this isnt what i wanted to tell you..this is something else
I discovered my new self today. In the sun shining on my bed. I initially layed down to take a nap but too many thoughts collected in my mind. There's so much going on in my life right now. I've been acting childish too.
I'd like to apologize for being so selfish and crude. I blame things and not myself. I'm glad I realized it so quickly. I want to be a good person like I used to.
I do miss you. Its hard to accept certain things. I'm getting stonger. I face each day in knowing we'll be friends. I'm sorry that I said it was easier for you cause of your meds. I wasn't being a good friend. And no, I haven't given up on life or love. It's actually what I live for.
I guess I'm afraid. I'm really, really scared. My life's about to change in the fall when I go off to school. I'm not completely ready and I'm gonna be all alone down there.
I don't regret drinking over the weekend. Because it made me realize how dumb and completely lame it is. I didn't even have fun. Unless you consider a fat ugly kid from school groping you and throwing up and blacking out fun.
The experience has made me wiser. I've grown from it. I won't drink like that ever again. It also made me realize how nasty cigarettes are. I'm so allergic to them, and so many of my friends smoke. I don't want to die.
I met Cael. She's nice. Hung out with some cool people too. I also cut Jimmy from ECS's hair. It looks hella good. And I hung out tons with Ben.
[In case anyone is wondering--I'm not interested in Ben--or anyone for that matter. I actually need some time to myself right now. Time to sort stuff out and think. Although that hasn't done much good seeing as how what I did this afternoon was really bad. But Ben is "just a guy I've been hangin' out with".]
I went into Hot Topic tonight just to talk to some friends that work there. The manager told me to apply. So I grabbed an application. Then on my way out one of the guys I don't really know that well walked out with me, grabbed my application, and whispered, "Make sure you fill this part out--pointed to the back page--and you'll definetly get the job" winked at me, and walked back to work. It was strange I tell you.
I want to be a singer for a band. I'm thinking Indie/Emo/Hardcore..or a band like Orgy?! <3
I'd like to apologize for being so selfish and crude. I blame things and not myself. I'm glad I realized it so quickly. I want to be a good person like I used to.
I do miss you. Its hard to accept certain things. I'm getting stonger. I face each day in knowing we'll be friends. I'm sorry that I said it was easier for you cause of your meds. I wasn't being a good friend. And no, I haven't given up on life or love. It's actually what I live for.
I guess I'm afraid. I'm really, really scared. My life's about to change in the fall when I go off to school. I'm not completely ready and I'm gonna be all alone down there.
I don't regret drinking over the weekend. Because it made me realize how dumb and completely lame it is. I didn't even have fun. Unless you consider a fat ugly kid from school groping you and throwing up and blacking out fun.
The experience has made me wiser. I've grown from it. I won't drink like that ever again. It also made me realize how nasty cigarettes are. I'm so allergic to them, and so many of my friends smoke. I don't want to die.
I met Cael. She's nice. Hung out with some cool people too. I also cut Jimmy from ECS's hair. It looks hella good. And I hung out tons with Ben.
[In case anyone is wondering--I'm not interested in Ben--or anyone for that matter. I actually need some time to myself right now. Time to sort stuff out and think. Although that hasn't done much good seeing as how what I did this afternoon was really bad. But Ben is "just a guy I've been hangin' out with".]
I went into Hot Topic tonight just to talk to some friends that work there. The manager told me to apply. So I grabbed an application. Then on my way out one of the guys I don't really know that well walked out with me, grabbed my application, and whispered, "Make sure you fill this part out--pointed to the back page--and you'll definetly get the job" winked at me, and walked back to work. It was strange I tell you.
I want to be a singer for a band. I'm thinking Indie/Emo/Hardcore..or a band like Orgy?! <3