No..not again (FINAL)
Title: no..not again (FINAL)
Rating: G
A/N: Finally the final chapter..
thank you to everyone that have been reading and commenting throughout this story..
enjoy reading, sorry for all the mistakes
comments, critics and suggestion are welcome..
Please ignore all medical related things in this fic..
most of it are fictional.. sorry^^
He tries to call Chansung again and again hoping he’ll get an answer but fails to get one. With a flashlight on his hand he continue walking while keep on trying to call his missing dongsaeng. After walking for a few minutes he heard a faint sound from a distance. Junsu stops and flashes the light to where he thinks the sound came but sees nothing. He shuts his phone and notices the soft sound stopped too.
Could it be ...?
He calls again and this time he hears the sound again. The worried hyung’s eyes widen when he realizes the sound came from Chansung’s phone.
It’s his ringtone!
He quickens his steps to a run while praying that Chansung are fine. Please God let him be okay. Upon getting closer, he can see a glimpse of a body lying on the ground, unmoving. Still running, Junsu called Junho’s phone.
“Junho-yah I found him. He’s at the place where we found him last time. Call the others! Hurry!” Junsu says the moment Junho answers the phone. He cuts the call before the younger one has any chance to reply.
“Chansung!” He shouts hoping that the boy can hear him. Junsu slides to a stop in front of Chansung. He rolls the unconscious boy on his back slowly and sees that his eyes are closed. Heart pounding hard, he leans his head closer to the unmoving boy’s mouth and he can hear a faint wheezing. It’s there but it’s weak. Thank God. With hands on Chansung’s chest and arm, Junsu shakes the boy.
“Chan, Chansung! Can you hear me? Wake up! Please...” A tear drops from the older boy’s eye. The boy in front of him still doesn’t give any response.
“Hyung!” Junsu hears several voices and running footsteps ahead. Looking up he sees his other members approaching. The boys now stood around him while Junho sits in front of him looking like he has been crying. “Hyung? Is he...? Chan..”
Wooyoung sits beside the other maknae and hold him when he starts to shake Chansung’s body.
“Junho, stop, he’s not. Listen..” Junho stops and hears the weak wheezing coming from Chansung. Nickhun is calling for an ambulance while Taecyeon takes off his jacket. The tall boy kneels beside Junsu and drapes his jacket on the unconscious boy.
“Hyung, Khun is calling for help.” He informs his hyung. Junsu nods.
Without saying a word, the Junbros know what to do. Junho holds Chansung’s head while Junsu takes the inhaler from his pocket, and sprays into Chansung’s mouth hoping to ease his breathing. Though Junsu doesn’t know if he’s doing it right, he keeps spraying the inhaler bit by bit into Chansung’s mouth. It’s their last hope to revive the maknae. If this doesn’t work, they don’t know what will. Junsu sprays a few times and waits. Wooyoung starts to cry, so Taecyeon put his arm around his shoulder, both wanting comfort. All the while, Taec keeps staring at Chansung hoping for a miracle and feeling guilty about what he said to Chansung earlier. Khun is relaying their locations to the 911 operator. Ambulance is on its way. Junsu sprays the inhaler again, waits for a few seconds then sprays again. Junho keeps whispering to the maknae. A few minutes passed by. Color starts to return to Chansung’s face, and his breathing becomes a little easier though the wheezing can still be heard.
Chansung’s eyes flutters open slowly. He looks around and sees people around him. Am I dead? He can feel strong hands supporting his upper torso, in a leaning position, keeping him from falling backwards. Someone is talking to him, but he didn’t know who or what it is. Trying to open his eyes, he focuses on the person in front of him but fails. He closes his eyes again.Why are my eyelids so heavy? He frowns.
“Chansung-ah, you with us?” Chansung hears someone calling him. I know that voice.
“Chansungie... Open your eyes.” Junsu-hyung? I’m alive? He feels a hand slapping his cheeks softly. Ow, that hurts...
“Hyung, his inhaler. Keep going.” Then he realizes that he was wheezing. Can’t breathe.
“Okay. Chansung, when I count to three, I need you to take a deep breath for me alright? Yah, you hear me? Open your eyes!” Chansung finds it hurts to nod, so he moans a little as a “yes” sign. He flinches a little when something was trusted into his mouth.
“It’s okay... its your inhaler.” Chansung relaxes.
“Alright. 1, 2, 3, breathe.” Junsu presses the inhaler. They fail at the first attempt and Chansung ends up coughing hard.
“It’s okay you’re doing good. We’ll try again.” Junsu wipes the tears that fell from Chansung’s eyes, while trying to hold back his own. Seeing the maknae so helpless like this breaks his heart into a million pieces. Taecyeon kneels next to Chan and patted him on the back while he coughs.
“… can’t.. hurts..” Chansung wheeze. His head falls back against Junho’s arms, completely limp. Junho adjusts Chansung’s position so that the boy is leaning on his body. This time Wooyoung kneels next to his floormate.
“C’mon Chan, you can do this. We’re all here with you. Don’t let us down, OK? Please.” Hearing this, the maknae gathers his strength and tries again.
“Ready? 1, 2, 3, breathe.” They succeed this time. The wheezing slows. He can breathes much easier now. After a while, he opens his eyes.
“Good job, Channie” says his hyungs.
“H..yung.. I’m.. I’m sorry.. I..” Chansung pants.
“Hey.. relax, alright. No harm done. We’ll talk about this later. Don’t stress yourself.” Junsu says while tightening the jacket around his dongsaeng’s body.
“..but...” Chansung protests.
“Save your energy Chan, the ambulance is on its way. We’ll talk when you’re better.” Junsu insists. The moment Chansung hears the word Ambulance, images of a white room and the smell of disinfectant come to his mind. He immediately struggles against his hyungs hold.
“no.. please.. don’t.. wan’t to..” Taecyeon holds the maknae down. It wasn’t difficult as Chansung’s struggle is pretty weak.
