If you're lost when you close your eyes, I'll meet you there - XiuSoo
Title: If you're lost when you close your eyes, I'll meet you there
Genre: romance?? Angst??
Pairing: Minseok/Kyungsoo
Rating: G
Length: Oneshot (1,800w)
Warnings: Gendered slurs, disownment, trans girl Sehun, all minor mentions
Having a partner go so far away was never part of the plan. Especially not for someone as verbally disadvantaged and physically dependant as Do Kyungsoo. And especially not if that partner is someone as reserved and cautious as Kim Minseok.
Kyungsoo kicks his feet as he lies on his stomach in front of his laptop, hauling his pillows under his chest to prop himself up. Minseok leans back in his desk chair, spinning slightly side-to-side and rubbing his eyes.
“What did you do today?” Kyungsoo is regularly told he sounds older than he is, that his childlike face is deceptive to his maturity, but when it comes to Minseok it’s all he can do to not whine. Minseok reminds him that he is not as put-together and responsible as he’d like everyone else to believe.
“Nothing,” Minseok sighs, dropping his hands into his lap. “I woke up. I went to work. I came home from work.”
“Did you eat?” Kyungsoo adjusts his chin in the pillow so his voice is not so muffled.
“Yes,” Minseok says after a pause a split second too broad.
“Minseok.”
Minseok purses his lips. “I had a big lunch.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Kyungsoo, stop.”
Kyungsoo drops his face into the pillow, his hand resting on the keyboard. He fights back a couple of tears before raising his face again. Minseok looks away from the screen, playing with something on the desk and scratching the back of his head.
“I’m going to cook for you when you get back, okay?” Minseok tilts his head and looks like he wants to say something, so Kyungsoo quickly continues. “Something small. No carbs. Just for you. It’ll be great.”
A small smile finds its way onto Minseok’s face. “Okay.”
Kyungsoo nods, rubbing at a spot on the edge of his laptop. He really should clean it at some point. He can feel Minseok watching him, and he thinks about how much easier silence is when Minseok’s hand is in his hair, when his face is in Minseok’s shoulder.
“if I promise to stop scolding you, will you tell me the truth?” he tries to bargain softly, and the amplified crackle of Minseok’s exhalation spits back at him through the MacBook speaker.
“Okay.”
Kyungsoo knows that’s still a lie, this is not a deal that can be made. He knows Minseok is taking the most immediate way out. But he will do his best.
“Well then, I promise to stop scolding you about food and eating,” he whispers, pulling his laptop closer.
Minseok chuckles quietly and Kyungsoo’s lips pull into a smile. His eyes slide down from the image of Minseok’s face as a message pops into the chat box.
3:53am
I want to kiss your cheeks
Kyungsoo pretends he doesn’t blush and buries his face in the pillow again as he touch-types back.
3:53am
I want you to kiss my cheeks…
There is silence for a while and eventually Kyungsoo chances a peek through his hair. Minseok is chewing on his lip, playing with a pencil. “Kyungsoo.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna go to sleep.”
“Okay.” Kyungsoo nestles his cheek into his elbow.
3:59am
I love you.
4:00am
I love you too
“Goodnight, Kyungsoo.”
“Goodnight…”
Kyungsoo wraps his blanket around his shoulders and stares at the blinding screen of his phone, too afraid to touch it.
His romance is not verbal, and neither is Minseok’s. Their romance is in light touches and small smiles and loud laughter and presence and physical reassurance and tight hugs and languid kisses and linked fingers, but it does not reside in long speeches or lengthy confessions.
In the buzzing darkness of the ended Skype call, however, Kyungsoo clenches his trembling jaw and finds he wants to tell Minseok he loves him, over and over until he runs out of time and breath.
12:07am
Can I call you?
12:12am
I’ll call you in a second just let me get out of uniform
12:12am
alright
“So, how was your day?”
Minseok lets out a noise part grunt, part roar. “A customer screamed at one of the waitresses.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. “What? How come?”
