fanfic: Baby, don’t you break my heart slow. (8/?)
Title: Baby, don’t you break my heart slow. (8/?)
Author: sydneygirl1903
Rating: G
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Summary: If you don’t communicate and don’t talk about your feelings things can go terribly wrong and cause a lot of pain. So you better start communicating.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. I write for enjoyment only and I make no profit with this writing.
Author's note: Thanks to tatc for beta reading :)
Previous parts:
Part 1: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/5533.html
Part 2: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/6552.html
Part 3: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/6774.html
Part 4: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/7145.html
Part 5: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/7305.html
Part 6: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/14095.html
Part7: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/14666.html
Callie and Arizona sat down in little booth in the coffee shop facing each other. It was a cute little coffee shop/cafe that was warmer and more comfortable than it looked from the outside. It smelled of coffee, of course, and the most delicious looking cakes and cookies Callie had ever seen. When she ordered coffee for herself and Arizona she also decided to get two pieces of cake, one piece of carrot cake and a Black Forest gateau. She returned to the booth with a tray full of coffee, cakes, whipped cream and two chocolate chip cookies and settled down looking expectantly at Arizona whose eyes were sparkling with joy and anticipation in view of all these treats. For a few moments both were savouring coffee and cakes and cookies in silence when Callie started to speak.
“Arizona, I am glad you let me speak to you. I really am.” She said, “And I know how hard this must be for you. And believe me, I am so sorry for putting you through all this. I am sorry I hurt you so badly. I wish I could make it all go away, but I can’t. I just... I can’t. But what I can do is to promise you, here and now, that I will do everything in my power to fix this.”
Arizona was looking at her, sadness in her eyes. Callie could see that Arizona was trying to be strong and to hide her emotions and feelings. But her eyes were giving her away. They always had. Whenever she was sad, because she couldn’t save a patient; whenever she woke up crying in the middle of the night, scared, her whole body shaking, because the tiny coffins had haunted her again; whenever she had joy because she was lost in one of the games with a little patient or she could tell the parents the good news that their kid would be ok; whenever she was driven by lust and desire for Callie; Callie could always tell, because all of these emotions were reflected in Arizona’s deep blue eyes. Even in this very situation they made no exception. And Arizona knew it, too. She usually loved the fact that Callie could read her so well, that Callie knew what she was feeling before she herself could even articulate her thoughts. But right now, she hated the fact that her eyes were betraying her. She was curious about what Callie had to say to her. Arizona had waited for Callie to come to her. That was the first step she hoped. There was no way she would have gone after Callie. Not this time, not after what she had done. Not after Callie had been lying to her for so long. That’s what she had gotten for trying to not be jealous of Erica Hahn.
During the past weeks she had asked herself many times if it had been her who had done something wrong. But she just couldn’t find anything. She had loved Callie with all her heart. She had given her all the freedom Callie wanted. She had been there for her. Always, and without hesitation, and without a doubt. Well, at least not until recently. And now what? Callie had seriously considered leaving her for Erica. She wasn’t sure if this really could be fixed. She had no idea if she could ever trust Callie again.
“And how do you plan to fix things, Calliope?” Arizona asked curiously, but not at all being able, or let alone willing to hide an impatient and annoyed tone in her voice. She didn’t care though. Callie should see that this wasn’t going to be painless or easy. She said she wanted to fight for this? Well, she would have to. And there was something else in Arizona’s voice when she uttered this question. Callie observed sadness in Arizona’s tone that made her feel miserable, knowing that it was her who had caused this sorrow.
Callie took a deep breath. The way Arizona had said her name had made her cringe. It always astonished her beyond belief how many different ways Arizona was able to say her name, just by changing the intonation and the pitch of her voice, and she was even more amazed by the effect that it could have on her. When Arizona wanted something from her, Callie found it impossible to resist the way Arizona sweetly purred out her name. On quite a few occasions Arizona saying her name in a deep and husky voice had sent electric sparks throughout her whole body and made it tingle with excitement. But then, she could also immediately tell when she was in trouble. She definitely didn't like her name sounding like this. Just like now, this was certainly not a good sound. Callie could tell Arizona would let her fight hard for this one, and rightly so. She had expected this question from Arizona. And she had come prepared. Well, at least that’s what she had hoped.