“Woah Channie, relax. Don’t get up. You dont have to alright. Just relax or you’re only going to tire yourself more.” Hearing the assurance from Taecyeon, Chansung calms down and slumps back on to Junho’s chest.
“Wanna.. go back.. please.. no more.. hospital..” When Wooyoung was about to protest, Junsu puts his hand on his shoulder and says to Chansung,
“Alright, we’ll get you home. But I need you to stand. Can you do it?”
The maknae gives a weak nod, while Wooyoung argues “but hyung...”
Nickhun who seems to understand his hyung’s plan butts in while giving a look to Wooyoung.
“Let’s help Chan, Woo.” Confused, he complies.
Junho supports Chansung from behind while Khun and Taec help him stand. Wooyoung, who still can’t believes his hyung’s action, approaches the eldest.
“Hyung are you sure..?” Before he can finish, his hyung looks at him and whispers,
“just wait for it..” Looking up he sees Chansung walks two steps before collapsing. The others lower the now unconscious boy slowly to the ground. Siren is approaching...
_______________________________________________
It’s been almost two weeks since that night. Chansung has been unconscious in the hospital for 3 days. “He needs rest. His body overworked. Looking at his past history, you shouldn’t have let him strain himself. He’ll come around when he’s ready.” The doctor assured them when the boys expressed their concern that their maknae is still not awake. “What history?” They asked each other, not knowing what the doctor talked about. They decide to discuss it with Chansung when he’s well.
Unfortunately, their schedule has to run as usual. “Let’s do this for Chansung.” Taec once said when their manager told them their schedule. They don’t have time to visit their maknae after he’s regain consciousness, and when they did, Chansung is either having a therapy or sleeping. But they make sure that he knows they did visit him. Once, a tired Chansung falls asleep after his therapy woke up to post-it notes all over his body. The nurses got quite a shock. Other than that they call him every day. Today, the doctor discharge him but he still needs to come for a check up twice a week until he is fully recovered. He is advised to not participate in strenuous activities for at least a month. He was lucky, last time it takes longer.
“Chansung-ah, you ready to get out from here?” Minjae came asking after clearing some paperwork. “I’ve been ready since last week hyung.” He smiles. Although he is happy he’s finally leaving the hospital, he feels quite disappointed when his hyungs didn’t come with Minjae. They also haven’t called this past three days. Maybe they’re actually mad at me. Chansung sighs.
“What’s wrong?” Minjae asks while picking up Chansung’s bags.
“Uhh.. nothing.. I’m just glad that I’m leaving.” Chansung gives a small smile.
“Me too Channie-ah.. now let’s go.“
They’re lucky to have escaped the group of fans waiting outside the hospital since news about Chansung’s illness was released. The fans only knew Chansung was hospitalized, but don’t know why. JYPE managed to make it private. On their way back, Chansung didn’t speak a word. He is too worried to face his hyungs. I owe them an explanation but how do I say it. A few minutes later he fell into a light slumber with a frown on his face.
“Chansung-ah, wake up.” The sleeping boy awakes and realizes that they’ve arrived.
“Will you be alright going up alone? I need to head to JYPE fast.” Minjae says in a regretful voice.
“Yeah, hyung. No problem. Thanks for picking me up by the way. See you later!” With that he gets out of the van and up to his dorm.
“Ahh~ I miss home...” he stands a while outside the dorm before entering.
“WELCOME BACK!!” shouts from his hyungs can be heard right after he came in. Something colourful are thrown towards him and in a second he gets the air knocked out of him as someone suddenly launched himself to him and hugs him tight.
“Junho.. can’t.. breathe..” the shorter boy immediately releases him and looks up saying sheepishly,
“Oops, sorry!” Chansung just smile while ruffling the older boy’s hair.
“Yah! I’m your hyung!” Chansung smile wider having missed those words Junho always said when Chansung ruffles his hair. He looks toward his other hyungs. They are all smiling. He moves toward them and bows
“Hyung.” Now it’s his hair being ruffled.
“We miss you, babo.” Junsu says then hugs him. He hugs him back then looks at Taecyeon. “Glad you’re back, Chan...” A thump on his arm by Taec, and Chansung hugs him.
Looking to his right, he sees his other hyung making an annoyed face,
“Ahh~ no more sleeping in the living room by myself anymore.” Wooyoung shakes his head.
“Udong-ah~” Chansung whines and Wooyoung hugs him tight. When the shorter boy releases him, he walks towards Nickhun, “It’s good that you’re back. He keeps bothering me every night.” Nickhun says and hugs the maknae. “Yeah. Miss you too hyung” Chansung chuckles.
“C’mon, let’s eat. You must be hungry.” With that all of them head towards the kitchen.
The boys eat while keeping Chansung up to date about the activities that he had missed. After they’re done eating they move to the living room. They had a day off today, so it’s very relaxing for all of them. Chansung sits on the sofa thinking how he’s going to start explaining things. Some of the boys are still laughing at something Taecyeon said when Junho notices Chansung has been silent and looks a bit unsettled.
“Chansung-ah, what’s wrong?” This brings the boys attention to the two maknaes. All eyes are on Chansung now. He took a moment before answering,
“I’m sorry...” with eyes cast down and voice almost whispering.
Silence fills the room before Taec starts to speak, “Hey, it’s not your fault. Actually, I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.” Chansung jerks his head up and looks at his hyung.
“What? No.. you’ve done nothing wrong hyung. It’s me who..” The confused boy stops when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Looking to the right, he sees Junsu shakes his head. Guilt plastered all over his face. “No Chan, we all did.” When Chansung shakes his head hesitantly, the older boy takes something out from his pocket.
“Here..” The maknae takes the inhaler and looks back at his hyung.
