(no subject)
im not even that old. or go out wild that much or that hard. the sorority is making me feel doneskies with the bar and its making me feel mad old! so many freshman babies who havent fucked up their gpas yet going out doing all the stupid things ive already done. its just SO much is done in such a small frame of time. think about everything youve experienced in what, just 3 years youve had thus far? and now tasha bucks might say i cant leave early tonight or i cant get money or im going to get written up or something and guess what? I dont care. I kind of dont give a flying fuck about sigma delta tau right now. well, i mean a small one but if it takes any energy from me i probably wont deal. i probably shouldnt be vice president. im so damn selfish but its NOT selfish. i need to do what I want to do, what I need to do. and thats just what it is. i need to stop this way of thinking that if im not doing somethin for someone else than im being selfish. thats so preposterous. i should be able to make the right decisions for myself (not going out, ending my night early, prioritizing school first) without feeling like shit.. my little was right, it makes no room. but it does make room, its just not enough for what i need right now. im positive ill be fine for fall, i just need summer to come and let me take care of myself. i put my credit card away until april 25th (when we drive to brooklyn for formal) and im not buying weed from bank money or work money (minus tips) until may 6. 3 weeks. and i dont really want a birthday dinner going out with my rents and friends. i had a real nice home cooked meal with my family. i dont need anymore than that, i dont want anymore than that. i am SUCH a homebody and i dont care. sitting in a chair in the sunshine seems perfectly good to me. maybe move to the hammock, maybe have a fire, maybe play some frisbee or go for a walk. nothing too fancy for me please. not right now anyways. i was up at 815 this morning cuz thats just when i woke up. its 1040 and ive already feel like ive lived a day. i love being an old person.