Challenge 12 - Bad Fic
Title: Where the Weird Things Are
Author: syd15
Fandom: Fringe
Rating: PG
Words: 1020
Pairing: No pairing, after there's no atractive male character, is there?
Author's notes: Not that I think any of my "fics" are good, but this one is intentionally bad. I've never thought that my writting is good but when I post something I actually tried for it to be a whole lot better than this. Still, the point was to make it bad, I trid for it to be "funny as well".
Two parts, posted and read as one.
Part 1)
Walter: Why don't you girls go drink something while my doppelganger and I work here, huh?
Olivia: Walter he's not...
Walter: Oh, and when you come back, bring us a pumpkin milkshake, dears!
(The girls leave...)
Walter: Well, Walternate, why don't you go milk Gene while I start working on closing the hole between our universes that we don't even know how it got created in the first place?
Walternate: Don't call me that.
Walter: What?
Walternate: You know. (Walter keeps looking at him confused.) "Walternate."
Walter: Oh, but how else would I call you, we can't very well call you just like me when you look exactly like me, that would be very confusing for everyone here.
(Walternate is stopped from asnwering by Gene.)
Gene: Peeeeeter, peeeeeeter, peeeeeeter, peeeeeeter, peeeeeeeter.
Walternate: What the hell is that?
Walter: Gene, the cow, who did you thought I wanted you to milk?
Walternate: I mean what she's mooing. I've never heard a cow sound like that...
Walter: Oh, now that you say so... Yeah, it's weird, she's been saying that since you guys got here. By the way, how did you get here at all? Oh, never mind that, it's not important. Come on, go ahead and milk her, she doesn't like when you keep her waiting...
Walternate: You're serious, you want me to milk her???
Walter: Oh, but of course, why wouldn't I be? Don't forget to pat and caress her before you try to touch her udders. She's a lady and wants to be treated like one.
Walternate: This is outrageous! I'm the secretary of defense, I won't milk a cow!
Walter: You must, how else would we drink Gene's milk???
Part 2
(Meanwhile, at a coffee shop.)
Waitress: Can I get you something, girls?
Olivia: Yeah, a coffee latte for her and I want a coffee black with one sugar.
Altlivia: How do you know that's my favorite?
Olivia: Same way I know you don't drink alcohol, he told me.
Altlivia: Who?
Olivia: What?
Altlivia: Who told you?
Olivia: Wow, that's weird, I have no idea. Must be one of my abilities, then.
Altlivia: Abilities? What are you talking about?
Olivia: When I was a little kid, Walter and his colleague, William Bell, experimented on me (among other kids who are now almost all dead because of it) with a drug called Cortexiphan. It was a drug designed to limit the limitation of the mind. I forgot all about it until a couple of years back. I know that when I was a kid I set on fire a whole room but now the only things I've been able to do are, turn of a few small lights with the power of my mind (I stopped a bomb from going off doing that), see things from your world glimmer and move between our universes. But I can't really recall if I have actually done that... Oh, yes, and even thought it doesn't seem like it because all of these gaps lately, I have a great photographic memory.
Altlivia: Wow!
Olivia: You mean you weren't treated with Cortexiphan in your universe?
Altlivia: What, me? No. Our Walter might be the meanest person in all universe, he might even shoot you in the head point blank--
Olivia: Me? Why me?
Altlivia: I don't know, it was just an image that came to my mind.
Olivia: Disturbing.
Altlivia: Anyway, as I was saying, he might be an awful person, but he would never hurt kids.
Olivia: That's reassuring.
Altlivia: Lol, yeah. Hey, at least I know my kid is safe! He thinks my son is his grandchild.
Olivia: Oh, I didn't know your Walter had a son.
Altlivia: He doesn't but he's spent he's whole adult life looking for a son that was never even conceived in the first place.
Olivia: Well, you and your baby's daddy must laugh at it like crazy, your boss thinks your son is his grandson. I don't know if my Walter is the only crazy one.
Altlivia: Well, that's where things get a little complicated. I don't know who the father of my child is.