“I found it in the practice room. I’m sorry. If I had given it to you earlier, you wouldn’t be so sick and things wouldn’t turn so bad. You could die and it’s all my fault.” Junsu confesses. “But hyung, you didn’t know..” Chansung can’t let Junsu takes the guilt. Junsu continues,
“I suspected it. I should have just asked you instead of waiting for you to tell us. I believe that you’ll tell us when you’re ready. I just want to give you time.”
Chansung was about to reply, when Taec cuts in “I’m sorry too. If it’s not because of what I said that night, you wouldn’t run away and all that wouldn’t have happened. But Chan, I didn’t mean it. I’m worried and I’m mad at myself. We’re close but I didn’t notice something is going on with you.”
He didn’t have a chance to say anything to Taec when Wooyoung continues “I’m also sorry Chan. Sorry for snapping at you that day. I know it just adds to your stress. It’s just that it frustrates me seeing you like that and can’t do anything about it. But I still shouldn’t have shout at you, you were in shock.. So, I’m sorry.” Chansung looks down and shake his head. I can’t believe they’re blaming themselves. It’s nobody’s fault but me!
“Stop it!”
Everyone is shocked by the maknae’s outburst. Chansung stands up. “If there’s a person to be blamed it would be ME. I’m the one who has been hiding things. I’m the one who was too stubborn thinking I could handle this alone.” Looking at his hyungs, Chansung continues, first to Junsu.
“Hyung, you didn’t know back then that I’m sick, and if I just confessed to you when you ask me if I had lost anything before, I would have had my inhaler and things wouldn’t turn out that way. I want to thank you for believing in me and giving me time to confess, but I’m sorry for betraying that trust.” He turns to Taecyeon. “Taecyeon hyung, what you said is the truth. I AM a coward. I’m too scared to tell my problem just because I’m afraid that if you guys knew that I’m sick, you would think that I’m weak and leave me out. I should have known better that you guys would never do that.”
Then he turns to Wooyoung. “Udong-ah, I’m really sorry for being rude to you. No matter what was wrong, you are still older than me. I should never have shouted at you. You’re showing concern, but I shoved you away. So I deserve to be scolded at.”
Now the other two left is Nickhun and Junho. “Khun hyung, thanks for everything you did that day. I don’t know what would have happened if you’re not there. You remain calm throughout. I’m sorry I didn’t thank you earlier.”He turns to his left to face Junho.
“And Junho-yah, it must be hard for you to keep the secret from hyungs. Sorry for burdening you and for not keeping my promise.” Chansung looks down at the floor and let out a big sigh. Looking up, he walks to the center of the room and faces his hyungs.
“Thanks a lot for saving my life. I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for all of you. And I want to say that I’m sorry. You told me so many times that we’re brothers, and if any of us has problem we’ll handle it together. But I still kept it from you. I’m a bad dongsaeng. I just don’t want to cause any more trouble because we have more important things to worry about. But it turns out, I AM the trouble. I’m really sorry.” Chansung bows low to his hyungs.
Junho gets up and leads Chansung back to his seat. “Chansung-ah, there’s no need for that. We’re all at fault here.” The shorter boy says while patting Chansung’s shoulder.
“Yeah, Ho’s right Chan, so there’s no need for you to take all the blame. If you’re a bad dongsaeng, than we’re bad hyungs. We should be more concerned that something is wrong with you, so we’re really sorry for that. But we can’t help you if you’re being secretive and avoiding us. It works both ways, you know. You don’t have to thank us, we’re brothers. Brothers look out for each other. You would do the same for any of us. We all would.” All members nod to Khun’s words. Chansung nods his head slowly, eyes cast down.
“Now this thing has been cleared, let just put this away as a bad memory and a lesson for us so that things like this won’t happen again in the future.” A chorus of agreement come from the boys. The tension surrounding the room has now calms a little and silence fills the room.
“Chansung-ah” Junho starts hesitantly. Chansung turns to look at Junho.
“Can you tell us what happened? I mean what’s wrong with you... and how did you get... it?” All members looked at Chansung with the same questioning looks.
When Junho sees Chansung’s changed expression he quickly added,
“No, forget I ask. You don’t have to tell us.” The questioning looks turned to disappointment. Seeing this, Chansung straightened up and says,
“It’s fine Ho, I promised you remember? And I guess I owe you guys that much.”
With that Chansung begins to tell the things he had been hiding which had caused so much trouble to all of them. “Ever since I was a kid, my family and I always went to the beach on weekends. And each time, I’ll swim in the ocean but never out of my family’s sight. One time, a few years ago, I got really bored and decided to swim a little further. However, things didn’t turn out so good. One moment I was swimming freely and suddenly I can’t move my legs. I panicked...” Chansung’s hands trembles and he shuts his eyes tight not wanting to go through the experience again.
“Chan, it’s alright you don’t have to do this” Junho says while holding Chan’s clenched fist.
The maknae opens his eyes and shook his head saying “No, I have to do this.”
Taking a deep breath he continues with a shaking voice “I started to sink into the water, and back up again. I yelled for help but the water keeps getting into my mouth. I could only move my hands. I couldn’t breathe! I don’t know how long I flailed in the water but it felt like ages. I was really scared because there’s no one there to help me. No matter how hard I tried getting back up I keep sinking.”
Chansung’s breath quickens but calms a little when he feels a hand rubbing his back. Nodding his head to his hyung he continues “I began to feel really tired. I can’t move my arms any longer, can’t keep my eyes open anymore, and it’s like my body weighs a tonne. I let myself sink and surrendered to whatever fate awaits me. I thought I felt someone pulling me up, but I don’t remember anything then. The next thing I know, I’m awake, panicking in a hospital. My mom told me I was in and out of consciousness, and I kept asking ‘where is he’. But I don’t remember any of it. She also said my family found me on the shore unconscious, when they were looking for me. But there was no one around.”
“So someone saved you. Do you know him?” Junsu asked.
