sick day

[sydcosmic]

yeah i caught a stomach bug from an infant, kevins youngest brother Colin had it and i was babysitting him...so today i am home sick...i am using this time to work on the chorus to a new song tell me what you think of this i think it needs some fixing

Tempest clouds are rolling in
Get your women and children
Ashes char the fallow lands
As tear drops fall into your hands
Like breakers on the pirate ships
They fertilize your fingertips
And bud anew the seeds I sow
And let the fields of fallow grow

???