripping a parties, especially on LSD because of what a social clutz I become, but watching a friend of mine have such a wonderful trip inspired me to do so. After all, it was around 9:30 in the morning, and the vibe of the party had signifigantly changed. Everyone was pretty much in "chillout" mode, as was the music, so I figured, ah, what the hell. I exchaged a water bottle half full of rum for 2 liquid hits and began to feel the effects about 2 hours later. Almost immediatly after I began to reallr trip, it was time to leave. I tripped really hard in the car for what seemed to be about an hour and I soon noticed that the usual feelings of confusion and self consciousness that I have come to associate with LSD were not present. I became very aware of "be Here Now" an book that had become veryspiritually signifigant to me in recent months. Whenever I tripped on acid before, I told myself to be here now, because I often find myself feeling listless, not knowing what to do with myself. So I would tell myself to just be here now. I was also bothered by my short term memory. I could never remember what I was thinking about or doing even an instant before, and was always so caught up in trying to remember what it was. But because I was able to sit in the car and not speak to anyone or do anything, i was able to just focus on the trip itself, which was something that I was never able to do before. I realized the true meaning of "Be Here Now" and it's signifigance to LSD.Nothing matters exept this, this very instant, this very place, because nothing else exists. THIS THIS THIS NOW NOW NOW amd that's all you have. LSD makes you forget about that and there and gives you here and now. It's a very simple concept, but so difficult to explain.
Be heere now eventually turned into just BE. I closed my eyes and focused on OM, which at the time represented the everything and nothing that I was becoming. I had no memory, no future, no past, no identity, and I was realizing that this was the most imprtant moment of my life. I had reached enlightenment but was completley aware of everything that was going on around me. When we got home, my friends tried to talk to me, but I didn't respond. It wasn't that I was unaware of them or that I didn't respond or couldn't, it was that I wasn't there. They were trying to communicate with Andi, and Andi wasn't present. I remember realizing that if i could just focus, if I could just meditate on this concept for all time, that I would be content to do so. It wasn't a good feeling, it wasn't a bad feeling. It reallly wasn't a feeling at all, it just was, and that was all.
Obviously, it ended, and Andi came back. She was very confused. Now that I knew what it was, what I was, i didn't know how to be her anymore. Part of me wanted never to speak again. I wasnted to be alone with that experience forever, but I realized that I couldn't. That was that and this is this. I don't know why I'm here, but I am, and I'm happy about it, and I look forward to being THAT again some time. Maybe I won't ever experience it again until I die, but at least I know what comes next.
Be heere now eventually turned into just BE. I closed my eyes and focused on OM, which at the time represented the everything and nothing that I was becoming. I had no memory, no future, no past, no identity, and I was realizing that this was the most imprtant moment of my life. I had reached enlightenment but was completley aware of everything that was going on around me. When we got home, my friends tried to talk to me, but I didn't respond. It wasn't that I was unaware of them or that I didn't respond or couldn't, it was that I wasn't there. They were trying to communicate with Andi, and Andi wasn't present. I remember realizing that if i could just focus, if I could just meditate on this concept for all time, that I would be content to do so. It wasn't a good feeling, it wasn't a bad feeling. It reallly wasn't a feeling at all, it just was, and that was all.
Obviously, it ended, and Andi came back. She was very confused. Now that I knew what it was, what I was, i didn't know how to be her anymore. Part of me wanted never to speak again. I wasnted to be alone with that experience forever, but I realized that I couldn't. That was that and this is this. I don't know why I'm here, but I am, and I'm happy about it, and I look forward to being THAT again some time. Maybe I won't ever experience it again until I die, but at least I know what comes next.