Minseok seethes. “She delivered the drink to the wrong place at the right table and the stupid bitch thought she got the order wrong.”
“Holy fuck.”
“All the fucking goddamn sister had to do was say ‘no wait, that’s my drink’, and everything would have been fine,” Minseok snaps, tearing a sticky note to shreds, “But no, she just sat there while this lady called my Joohyun lazy and stupid and irresponsible and worthless in front of the entire restaurant.”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows mash into a triangle. “What did you do?”
Minseok buries his face in his hands. “There’s nothing I could do. We’re not allowed to challenge customers unless they literally refuse to pay. I just gave her a cigarette break and put her in the kitchen for the rest of the shift.” He can feel his anger and frustration coming back full force at the memory, watching silently from the bar, the girl on the verge of tears as she passed him on her way out back. “Chanyeol had to take her section and he is… not good with customers. Or his hands. Or his balance. Or his voice. Or his face. Or-”
“Minseok.”
Minseok clamps his mouth shut, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s in the past.”
“I know.”
“It’s not your fault rich assholes lose their shit over a cocktail.”
“I know, I know.” Minseok sighs. “I just… I just wish I could have done something. She didn’t deserve any of the shit she got tonight. Aren’t I supposed to take care of my staff?”
Kyungsoo twists the hem of his shirt. “They’re not-”
“Sorry?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“No,” Minseok leans his elbows on the desk and shifts his weight forward. “What were you going to say?”
Kyungsoo swallows twice, averting his eyes. “They’re not,” he stammers, “Technically, your staff.”
Minseok stares at him in a long, level gaze that Kyungsoo tries not to meet. He lowers his hands to the keyboard instead.
12:17am
I’m sorry, I realized it was a shitty thing to say as soon as I thought of it…
12:17am
The regular manger is not back for three more months, Kyungsoo. They ARE my staff until December.
Kyungsoo slumps, teeth clamping around the inside of his cheeks. Three months.
12:18am
I just miss you.
“I miss you too.”
Kyungsoo scratches a tally on a sticky note beside his bed.
|||| |||| |||| |||| |||
days since Minseok laughed
Minseok waves as the camera turns on. Kyungsoo is sitting up this time, resting against the bedhead, a mess of pink hair and broad shoulders lying in his lap. His large eyes look larger than usual, rings darkening the sockets, his hands jittery as they gently but firmly trace the spine of the person in his lap.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo says back, twirling a bubblegum lock around his finger. He closes his eyes and drops his head to the side, too exhausted to hold it up straight. Minseok says nothing and Kyungsoo imagines him pressing close, dotting his forehead with tiny kisses. He could do with those right now. He could do with anything comforting right now. He could do with Minseok, right here, right now. But that’s not the sort of thing he says aloud.
“It’s raining,” is what he says instead.
“It’s raining here too,” Minseok says, adjusting his oversized sweater on his shoulders as he spins around on the wheelie-chair, stopping after two revolutions to watch Kyungsoo’s hands. “Is that Sehun?” he asks, as though Kyungsoo would even know of anyone else with hair as bright as that.
Kyungsoo cracks open his eyes and leans over Sehun’s frame.
1:46am
she got kicked out
1:46am
gonna stay with me for a while. All of her other friends live on campus.
1:46am
is she ok?
Kyungsoo pulls back from the keyboard and shakes his head.
3:32am
Finally home. You up for a call?
3:34am
probably not a good idea…
3:34am
it’s been a long day
3:34am
Sehun and I have turned off the lights already
3:34am
Kyungsoo
3:35am
Are you alright?
3:35am
No.
3:35am
Talk to me
3:35am
I had to cover someone’s shift at work today I had to go in at 7am and some fucking child knocked over a shelf and we had to clean it all up and I got yelled at for not serving people fast enough and there was nobody helping me until 10 then I got home finally this evening and I found out Sehun’s fucking brother has been hanging around outside the building all day I don’t know how he found out she was here
3:36am
I burned myself on the rice cooker while I was making dinner and I haven’t even started my essay and Sehun hasn’t stopped crying for two days I don’t know what to do I’m just really fucking tired and I don’t want to deal with Things anymore
3:36am
honestly I could really use a hug
3:37am
imagine I’m there hugging you right now.