“I don’t know. Nobody knows. I feel really bad for not remembering whoever that person is. After that, I kept having the same dream where I’m drowning and there’s a guy saving me. But I always wake up when I’m about to see his face. However, I remembered that the guy wore a necklace that has a circular ring with a letter in the middle of it.” Chansung sighs.
“Don’t worry Chan, you’ll meet him again someday. Well, as they said, when you save a life you are then responsible for it.” Khun said, not liking the defeated look on his dongsaeng’s face.
“I hope you’re right hyung. I really need to thank him for saving my life.” The younger boy smiles a little.
“What happened to you after that?” Wooyoung asked after being silent the whole time.
“Well, it took me a long time to recover. After I’ve been discharged, I need to do a follow up every week until the doctor clears me. The treatment, well, I got to say it’s no fun. One day, I ran from home because I don’t want to go to the hospital, and hid somewhere where my parents can’t find me. On my way back, it rained heavily but still I ran back in the cold rain to my house. The next day, I’m back in the hospital because of a high fever and breathing difficulties. Apparently my lungs can’t handle the strain yet. Because of this and the drowning accident, it took me longer to heal than it should be. My lungs weakened, and I became kinda asthmatic. I get tired easily, and a little flu can send me straight back to the hospital. I used to be an active boy but all of it changed after that incident. I became passive as I no longer hang out with my friends. It’s a hard time for not just me, but my parents as well. They need to work longer hours to support my therapy and all that. Seeing how this is taking its toll on them, I decided that I’ll do whatever it takes to recover so they won’t have to worry about me anymore. Thankfully after a few months, the nightmare’s over. I recover fully and life goes on as usual.”
“Why did you hide this from us?” Nickhun questions his dongsaeng.
“I thought it’s not going to be that bad and I could handle it myself. Plus, if I told you, I know I’ll be like that passive little boy again. Seeing as how it’s affecting my parents, I don’t want it to happen to you guys too. But I guess I have to go through that all over again now. I’m so sorry hyungs.” Chansung drop his head dejectedly.
“Hey, don’t be like that. How many times should we tell you, that brothers look out for each other? We don’t mind Channie-ah. We know you can do this. You’re the toughest person that I know. If one person could get through this, it would be you. And remember that you’re not alone. We’re going to help you in any way we can.” Junho consoles his friend.
Letting out a tired sigh, Chansung smiles and let out a soft “Thanks, hyung” before slumping back to the sofa, head lolling on the backrest. He looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes for a while to compose himself. By now, the members knew about his condition. They also knew their maknae has been through a long road of recovery after the drowning incident trauma. They’re really proud of him. Because of his spirit, Chansung manages to overcome the problem and are able to fully recover. It’s just unfortunate for him, that because of their hectic activities, the bitter-cold weather and all the stress of promotions, the trauma resurfaced after a long time. The room once again fell silent when everyone is lost in their own thoughts.
“Hey Chan, no more hiding things if something is wrong, alright?” Taecyeon, who is the first one to snap out from his thoughts, said. When no answer came from the younger boy, he calls “Chan?” The sound of his voice brings all the members’ attention back to the room.
“Ah~ he’s asleep.” says Junho after checking on the boy who is sitting beside him. All members release the breath that they didn’t realize they’re holding. The JunBros adjust Chansung’s position so that he’s more comfortable, and Wooyoung drapes a blanket over him.
“So, what’s going to happen now?” Wooyoung asks randomly to his fellow members.
“Let him rest for now. He must be really tired. We’ll discuss everything later, we have lots of time to do it. But one thing is for sure, we can’t let him participate in stressing activities for a while. We’ll talk to JYP later. Another thing,” Taec stresses “From now on, we need to take care of each other better. This should not be happening again.” Hearing their hyung’s word they all agreed.
“Yeah, Okay.”
“Now let’s go to sleep. It’s late already.” Looking one more time at the sleeping maknae, they said their goodnights and head to bed.
__________________________________________________
The dorm is silent. Its entire resident is sound asleep except for one person. He can’t seem to fall asleep as Chansung’s story still plays in his mind. Something triggers a memory on the back of his head. Letting out a sigh he gets up from his bed and walks out of his room. He walks silently to the living room to check up on the maknae. Looking at the sleeping boy, he thought Thank God Woo sleeps in his room tonight. He kneels beside the sofa and watches him closely. He sees Chansung frowning and restless a little. He strokes the boy’s hair softly hoping it will calm him. I guess a promise is a promise after all huh. He pulls out the necklace (now ring-less) inside his shirt and holds it tightly and whispers,
“I’m not going to leave you...”
Right after he said the words, he sees the boy he had saved years ago smile in his sleep. He smiles back.
________________________________________________________
Water. He feels really calm whenever he is in it. He loves the way it flows around him. He can see his family eating and laughing happily on the shore. He smiles and waves to them as he continues his swim a little further than usual. Suddenly he can’t move his legs. Panicking, he begins flailing his arms hoping someone will notice and help him.
“Help...”
He sinks into the water and comes back up again. “Please...someone...help me!” After several minutes he can‘t take it anymore. His lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen and he feels dead tired. He starts to sink slowly into the water. He feels numb, he stopped struggling. All he can see is darkness.
Cough... cough...
“That’s it, get all the water out from your lungs. Can you hear me? Wake up...”
Still confused, he starts to struggle, weakly. He feels a pair of strong arms holding him down when he tries to sit up.
“Common kid, you’re safe.”
He opens his eyes a fraction, blinking when he sees someone looming over him. He can’t see his saviour’s face clearly and has to blink his eyes against the shining necklace hanging on the person’s neck. It has a round ring with a letter in the middle of it. He begins to panic when he sees his saviour gets up to leave, and he wanted to shout ‘no! Please don’t leave me!’ but his voice won’t come out. He weakly grabs the guy’s hand instead. As he feels himself falling into unconsciousness, he heard his saviour’s promise,
“it’s alright, I’m not going to leave you...”