“I know you don’t trust me anymore.” Callie started to talk. “And I don’t blame you. Why should you still trust me? I know I have been lying to you for months. I won’t say I’m sorry, because I hope you know that I am. But I am afraid if I say those words too much they will lose their meaning. Arizona, my plan is to show you how truly sorry I am. I am going to prove to you that I am worthy of your love and that, when the time comes, you indeed can trust me again. I haven’t figured it out in detail yet. But you have to know I will fight for you, for us, I will fight for our future. And I will either fight until I have your trust again or you will tell me to stop fighting and go away. However, I’d rather want to win this fight!”
Arizona looked at Callie intensely. She was actually quite sure her heart had just skipped several beats during the words Callie had said. Oh, how she had hoped to hear those words from her. Arizona was very tempted to jump into Callie’s arms and hold her as tightly as she possibly could. But she was able to hold herself back. She opened her mouth to speak: “Calliope…”
“I know” Callie interrupted her. “I know this needs time. I didn’t want to talk to you thinking everything would be ok after that. I am going to stay at Cristina’s. I thought about asking you if I could come back home, our home. Because I miss it so much! I miss you so much. But I know it’s too early. We need time; a lot more time. I came here to kind of ask you out again.”
“Ask me out again?” That one she did not see coming. Arizona stared at Callie, a puzzled look on her face. What the hell was she talking about?
“Yes, I want to start dating you again. I figured, we do need a new, a fresh and clean start. You know, like when everything is covered in a new blanket of snow, everything is so peaceful and quite, you know?”
Arizona didn’t know. She looked at the black haired woman opposite her and she had no idea what she was talking about. She shook her head, signalizing to Callie that she was clueless. Callie sighed. “You know, like when it snows. Everything is new.”
A smile crossed Arizona’s face. “Calliope, you have to be more specific. No matter how often you say that, I really don’t know.” Amused she looked at Callie, who so desperately struggled for the right words.
Callie, however, found her own inadequacy to explain herself properly to Arizona being a direct result of the sound of her name, the way Arizona had just uttered it. Goosebumps appeared on her skin and she felt a shiver going down her spine. That’s how she wanted to hear Arizona say her name. With a hint of amusement, slightly impatient because she really had no idea what Callie was talking about, and most importantly, with love in her voice. And then that smile on the blonde woman's face, a smile that could also be seen in Arizona's eyes, showing her dimples just so you could tell they were there. How she had missed looking at that face. Once again Arizona’s eyes were giving away her inner thoughts, all of her emotional state and Callie needed a few moments to recollect her train of thought. Because it seemed that, once again, Arizona’s dazzling smile and stunning beauty could be the reason for her to turn into a stuttering idiot.
“Let me try to explain.” Callie started. “Okay, you know, I just came back from our spot, that you must know, where we used to go to have lunch or just relax.” She looked at Arizona questioningly, letting out a relieved sigh when Arizona nodded, giving her a warm smile. “Ok, so I just came back from our bench. I was sitting there, just watching the snow. And last night, when it started to snow, I was up half of the night, just staring at the dancing snowflakes, thinking about you, about us. And...”
“What time?” Arizona asked.
“What?” Callie looked at her mobile. “It's 2:15.” She said in a confused tone. “Why is that important? Do you have to be in surgery? I thought we could...”
“No. I mean at what time were you up last night?” Arizona wanted to know.
“Uhm, I don't know. I guess it must have been 3-ish or something. Why are you smiling like that?” Damn it. Again? Callie was amazed at the effect Arizona’s smile always had on her.
“Oh, it’s just, you know, last night was a quite night at the hospital, and I can safely say that now, because it is over, and well, because there wasn’t much to do and I went up to the roof to think. I thought about you, about me, about us, about what I want and I got totally lost in my thoughts and forgot the time till I was paged in for an emergency.” Arizona explained her previous question.