3:37am
and that I’m kissing the top of your head.
A fat, heavy tear escapes Kyungsoo’s eye and he angrily swipes it from his nose. Sehun shifts behind him, her grip on his waist tightening slightly. Sehun’s hugs are semi-conscious and lonely and desperate, a far cry from the sturdy and reassuring Minseok hugs he craves. He resists the urge to push her off and lays his hand over hers instead, rubbing his thumb over her wrist.
3:38am
that doesn’t fucking help, Minseok.
3:39am
I’m sorry, I know. I do. I just don’t know how to help.
3:39am
I’m so mad about Sehun’s brother he has some fucking nerve compromising your safety like that
3:40am
…..stab him
Kyungsoo laughs despite himself, wiping a couple more tears away.
3:40am
well if he’s still there in the morning I’ll head out with the carving knife, promise.
3:41am
That’s my Kyungsoo.
3:44am
I’ll be home soon.
3:44am
Not soon
3:45am
2 months, 3 weeks, 1 day
Kyungsoo turns the screen of his phone off as soon as he sends the message, instantly regretting everything. He is not like that. He doesn’t say those sorts of things. It was weird, wrong, overstepping the boundaries they had laid, unspoken, no. he shouldn’t have said that. At all.
He’s scared to check what the return message says.
3:47am
The bed here is a single
3:47am
Still huge without you
Kyungsoo presses his phone to his forehead, gripping tight at Sehun’s wrist as his lip trembles.
5:19am
I love you
5:19am
More than anything
5:20am
I miss you so much it hurts
10:14am
My flight gets in at 12.
10:15am
I’ll be there
A/N: long distance is the worst the absolute fucking worst
Enjoy my self projected angst, feel free to share your stories yo~
i will expand this verse one day i mean i don't miss a chance at trans Sehun
Genre: romance?? Angst??
Pairing: Minseok/Kyungsoo
Rating: G
Length: Oneshot (1,800w)
Warnings: Gendered slurs, disownment, trans girl Sehun, all minor mentions
Having a partner go so far away was never part of the plan. Especially not for someone as verbally disadvantaged and physically dependant as Do Kyungsoo. And especially not if that partner is someone as reserved and cautious as Kim Minseok.
Kyungsoo kicks his feet as he lies on his stomach in front of his laptop, hauling his pillows under his chest to prop himself up. Minseok leans back in his desk chair, spinning slightly side-to-side and rubbing his eyes.
“What did you do today?” Kyungsoo is regularly told he sounds older than he is, that his childlike face is deceptive to his maturity, but when it comes to Minseok it’s all he can do to not whine. Minseok reminds him that he is not as put-together and responsible as he’d like everyone else to believe.
“Nothing,” Minseok sighs, dropping his hands into his lap. “I woke up. I went to work. I came home from work.”
“Did you eat?” Kyungsoo adjusts his chin in the pillow so his voice is not so muffled.
“Yes,” Minseok says after a pause a split second too broad.
“Minseok.”
Minseok purses his lips. “I had a big lunch.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Kyungsoo, stop.”
Kyungsoo drops his face into the pillow, his hand resting on the keyboard. He fights back a couple of tears before raising his face again. Minseok looks away from the screen, playing with something on the desk and scratching the back of his head.
“I’m going to cook for you when you get back, okay?” Minseok tilts his head and looks like he wants to say something, so Kyungsoo quickly continues. “Something small. No carbs. Just for you. It’ll be great.”
A small smile finds its way onto Minseok’s face. “Okay.”
Kyungsoo nods, rubbing at a spot on the edge of his laptop. He really should clean it at some point. He can feel Minseok watching him, and he thinks about how much easier silence is when Minseok’s hand is in his hair, when his face is in Minseok’s shoulder.