Rating: G
A/N: Finally the final chapter..
thank you to everyone that have been reading and commenting throughout this story..
enjoy reading, sorry for all the mistakes
comments, critics and suggestion are welcome..
Please ignore all medical related things in this fic..
most of it are fictional.. sorry^^
He tries to call Chansung again and again hoping he’ll get an answer but fails to get one. With a flashlight on his hand he continue walking while keep on trying to call his missing dongsaeng. After walking for a few minutes he heard a faint sound from a distance. Junsu stops and flashes the light to where he thinks the sound came but sees nothing. He shuts his phone and notices the soft sound stopped too.
Could it be ...?
He calls again and this time he hears the sound again. The worried hyung’s eyes widen when he realizes the sound came from Chansung’s phone.
It’s his ringtone!
He quickens his steps to a run while praying that Chansung are fine. Please God let him be okay. Upon getting closer, he can see a glimpse of a body lying on the ground, unmoving. Still running, Junsu called Junho’s phone.
“Junho-yah I found him. He’s at the place where we found him last time. Call the others! Hurry!” Junsu says the moment Junho answers the phone. He cuts the call before the younger one has any chance to reply.
“Chansung!” He shouts hoping that the boy can hear him. Junsu slides to a stop in front of Chansung. He rolls the unconscious boy on his back slowly and sees that his eyes are closed. Heart pounding hard, he leans his head closer to the unmoving boy’s mouth and he can hear a faint wheezing. It’s there but it’s weak. Thank God. With hands on Chansung’s chest and arm, Junsu shakes the boy.
“Chan, Chansung! Can you hear me? Wake up! Please...” A tear drops from the older boy’s eye. The boy in front of him still doesn’t give any response.
“Hyung!” Junsu hears several voices and running footsteps ahead. Looking up he sees his other members approaching. The boys now stood around him while Junho sits in front of him looking like he has been crying. “Hyung? Is he...? Chan..”
Wooyoung sits beside the other maknae and hold him when he starts to shake Chansung’s body.
“Junho, stop, he’s not. Listen..” Junho stops and hears the weak wheezing coming from Chansung. Nickhun is calling for an ambulance while Taecyeon takes off his jacket. The tall boy kneels beside Junsu and drapes his jacket on the unconscious boy.
“Hyung, Khun is calling for help.” He informs his hyung. Junsu nods.
Without saying a word, the Junbros know what to do. Junho holds Chansung’s head while Junsu takes the inhaler from his pocket, and sprays into Chansung’s mouth hoping to ease his breathing. Though Junsu doesn’t know if he’s doing it right, he keeps spraying the inhaler bit by bit into Chansung’s mouth. It’s their last hope to revive the maknae. If this doesn’t work, they don’t know what will. Junsu sprays a few times and waits. Wooyoung starts to cry, so Taecyeon put his arm around his shoulder, both wanting comfort. All the while, Taec keeps staring at Chansung hoping for a miracle and feeling guilty about what he said to Chansung earlier. Khun is relaying their locations to the 911 operator. Ambulance is on its way. Junsu sprays the inhaler again, waits for a few seconds then sprays again. Junho keeps whispering to the maknae. A few minutes passed by. Color starts to return to Chansung’s face, and his breathing becomes a little easier though the wheezing can still be heard.
Chansung’s eyes flutters open slowly. He looks around and sees people around him. Am I dead? He can feel strong hands supporting his upper torso, in a leaning position, keeping him from falling backwards. Someone is talking to him, but he didn’t know who or what it is. Trying to open his eyes, he focuses on the person in front of him but fails. He closes his eyes again.Why are my eyelids so heavy? He frowns.
“Chansung-ah, you with us?” Chansung hears someone calling him. I know that voice.
“Chansungie... Open your eyes.” Junsu-hyung? I’m alive? He feels a hand slapping his cheeks softly. Ow, that hurts...
“Hyung, his inhaler. Keep going.” Then he realizes that he was wheezing. Can’t breathe.
“Okay. Chansung, when I count to three, I need you to take a deep breath for me alright? Yah, you hear me? Open your eyes!” Chansung finds it hurts to nod, so he moans a little as a “yes” sign. He flinches a little when something was trusted into his mouth.
“It’s okay... its your inhaler.” Chansung relaxes.
“Alright. 1, 2, 3, breathe.” Junsu presses the inhaler. They fail at the first attempt and Chansung ends up coughing hard.
“It’s okay you’re doing good. We’ll try again.” Junsu wipes the tears that fell from Chansung’s eyes, while trying to hold back his own. Seeing the maknae so helpless like this breaks his heart into a million pieces. Taecyeon kneels next to Chan and patted him on the back while he coughs.
“… can’t.. hurts..” Chansung wheeze. His head falls back against Junho’s arms, completely limp. Junho adjusts Chansung’s position so that the boy is leaning on his body. This time Wooyoung kneels next to his floormate.
“C’mon Chan, you can do this. We’re all here with you. Don’t let us down, OK? Please.” Hearing this, the maknae gathers his strength and tries again.
“Ready? 1, 2, 3, breathe.” They succeed this time. The wheezing slows. He can breathes much easier now. After a while, he opens his eyes.
“Good job, Channie” says his hyungs.
“H..yung.. I’m.. I’m sorry.. I..” Chansung pants.
“Hey.. relax, alright. No harm done. We’ll talk about this later. Don’t stress yourself.” Junsu says while tightening the jacket around his dongsaeng’s body.
“..but...” Chansung protests.
“Save your energy Chan, the ambulance is on its way. We’ll talk when you’re better.” Junsu insists. The moment Chansung hears the word Ambulance, images of a white room and the smell of disinfectant come to his mind. He immediately struggles against his hyungs hold.
“no.. please.. don’t.. wan’t to..” Taecyeon holds the maknae down. It wasn’t difficult as Chansung’s struggle is pretty weak.