“Wow.” Callie couldn’t quite believe this. “So what you are saying is while I was thinking about you, me, us in our apartment, you were doing the same up on the roof?”
“It seems so.” Arizona said with a warm smile. Now that surely must have been a good sign that both women were thinking about the same thing at the same time, not knowing the other one was thinking the exact same thing.
Their eyes were locked on each other's, neither of them was able to break eye contact. Both women had felt it. And still were feeling it. Something was still there, something that was worth fighting for, something that made them want more/left them wanting more, something that prevented them from giving up. The time they had just spent in each other's company, how they had talked to each other, how the conversation was smoothly moving along, it had felt like before, there was a new feeling of togetherness and intimacy that they had lost over the last couple of months. But now it felt like the times when they had been happy with each other.
Arizona couldn’t help but wonder about Callie’s snow theory. Maybe it was true. Maybe all they had to do was cover their relationship in a new white blanket of snow, figuratively speaking of course. They needed their relationship to be clean and simple again in order to leave their own, new trail of footprints on it. And it would be beautiful, just as beautiful as a single line of footprints would be after the first snow. Maybe going on dates again would present them with this opportunity. Arizona knew she wanted it to work. She was ready to build a new path through the freshly fallen snow that covered the ground just as softly as their newly found intimacy covered their bruised egos and emotions.
Because last night, when she was standing on the rooftop of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital, she had wished for nothing more than to work things out with Callie. And now that she knew Callie had been sitting in her living room, just a short distance away, wishing for the exact same thing, it was now that she was absolutely sure they could achieve anything they dreamed of, anything they wished for. They just had to do it together. Because sometimes the love you share with someone is indeed worth fighting for.
+ + + + + + +
Next chapter: A date with a lot of fun and german “Glühwein”. Curious yet? Although, I am sorry to say that, it might take a while. I already have it all in my head, but once again RL is kicking in. Hopefully I'll find the time to write soon!
Author: sydneygirl1903
Rating: G
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Summary: If you don’t communicate and don’t talk about your feelings things can go terribly wrong and cause a lot of pain. So you better start communicating.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. I write for enjoyment only and I make no profit with this writing.
Author's note: Thanks to tatc for beta reading :)
Previous parts:
Part 1: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/5533.html
Part 2: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/6552.html
Part 3: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/6774.html
Part 4: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/7145.html
Part 5: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/7305.html
Part 6: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/14095.html
Part7: sydneygirl1903.livejournal.com/14666.html
Callie and Arizona sat down in little booth in the coffee shop facing each other. It was a cute little coffee shop/cafe that was warmer and more comfortable than it looked from the outside. It smelled of coffee, of course, and the most delicious looking cakes and cookies Callie had ever seen. When she ordered coffee for herself and Arizona she also decided to get two pieces of cake, one piece of carrot cake and a Black Forest gateau. She returned to the booth with a tray full of coffee, cakes, whipped cream and two chocolate chip cookies and settled down looking expectantly at Arizona whose eyes were sparkling with joy and anticipation in view of all these treats. For a few moments both were savouring coffee and cakes and cookies in silence when Callie started to speak.
“Arizona, I am glad you let me speak to you. I really am.” She said, “And I know how hard this must be for you. And believe me, I am so sorry for putting you through all this. I am sorry I hurt you so badly. I wish I could make it all go away, but I can’t. I just... I can’t. But what I can do is to promise you, here and now, that I will do everything in my power to fix this.”
