(no subject)
Finaly riight .. is that what im sopose to be thinking .??
Finaly im moving out ..9 months after the fact i am sopose to .. ?
i feel as if im 16 years old and somone has or is stealing my best freind..
its silly if i ever sit n explain it to anyone , cause everyone tells me i have alot going for my self at this point in my life ..
fookin i luv lj .. just write to write and vent i luv it .. n i love loking back on my thoughts fooK .. lil things in life ..
anywho.. im going back to school now , my work paying for it , im making okay money its not great its not good but what is good money now a dayz , i ve got friends i luv that ive been very breif with i feel like , ive got a boyfreind who i know luvs me , yet in my syko head i get heated over internet shit , b/c of my insecurities .. me calling the ketle black .. crazy -- least of my worries ..
but moving into new place thats mine is sopose to be fun .. everyone moves out .. wtf im 25 its the perfect time ,i can afford it . shes getin married .. Witch is a huge deal with me .. even tho my pops is the bigest most anoying person ive come across , i duno with the remarrage shit .. i dunt blame them for shit fooking up 25 years ago but its somthing that in 2004 still errrks me and i have no idea why . im an adult . wtf ..
i always did tell her id be here and i wouldnt leave .. toldher id rasie my kids with her in the house or around i also recall telingmy mom id never marry or anything cause her n i are too perfect for eatch other .. as i sit n write this journal , the tears fall quick frum my eyes im not crying panic tears they are just driping down my face the pain is very strange . my mother and i are more then close and share everything and are in eatch other 100% shit .. all the tyme ..
i just sit n think all the night either heart broken daughter or upset kid i was no matter how i foked up she did soo much and everything she couldfor me no matter the situation .. i cant even sitwith her now for too long without wanting to break down and cry i know shefeels tha same way . but im jsut not looking as forward to this as i want to be i want to be more exited i sit n realise when i write in this pc next thursday i will be in my place .. and it heart ackin .. my new place rocks its very nice perfect for me .. its this feeling as if somone dyed is all i can explain .. uncontrolable heartach. shes been my best freind threwout my whole life i never ask people for anththing she went frum my mom to my most insanley best freind eveR , always in the room next to me that right now i see is not abig deal but she needs to move on with life i need to get on my way and dew mything and it takes my brealth away thinkingabout not coming home to her everyday after literaly 25 years of coming home to her face and her greetings ..
and i know i will be okay i know im totaly capable of this as longas my emtions grab hold and just stop ..(i jsut want the crying to stop ) .. iwish men could understand things i know kery understand she told me shed be a mess . but i cant i cant not stop crying at night when im alone durignthe day between my clients between goin to bed jsut watchinganything .. jesus its soo baybeish redicliouse.
ahh ...
i think im goin to be ljing alot more off on my own ..... and im gonna need to get a keep up on my buddyes cause ive been awful and not readin as i should be and getin to se sum other comnuities on here ..
and im sorry ...
hope everyone is well im sorry if this tok up space on ure pages ! im too lazy to
Finaly im moving out ..9 months after the fact i am sopose to .. ?
i feel as if im 16 years old and somone has or is stealing my best freind..
its silly if i ever sit n explain it to anyone , cause everyone tells me i have alot going for my self at this point in my life ..
fookin i luv lj .. just write to write and vent i luv it .. n i love loking back on my thoughts fooK .. lil things in life ..
anywho.. im going back to school now , my work paying for it , im making okay money its not great its not good but what is good money now a dayz , i ve got friends i luv that ive been very breif with i feel like , ive got a boyfreind who i know luvs me , yet in my syko head i get heated over internet shit , b/c of my insecurities .. me calling the ketle black .. crazy -- least of my worries ..
but moving into new place thats mine is sopose to be fun .. everyone moves out .. wtf im 25 its the perfect time ,i can afford it . shes getin married .. Witch is a huge deal with me .. even tho my pops is the bigest most anoying person ive come across , i duno with the remarrage shit .. i dunt blame them for shit fooking up 25 years ago but its somthing that in 2004 still errrks me and i have no idea why . im an adult . wtf ..
i always did tell her id be here and i wouldnt leave .. toldher id rasie my kids with her in the house or around i also recall telingmy mom id never marry or anything cause her n i are too perfect for eatch other .. as i sit n write this journal , the tears fall quick frum my eyes im not crying panic tears they are just driping down my face the pain is very strange . my mother and i are more then close and share everything and are in eatch other 100% shit .. all the tyme ..
i just sit n think all the night either heart broken daughter or upset kid i was no matter how i foked up she did soo much and everything she couldfor me no matter the situation .. i cant even sitwith her now for too long without wanting to break down and cry i know shefeels tha same way . but im jsut not looking as forward to this as i want to be i want to be more exited i sit n realise when i write in this pc next thursday i will be in my place .. and it heart ackin .. my new place rocks its very nice perfect for me .. its this feeling as if somone dyed is all i can explain .. uncontrolable heartach. shes been my best freind threwout my whole life i never ask people for anththing she went frum my mom to my most insanley best freind eveR , always in the room next to me that right now i see is not abig deal but she needs to move on with life i need to get on my way and dew mything and it takes my brealth away thinkingabout not coming home to her everyday after literaly 25 years of coming home to her face and her greetings ..
and i know i will be okay i know im totaly capable of this as longas my emtions grab hold and just stop ..(i jsut want the crying to stop ) .. iwish men could understand things i know kery understand she told me shed be a mess . but i cant i cant not stop crying at night when im alone durignthe day between my clients between goin to bed jsut watchinganything .. jesus its soo baybeish redicliouse.
ahh ...
i think im goin to be ljing alot more off on my own ..... and im gonna need to get a keep up on my buddyes cause ive been awful and not readin as i should be and getin to se sum other comnuities on here ..
and im sorry ...
hope everyone is well im sorry if this tok up space on ure pages ! im too lazy to