“if I promise to stop scolding you, will you tell me the truth?” he tries to bargain softly, and the amplified crackle of Minseok’s exhalation spits back at him through the MacBook speaker.
“Okay.”
Kyungsoo knows that’s still a lie, this is not a deal that can be made. He knows Minseok is taking the most immediate way out. But he will do his best.
“Well then, I promise to stop scolding you about food and eating,” he whispers, pulling his laptop closer.
Minseok chuckles quietly and Kyungsoo’s lips pull into a smile. His eyes slide down from the image of Minseok’s face as a message pops into the chat box.
3:53am
I want to kiss your cheeks
Kyungsoo pretends he doesn’t blush and buries his face in the pillow again as he touch-types back.
3:53am
I want you to kiss my cheeks…
There is silence for a while and eventually Kyungsoo chances a peek through his hair. Minseok is chewing on his lip, playing with a pencil. “Kyungsoo.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna go to sleep.”
“Okay.” Kyungsoo nestles his cheek into his elbow.
3:59am
I love you.
4:00am
I love you too
“Goodnight, Kyungsoo.”
“Goodnight…”
Kyungsoo wraps his blanket around his shoulders and stares at the blinding screen of his phone, too afraid to touch it.
His romance is not verbal, and neither is Minseok’s. Their romance is in light touches and small smiles and loud laughter and presence and physical reassurance and tight hugs and languid kisses and linked fingers, but it does not reside in long speeches or lengthy confessions.
In the buzzing darkness of the ended Skype call, however, Kyungsoo clenches his trembling jaw and finds he wants to tell Minseok he loves him, over and over until he runs out of time and breath.
12:07am
Can I call you?
12:12am
I’ll call you in a second just let me get out of uniform
12:12am
alright
“So, how was your day?”
Minseok lets out a noise part grunt, part roar. “A customer screamed at one of the waitresses.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. “What? How come?”
Minseok seethes. “She delivered the drink to the wrong place at the right table and the stupid bitch thought she got the order wrong.”
“Holy fuck.”
“All the fucking goddamn sister had to do was say ‘no wait, that’s my drink’, and everything would have been fine,” Minseok snaps, tearing a sticky note to shreds, “But no, she just sat there while this lady called my Joohyun lazy and stupid and irresponsible and worthless in front of the entire restaurant.”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows mash into a triangle. “What did you do?”
Minseok buries his face in his hands. “There’s nothing I could do. We’re not allowed to challenge customers unless they literally refuse to pay. I just gave her a cigarette break and put her in the kitchen for the rest of the shift.” He can feel his anger and frustration coming back full force at the memory, watching silently from the bar, the girl on the verge of tears as she passed him on her way out back. “Chanyeol had to take her section and he is… not good with customers. Or his hands. Or his balance. Or his voice. Or his face. Or-”
“Minseok.”
Minseok clamps his mouth shut, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s in the past.”
“I know.”
“It’s not your fault rich assholes lose their shit over a cocktail.”
“I know, I know.” Minseok sighs. “I just… I just wish I could have done something. She didn’t deserve any of the shit she got tonight. Aren’t I supposed to take care of my staff?”
Kyungsoo twists the hem of his shirt. “They’re not-”
“Sorry?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“No,” Minseok leans his elbows on the desk and shifts his weight forward. “What were you going to say?”
Kyungsoo swallows twice, averting his eyes. “They’re not,” he stammers, “Technically, your staff.”
Minseok stares at him in a long, level gaze that Kyungsoo tries not to meet. He lowers his hands to the keyboard instead.
12:17am
I’m sorry, I realized it was a shitty thing to say as soon as I thought of it…
12:17am
The regular manger is not back for three more months, Kyungsoo. They ARE my staff until December.
Kyungsoo slumps, teeth clamping around the inside of his cheeks. Three months.
12:18am
I just miss you.
“I miss you too.”