Arizona was looking at her, sadness in her eyes. Callie could see that Arizona was trying to be strong and to hide her emotions and feelings. But her eyes were giving her away. They always had. Whenever she was sad, because she couldn’t save a patient; whenever she woke up crying in the middle of the night, scared, her whole body shaking, because the tiny coffins had haunted her again; whenever she had joy because she was lost in one of the games with a little patient or she could tell the parents the good news that their kid would be ok; whenever she was driven by lust and desire for Callie; Callie could always tell, because all of these emotions were reflected in Arizona’s deep blue eyes. Even in this very situation they made no exception. And Arizona knew it, too. She usually loved the fact that Callie could read her so well, that Callie knew what she was feeling before she herself could even articulate her thoughts. But right now, she hated the fact that her eyes were betraying her. She was curious about what Callie had to say to her. Arizona had waited for Callie to come to her. That was the first step she hoped. There was no way she would have gone after Callie. Not this time, not after what she had done. Not after Callie had been lying to her for so long. That’s what she had gotten for trying to not be jealous of Erica Hahn.
During the past weeks she had asked herself many times if it had been her who had done something wrong. But she just couldn’t find anything. She had loved Callie with all her heart. She had given her all the freedom Callie wanted. She had been there for her. Always, and without hesitation, and without a doubt. Well, at least not until recently. And now what? Callie had seriously considered leaving her for Erica. She wasn’t sure if this really could be fixed. She had no idea if she could ever trust Callie again.
“And how do you plan to fix things, Calliope?” Arizona asked curiously, but not at all being able, or let alone willing to hide an impatient and annoyed tone in her voice. She didn’t care though. Callie should see that this wasn’t going to be painless or easy. She said she wanted to fight for this? Well, she would have to. And there was something else in Arizona’s voice when she uttered this question. Callie observed sadness in Arizona’s tone that made her feel miserable, knowing that it was her who had caused this sorrow.
Callie took a deep breath. The way Arizona had said her name had made her cringe. It always astonished her beyond belief how many different ways Arizona was able to say her name, just by changing the intonation and the pitch of her voice, and she was even more amazed by the effect that it could have on her. When Arizona wanted something from her, Callie found it impossible to resist the way Arizona sweetly purred out her name. On quite a few occasions Arizona saying her name in a deep and husky voice had sent electric sparks throughout her whole body and made it tingle with excitement. But then, she could also immediately tell when she was in trouble. She definitely didn't like her name sounding like this. Just like now, this was certainly not a good sound. Callie could tell Arizona would let her fight hard for this one, and rightly so. She had expected this question from Arizona. And she had come prepared. Well, at least that’s what she had hoped.
“I know you don’t trust me anymore.” Callie started to talk. “And I don’t blame you. Why should you still trust me? I know I have been lying to you for months. I won’t say I’m sorry, because I hope you know that I am. But I am afraid if I say those words too much they will lose their meaning. Arizona, my plan is to show you how truly sorry I am. I am going to prove to you that I am worthy of your love and that, when the time comes, you indeed can trust me again. I haven’t figured it out in detail yet. But you have to know I will fight for you, for us, I will fight for our future. And I will either fight until I have your trust again or you will tell me to stop fighting and go away. However, I’d rather want to win this fight!”
Arizona looked at Callie intensely. She was actually quite sure her heart had just skipped several beats during the words Callie had said. Oh, how she had hoped to hear those words from her. Arizona was very tempted to jump into Callie’s arms and hold her as tightly as she possibly could. But she was able to hold herself back. She opened her mouth to speak: “Calliope…”
“I know” Callie interrupted her. “I know this needs time. I didn’t want to talk to you thinking everything would be ok after that. I am going to stay at Cristina’s. I thought about asking you if I could come back home, our home. Because I miss it so much! I miss you so much. But I know it’s too early. We need time; a lot more time. I came here to kind of ask you out again.”
“Ask me out again?” That one she did not see coming. Arizona stared at Callie, a puzzled look on her face. What the hell was she talking about?
“Yes, I want to start dating you again. I figured, we do need a new, a fresh and clean start. You know, like when everything is covered in a new blanket of snow, everything is so peaceful and quite, you know?”
Arizona didn’t know. She looked at the black haired woman opposite her and she had no idea what she was talking about. She shook her head, signalizing to Callie that she was clueless. Callie sighed. “You know, like when it snows. Everything is new.”