“Woah Channie, relax. Don’t get up. You dont have to alright. Just relax or you’re only going to tire yourself more.” Hearing the assurance from Taecyeon, Chansung calms down and slumps back on to Junho’s chest.
“Wanna.. go back.. please.. no more.. hospital..” When Wooyoung was about to protest, Junsu puts his hand on his shoulder and says to Chansung,
“Alright, we’ll get you home. But I need you to stand. Can you do it?”
The maknae gives a weak nod, while Wooyoung argues “but hyung...”
Nickhun who seems to understand his hyung’s plan butts in while giving a look to Wooyoung.
“Let’s help Chan, Woo.” Confused, he complies.
Junho supports Chansung from behind while Khun and Taec help him stand. Wooyoung, who still can’t believes his hyung’s action, approaches the eldest.
“Hyung are you sure..?” Before he can finish, his hyung looks at him and whispers,
“just wait for it..” Looking up he sees Chansung walks two steps before collapsing. The others lower the now unconscious boy slowly to the ground. Siren is approaching...
_______________________________________________
It’s been almost two weeks since that night. Chansung has been unconscious in the hospital for 3 days. “He needs rest. His body overworked. Looking at his past history, you shouldn’t have let him strain himself. He’ll come around when he’s ready.” The doctor assured them when the boys expressed their concern that their maknae is still not awake. “What history?” They asked each other, not knowing what the doctor talked about. They decide to discuss it with Chansung when he’s well.
Unfortunately, their schedule has to run as usual. “Let’s do this for Chansung.” Taec once said when their manager told them their schedule. They don’t have time to visit their maknae after he’s regain consciousness, and when they did, Chansung is either having a therapy or sleeping. But they make sure that he knows they did visit him. Once, a tired Chansung falls asleep after his therapy woke up to post-it notes all over his body. The nurses got quite a shock. Other than that they call him every day. Today, the doctor discharge him but he still needs to come for a check up twice a week until he is fully recovered. He is advised to not participate in strenuous activities for at least a month. He was lucky, last time it takes longer.
“Chansung-ah, you ready to get out from here?” Minjae came asking after clearing some paperwork. “I’ve been ready since last week hyung.” He smiles. Although he is happy he’s finally leaving the hospital, he feels quite disappointed when his hyungs didn’t come with Minjae. They also haven’t called this past three days. Maybe they’re actually mad at me. Chansung sighs.
“What’s wrong?” Minjae asks while picking up Chansung’s bags.
“Uhh.. nothing.. I’m just glad that I’m leaving.” Chansung gives a small smile.
“Me too Channie-ah.. now let’s go.“
They’re lucky to have escaped the group of fans waiting outside the hospital since news about Chansung’s illness was released. The fans only knew Chansung was hospitalized, but don’t know why. JYPE managed to make it private. On their way back, Chansung didn’t speak a word. He is too worried to face his hyungs. I owe them an explanation but how do I say it. A few minutes later he fell into a light slumber with a frown on his face.
“Chansung-ah, wake up.” The sleeping boy awakes and realizes that they’ve arrived.
“Will you be alright going up alone? I need to head to JYPE fast.” Minjae says in a regretful voice.
“Yeah, hyung. No problem. Thanks for picking me up by the way. See you later!” With that he gets out of the van and up to his dorm.
“Ahh~ I miss home...” he stands a while outside the dorm before entering.
“WELCOME BACK!!” shouts from his hyungs can be heard right after he came in. Something colourful are thrown towards him and in a second he gets the air knocked out of him as someone suddenly launched himself to him and hugs him tight.
“Junho.. can’t.. breathe..” the shorter boy immediately releases him and looks up saying sheepishly,
“Oops, sorry!” Chansung just smile while ruffling the older boy’s hair.
“Yah! I’m your hyung!” Chansung smile wider having missed those words Junho always said when Chansung ruffles his hair. He looks toward his other hyungs. They are all smiling. He moves toward them and bows
“Hyung.” Now it’s his hair being ruffled.
“We miss you, babo.” Junsu says then hugs him. He hugs him back then looks at Taecyeon. “Glad you’re back, Chan...” A thump on his arm by Taec, and Chansung hugs him.
Looking to his right, he sees his other hyung making an annoyed face,
“Ahh~ no more sleeping in the living room by myself anymore.” Wooyoung shakes his head.
“Udong-ah~” Chansung whines and Wooyoung hugs him tight. When the shorter boy releases him, he walks towards Nickhun, “It’s good that you’re back. He keeps bothering me every night.” Nickhun says and hugs the maknae. “Yeah. Miss you too hyung” Chansung chuckles.
“C’mon, let’s eat. You must be hungry.” With that all of them head towards the kitchen.
The boys eat while keeping Chansung up to date about the activities that he had missed. After they’re done eating they move to the living room. They had a day off today, so it’s very relaxing for all of them. Chansung sits on the sofa thinking how he’s going to start explaining things. Some of the boys are still laughing at something Taecyeon said when Junho notices Chansung has been silent and looks a bit unsettled.
“Chansung-ah, what’s wrong?” This brings the boys attention to the two maknaes. All eyes are on Chansung now. He took a moment before answering,
“I’m sorry...” with eyes cast down and voice almost whispering.
Silence fills the room before Taec starts to speak, “Hey, it’s not your fault. Actually, I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.” Chansung jerks his head up and looks at his hyung.
“What? No.. you’ve done nothing wrong hyung. It’s me who..” The confused boy stops when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Looking to the right, he sees Junsu shakes his head. Guilt plastered all over his face. “No Chan, we all did.” When Chansung shakes his head hesitantly, the older boy takes something out from his pocket.
“Here..” The maknae takes the inhaler and looks back at his hyung.