Kyungsoo scratches a tally on a sticky note beside his bed.
|||| |||| |||| |||| |||
days since Minseok laughed
Minseok waves as the camera turns on. Kyungsoo is sitting up this time, resting against the bedhead, a mess of pink hair and broad shoulders lying in his lap. His large eyes look larger than usual, rings darkening the sockets, his hands jittery as they gently but firmly trace the spine of the person in his lap.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo says back, twirling a bubblegum lock around his finger. He closes his eyes and drops his head to the side, too exhausted to hold it up straight. Minseok says nothing and Kyungsoo imagines him pressing close, dotting his forehead with tiny kisses. He could do with those right now. He could do with anything comforting right now. He could do with Minseok, right here, right now. But that’s not the sort of thing he says aloud.
“It’s raining,” is what he says instead.
“It’s raining here too,” Minseok says, adjusting his oversized sweater on his shoulders as he spins around on the wheelie-chair, stopping after two revolutions to watch Kyungsoo’s hands. “Is that Sehun?” he asks, as though Kyungsoo would even know of anyone else with hair as bright as that.
Kyungsoo cracks open his eyes and leans over Sehun’s frame.
1:46am
she got kicked out
1:46am
gonna stay with me for a while. All of her other friends live on campus.
1:46am
is she ok?
Kyungsoo pulls back from the keyboard and shakes his head.
3:32am
Finally home. You up for a call?
3:34am
probably not a good idea…
3:34am
it’s been a long day
3:34am
Sehun and I have turned off the lights already
3:34am
Kyungsoo
3:35am
Are you alright?
3:35am
No.
3:35am
Talk to me
3:35am
I had to cover someone’s shift at work today I had to go in at 7am and some fucking child knocked over a shelf and we had to clean it all up and I got yelled at for not serving people fast enough and there was nobody helping me until 10 then I got home finally this evening and I found out Sehun’s fucking brother has been hanging around outside the building all day I don’t know how he found out she was here
3:36am
I burned myself on the rice cooker while I was making dinner and I haven’t even started my essay and Sehun hasn’t stopped crying for two days I don’t know what to do I’m just really fucking tired and I don’t want to deal with Things anymore
3:36am
honestly I could really use a hug
3:37am
imagine I’m there hugging you right now.
3:37am
and that I’m kissing the top of your head.
A fat, heavy tear escapes Kyungsoo’s eye and he angrily swipes it from his nose. Sehun shifts behind him, her grip on his waist tightening slightly. Sehun’s hugs are semi-conscious and lonely and desperate, a far cry from the sturdy and reassuring Minseok hugs he craves. He resists the urge to push her off and lays his hand over hers instead, rubbing his thumb over her wrist.
3:38am
that doesn’t fucking help, Minseok.
3:39am
I’m sorry, I know. I do. I just don’t know how to help.
3:39am
I’m so mad about Sehun’s brother he has some fucking nerve compromising your safety like that
3:40am
…..stab him
Kyungsoo laughs despite himself, wiping a couple more tears away.
3:40am
well if he’s still there in the morning I’ll head out with the carving knife, promise.
3:41am
That’s my Kyungsoo.
3:44am
I’ll be home soon.
3:44am
Not soon
3:45am
2 months, 3 weeks, 1 day
Kyungsoo turns the screen of his phone off as soon as he sends the message, instantly regretting everything. He is not like that. He doesn’t say those sorts of things. It was weird, wrong, overstepping the boundaries they had laid, unspoken, no. he shouldn’t have said that. At all.
He’s scared to check what the return message says.
3:47am
The bed here is a single
3:47am
Still huge without you
Kyungsoo presses his phone to his forehead, gripping tight at Sehun’s wrist as his lip trembles.
5:19am
I love you
5:19am
More than anything
5:20am
I miss you so much it hurts
10:14am
My flight gets in at 12.
10:15am
I’ll be there
A/N: long distance is the worst the absolute fucking worst
Enjoy my self projected angst, feel free to share your stories yo~
i will expand this verse one day i mean i don't miss a chance at trans Sehun