Well, this'll be a first.

[syeniess]

You see, it's going to be a very long post. A very long post about this weekend, this funeral and a whole bunch of internal actual emotion stuff that I've been happily crushing for quite some time

Comments

Part I

[grumblesmurf]

Long reply here (that I'm having to split into two because LJ doesn't like me rambling), mainly 'cos you've brought up a number of points I wanted to comment on.

it got me thinking - can you have a secular burial?

AFAIK, yes. [fx: Googles] Yup, seems like it (about 2/3 down the page):

http://www.secular-ceremonies.me.uk/funerals.htm

As to what they're like I have no idea - I've never been to a non-"religous" funeral. The folk I know who'd be likely to go that route hopefully aren't likely to be doing so any time soon.

Funerals are always peculiar events, IME, so don't be suprised about being really mixed up about it. I've had a number to go to in the past (predominantly older relatives), and sadly it's a fact of life that as you get older that funerals become more commonplace. And they never get any easier because each one is different to any previous.

I think the first one I attended was for a close family friend - Don and his wife never had any kids, but loved children - they (and their hound) were the local neighbourhood babysitters. During the times I was spending long periods in hospital during childhood they looked after Dad while mother was with me, so we felt Don's loss quite strongly.

At this stage I've been to those of three of my four grandparents (was considered a little young to go to the first one at the time), a number of older aunts and uncles, and a couple of others beyond that. All I can say is the point of a funeral, AFAICT, is not to be upset, but to remember the good times and to make sure that memories of the deceased are kept alive. Increasingly it's the only time I get to see some parts of the family as my generation have spread out away from the west country homelands. Seems you only get to see the whole lot at a wedding or funeral. Still, at least I can get away with the same suit at both types of event. I appreciate this isn't the case for those of the fairer gender, apart from maybe goths. :)