“I found it in the practice room. I’m sorry. If I had given it to you earlier, you wouldn’t be so sick and things wouldn’t turn so bad. You could die and it’s all my fault.” Junsu confesses. “But hyung, you didn’t know..” Chansung can’t let Junsu takes the guilt. Junsu continues,
“I suspected it. I should have just asked you instead of waiting for you to tell us. I believe that you’ll tell us when you’re ready. I just want to give you time.”
Chansung was about to reply, when Taec cuts in “I’m sorry too. If it’s not because of what I said that night, you wouldn’t run away and all that wouldn’t have happened. But Chan, I didn’t mean it. I’m worried and I’m mad at myself. We’re close but I didn’t notice something is going on with you.”
He didn’t have a chance to say anything to Taec when Wooyoung continues “I’m also sorry Chan. Sorry for snapping at you that day. I know it just adds to your stress. It’s just that it frustrates me seeing you like that and can’t do anything about it. But I still shouldn’t have shout at you, you were in shock.. So, I’m sorry.” Chansung looks down and shake his head. I can’t believe they’re blaming themselves. It’s nobody’s fault but me!
“Stop it!”
Everyone is shocked by the maknae’s outburst. Chansung stands up. “If there’s a person to be blamed it would be ME. I’m the one who has been hiding things. I’m the one who was too stubborn thinking I could handle this alone.” Looking at his hyungs, Chansung continues, first to Junsu.
“Hyung, you didn’t know back then that I’m sick, and if I just confessed to you when you ask me if I had lost anything before, I would have had my inhaler and things wouldn’t turn out that way. I want to thank you for believing in me and giving me time to confess, but I’m sorry for betraying that trust.” He turns to Taecyeon. “Taecyeon hyung, what you said is the truth. I AM a coward. I’m too scared to tell my problem just because I’m afraid that if you guys knew that I’m sick, you would think that I’m weak and leave me out. I should have known better that you guys would never do that.”
Then he turns to Wooyoung. “Udong-ah, I’m really sorry for being rude to you. No matter what was wrong, you are still older than me. I should never have shouted at you. You’re showing concern, but I shoved you away. So I deserve to be scolded at.”
Now the other two left is Nickhun and Junho. “Khun hyung, thanks for everything you did that day. I don’t know what would have happened if you’re not there. You remain calm throughout. I’m sorry I didn’t thank you earlier.”He turns to his left to face Junho.
“And Junho-yah, it must be hard for you to keep the secret from hyungs. Sorry for burdening you and for not keeping my promise.” Chansung looks down at the floor and let out a big sigh. Looking up, he walks to the center of the room and faces his hyungs.
“Thanks a lot for saving my life. I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for all of you. And I want to say that I’m sorry. You told me so many times that we’re brothers, and if any of us has problem we’ll handle it together. But I still kept it from you. I’m a bad dongsaeng. I just don’t want to cause any more trouble because we have more important things to worry about. But it turns out, I AM the trouble. I’m really sorry.” Chansung bows low to his hyungs.
Junho gets up and leads Chansung back to his seat. “Chansung-ah, there’s no need for that. We’re all at fault here.” The shorter boy says while patting Chansung’s shoulder.
“Yeah, Ho’s right Chan, so there’s no need for you to take all the blame. If you’re a bad dongsaeng, than we’re bad hyungs. We should be more concerned that something is wrong with you, so we’re really sorry for that. But we can’t help you if you’re being secretive and avoiding us. It works both ways, you know. You don’t have to thank us, we’re brothers. Brothers look out for each other. You would do the same for any of us. We all would.” All members nod to Khun’s words. Chansung nods his head slowly, eyes cast down.
“Now this thing has been cleared, let just put this away as a bad memory and a lesson for us so that things like this won’t happen again in the future.” A chorus of agreement come from the boys. The tension surrounding the room has now calms a little and silence fills the room.
“Chansung-ah” Junho starts hesitantly. Chansung turns to look at Junho.
“Can you tell us what happened? I mean what’s wrong with you... and how did you get... it?” All members looked at Chansung with the same questioning looks.
When Junho sees Chansung’s changed expression he quickly added,
“No, forget I ask. You don’t have to tell us.” The questioning looks turned to disappointment. Seeing this, Chansung straightened up and says,
“It’s fine Ho, I promised you remember? And I guess I owe you guys that much.”
With that Chansung begins to tell the things he had been hiding which had caused so much trouble to all of them. “Ever since I was a kid, my family and I always went to the beach on weekends. And each time, I’ll swim in the ocean but never out of my family’s sight. One time, a few years ago, I got really bored and decided to swim a little further. However, things didn’t turn out so good. One moment I was swimming freely and suddenly I can’t move my legs. I panicked...” Chansung’s hands trembles and he shuts his eyes tight not wanting to go through the experience again.
“Chan, it’s alright you don’t have to do this” Junho says while holding Chan’s clenched fist.
The maknae opens his eyes and shook his head saying “No, I have to do this.”
Taking a deep breath he continues with a shaking voice “I started to sink into the water, and back up again. I yelled for help but the water keeps getting into my mouth. I could only move my hands. I couldn’t breathe! I don’t know how long I flailed in the water but it felt like ages. I was really scared because there’s no one there to help me. No matter how hard I tried getting back up I keep sinking.”
Chansung’s breath quickens but calms a little when he feels a hand rubbing his back. Nodding his head to his hyung he continues “I began to feel really tired. I can’t move my arms any longer, can’t keep my eyes open anymore, and it’s like my body weighs a tonne. I let myself sink and surrendered to whatever fate awaits me. I thought I felt someone pulling me up, but I don’t remember anything then. The next thing I know, I’m awake, panicking in a hospital. My mom told me I was in and out of consciousness, and I kept asking ‘where is he’. But I don’t remember any of it. She also said my family found me on the shore unconscious, when they were looking for me. But there was no one around.”
“So someone saved you. Do you know him?” Junsu asked.