A smile crossed Arizona’s face. “Calliope, you have to be more specific. No matter how often you say that, I really don’t know.” Amused she looked at Callie, who so desperately struggled for the right words.
Callie, however, found her own inadequacy to explain herself properly to Arizona being a direct result of the sound of her name, the way Arizona had just uttered it. Goosebumps appeared on her skin and she felt a shiver going down her spine. That’s how she wanted to hear Arizona say her name. With a hint of amusement, slightly impatient because she really had no idea what Callie was talking about, and most importantly, with love in her voice. And then that smile on the blonde woman's face, a smile that could also be seen in Arizona's eyes, showing her dimples just so you could tell they were there. How she had missed looking at that face. Once again Arizona’s eyes were giving away her inner thoughts, all of her emotional state and Callie needed a few moments to recollect her train of thought. Because it seemed that, once again, Arizona’s dazzling smile and stunning beauty could be the reason for her to turn into a stuttering idiot.
“Let me try to explain.” Callie started. “Okay, you know, I just came back from our spot, that you must know, where we used to go to have lunch or just relax.” She looked at Arizona questioningly, letting out a relieved sigh when Arizona nodded, giving her a warm smile. “Ok, so I just came back from our bench. I was sitting there, just watching the snow. And last night, when it started to snow, I was up half of the night, just staring at the dancing snowflakes, thinking about you, about us. And...”
“What time?” Arizona asked.
“What?” Callie looked at her mobile. “It's 2:15.” She said in a confused tone. “Why is that important? Do you have to be in surgery? I thought we could...”
“No. I mean at what time were you up last night?” Arizona wanted to know.
“Uhm, I don't know. I guess it must have been 3-ish or something. Why are you smiling like that?” Damn it. Again? Callie was amazed at the effect Arizona’s smile always had on her.
“Oh, it’s just, you know, last night was a quite night at the hospital, and I can safely say that now, because it is over, and well, because there wasn’t much to do and I went up to the roof to think. I thought about you, about me, about us, about what I want and I got totally lost in my thoughts and forgot the time till I was paged in for an emergency.” Arizona explained her previous question.
“Wow.” Callie couldn’t quite believe this. “So what you are saying is while I was thinking about you, me, us in our apartment, you were doing the same up on the roof?”
“It seems so.” Arizona said with a warm smile. Now that surely must have been a good sign that both women were thinking about the same thing at the same time, not knowing the other one was thinking the exact same thing.
Their eyes were locked on each other's, neither of them was able to break eye contact. Both women had felt it. And still were feeling it. Something was still there, something that was worth fighting for, something that made them want more/left them wanting more, something that prevented them from giving up. The time they had just spent in each other's company, how they had talked to each other, how the conversation was smoothly moving along, it had felt like before, there was a new feeling of togetherness and intimacy that they had lost over the last couple of months. But now it felt like the times when they had been happy with each other.
Arizona couldn’t help but wonder about Callie’s snow theory. Maybe it was true. Maybe all they had to do was cover their relationship in a new white blanket of snow, figuratively speaking of course. They needed their relationship to be clean and simple again in order to leave their own, new trail of footprints on it. And it would be beautiful, just as beautiful as a single line of footprints would be after the first snow. Maybe going on dates again would present them with this opportunity. Arizona knew she wanted it to work. She was ready to build a new path through the freshly fallen snow that covered the ground just as softly as their newly found intimacy covered their bruised egos and emotions.
Because last night, when she was standing on the rooftop of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital, she had wished for nothing more than to work things out with Callie. And now that she knew Callie had been sitting in her living room, just a short distance away, wishing for the exact same thing, it was now that she was absolutely sure they could achieve anything they dreamed of, anything they wished for. They just had to do it together. Because sometimes the love you share with someone is indeed worth fighting for.
+ + + + + + +
Next chapter: A date with a lot of fun and german “Glühwein”. Curious yet? Although, I am sorry to say that, it might take a while. I already have it all in my head, but once again RL is kicking in. Hopefully I'll find the time to write soon!