“I don’t know. Nobody knows. I feel really bad for not remembering whoever that person is. After that, I kept having the same dream where I’m drowning and there’s a guy saving me. But I always wake up when I’m about to see his face. However, I remembered that the guy wore a necklace that has a circular ring with a letter in the middle of it.” Chansung sighs.
“Don’t worry Chan, you’ll meet him again someday. Well, as they said, when you save a life you are then responsible for it.” Khun said, not liking the defeated look on his dongsaeng’s face.
“I hope you’re right hyung. I really need to thank him for saving my life.” The younger boy smiles a little.
“What happened to you after that?” Wooyoung asked after being silent the whole time.
“Well, it took me a long time to recover. After I’ve been discharged, I need to do a follow up every week until the doctor clears me. The treatment, well, I got to say it’s no fun. One day, I ran from home because I don’t want to go to the hospital, and hid somewhere where my parents can’t find me. On my way back, it rained heavily but still I ran back in the cold rain to my house. The next day, I’m back in the hospital because of a high fever and breathing difficulties. Apparently my lungs can’t handle the strain yet. Because of this and the drowning accident, it took me longer to heal than it should be. My lungs weakened, and I became kinda asthmatic. I get tired easily, and a little flu can send me straight back to the hospital. I used to be an active boy but all of it changed after that incident. I became passive as I no longer hang out with my friends. It’s a hard time for not just me, but my parents as well. They need to work longer hours to support my therapy and all that. Seeing how this is taking its toll on them, I decided that I’ll do whatever it takes to recover so they won’t have to worry about me anymore. Thankfully after a few months, the nightmare’s over. I recover fully and life goes on as usual.”
“Why did you hide this from us?” Nickhun questions his dongsaeng.
“I thought it’s not going to be that bad and I could handle it myself. Plus, if I told you, I know I’ll be like that passive little boy again. Seeing as how it’s affecting my parents, I don’t want it to happen to you guys too. But I guess I have to go through that all over again now. I’m so sorry hyungs.” Chansung drop his head dejectedly.
“Hey, don’t be like that. How many times should we tell you, that brothers look out for each other? We don’t mind Channie-ah. We know you can do this. You’re the toughest person that I know. If one person could get through this, it would be you. And remember that you’re not alone. We’re going to help you in any way we can.” Junho consoles his friend.
Letting out a tired sigh, Chansung smiles and let out a soft “Thanks, hyung” before slumping back to the sofa, head lolling on the backrest. He looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes for a while to compose himself. By now, the members knew about his condition. They also knew their maknae has been through a long road of recovery after the drowning incident trauma. They’re really proud of him. Because of his spirit, Chansung manages to overcome the problem and are able to fully recover. It’s just unfortunate for him, that because of their hectic activities, the bitter-cold weather and all the stress of promotions, the trauma resurfaced after a long time. The room once again fell silent when everyone is lost in their own thoughts.
“Hey Chan, no more hiding things if something is wrong, alright?” Taecyeon, who is the first one to snap out from his thoughts, said. When no answer came from the younger boy, he calls “Chan?” The sound of his voice brings all the members’ attention back to the room.
“Ah~ he’s asleep.” says Junho after checking on the boy who is sitting beside him. All members release the breath that they didn’t realize they’re holding. The JunBros adjust Chansung’s position so that he’s more comfortable, and Wooyoung drapes a blanket over him.
“So, what’s going to happen now?” Wooyoung asks randomly to his fellow members.
“Let him rest for now. He must be really tired. We’ll discuss everything later, we have lots of time to do it. But one thing is for sure, we can’t let him participate in stressing activities for a while. We’ll talk to JYP later. Another thing,” Taec stresses “From now on, we need to take care of each other better. This should not be happening again.” Hearing their hyung’s word they all agreed.
“Yeah, Okay.”
“Now let’s go to sleep. It’s late already.” Looking one more time at the sleeping maknae, they said their goodnights and head to bed.
__________________________________________________
The dorm is silent. Its entire resident is sound asleep except for one person. He can’t seem to fall asleep as Chansung’s story still plays in his mind. Something triggers a memory on the back of his head. Letting out a sigh he gets up from his bed and walks out of his room. He walks silently to the living room to check up on the maknae. Looking at the sleeping boy, he thought Thank God Woo sleeps in his room tonight. He kneels beside the sofa and watches him closely. He sees Chansung frowning and restless a little. He strokes the boy’s hair softly hoping it will calm him. I guess a promise is a promise after all huh. He pulls out the necklace (now ring-less) inside his shirt and holds it tightly and whispers,
“I’m not going to leave you...”
Right after he said the words, he sees the boy he had saved years ago smile in his sleep. He smiles back.
________________________________________________________
Water. He feels really calm whenever he is in it. He loves the way it flows around him. He can see his family eating and laughing happily on the shore. He smiles and waves to them as he continues his swim a little further than usual. Suddenly he can’t move his legs. Panicking, he begins flailing his arms hoping someone will notice and help him.
“Help...”
He sinks into the water and comes back up again. “Please...someone...help me!” After several minutes he can‘t take it anymore. His lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen and he feels dead tired. He starts to sink slowly into the water. He feels numb, he stopped struggling. All he can see is darkness.
Cough... cough...
“That’s it, get all the water out from your lungs. Can you hear me? Wake up...”
Still confused, he starts to struggle, weakly. He feels a pair of strong arms holding him down when he tries to sit up.
“Common kid, you’re safe.”
He opens his eyes a fraction, blinking when he sees someone looming over him. He can’t see his saviour’s face clearly and has to blink his eyes against the shining necklace hanging on the person’s neck. It has a round ring with a letter in the middle of it. He begins to panic when he sees his saviour gets up to leave, and he wanted to shout ‘no! Please don’t leave me!’ but his voice won’t come out. He weakly grabs the guy’s hand instead. As he feels himself falling into unconsciousness, he heard his saviour’s promise,
“it’s alright, I’m not going to leave you...”