Olivia: What, you mean you had a crazy night out, got drunk, had unprotected sex and don't remember the guy’s face?
Altlivia: Could be, but I doubt it. As you said, I don't drink alcohol. Seriously, I really don’t know how it happened.
Olivia: You must have some idea.
Altlivia: Nop, non. Everything around that time is completely erased from my mind.
Olivia: Must have been some crazy night...
Altlivia: Wanna know the weirdest part???
Olivia: There's more??
Altlivia: Wait 'til you hear it. One day I wasn't even showing and the next day I was giving birth to Henry.
Olivia: You kidding me, right?
Altlivia: Not at all. One day, these people kidnapped me and took me to a room full of medic equipment. They tied me to a bed and kept me mostly sedated. I thought they were gonna make me loose the baby 'cause they keep working on my belly but then one of the times I regained consciousness I saw it all swollen and I realized that what they wanted was to keep my baby so I run away, called a friend (who came with a taxi driver who swore to know me) and I gave birth to Henry (he's called after the taxi driver, he was the one helping me deliver my baby, 'cause, you know, he's a father too so obviously he knows how to assist a labor.
Olivia: Wow, that must have been a hell of a day for you, it kinds of beats me turning off a few small lights with the power of my mind.
Altlivia: Let's say we are even.
Olivia: Okay, why don't we go back to the lab and see if we can help with anything?
Altlivia: Sure, let's go.
Astrid: Girls, we need to ask for the pumping milkshakes.
Olivia: Astrid! When did you get here?
Astrid: I came with you, I've been here all along.
Altlivia: Sorry, I didn't realize.
Astrid: Don't worry I'm used to it by now.
Author: syd15
Fandom: Fringe
Rating: PG
Words: 1020
Pairing: No pairing, after there's no atractive male character, is there?
Author's notes: Not that I think any of my "fics" are good, but this one is intentionally bad. I've never thought that my writting is good but when I post something I actually tried for it to be a whole lot better than this. Still, the point was to make it bad, I trid for it to be "funny as well".
Two parts, posted and read as one.
Part 1)
Walter: Why don't you girls go drink something while my doppelganger and I work here, huh?
Olivia: Walter he's not...
Walter: Oh, and when you come back, bring us a pumpkin milkshake, dears!
(The girls leave...)
Walter: Well, Walternate, why don't you go milk Gene while I start working on closing the hole between our universes that we don't even know how it got created in the first place?
Walternate: Don't call me that.
Walter: What?
Walternate: You know. (Walter keeps looking at him confused.) "Walternate."
Walter: Oh, but how else would I call you, we can't very well call you just like me when you look exactly like me, that would be very confusing for everyone here.
(Walternate is stopped from asnwering by Gene.)
Gene: Peeeeeter, peeeeeeter, peeeeeeter, peeeeeeter, peeeeeeeter.
Walternate: What the hell is that?
Walter: Gene, the cow, who did you thought I wanted you to milk?
Walternate: I mean what she's mooing. I've never heard a cow sound like that...
Walter: Oh, now that you say so... Yeah, it's weird, she's been saying that since you guys got here. By the way, how did you get here at all? Oh, never mind that, it's not important. Come on, go ahead and milk her, she doesn't like when you keep her waiting...
Walternate: You're serious, you want me to milk her???
Walter: Oh, but of course, why wouldn't I be? Don't forget to pat and caress her before you try to touch her udders. She's a lady and wants to be treated like one.
Walternate: This is outrageous! I'm the secretary of defense, I won't milk a cow!
Walter: You must, how else would we drink Gene's milk???
Part 2
(Meanwhile, at a coffee shop.)
Waitress: Can I get you something, girls?
Olivia: Yeah, a coffee latte for her and I want a coffee black with one sugar.
Altlivia: How do you know that's my favorite?
Olivia: Same way I know you don't drink alcohol, he told me.
Altlivia: Who?
Olivia: What?
Altlivia: Who told you?
Olivia: Wow, that's weird, I have no idea. Must be one of my abilities, then.
Altlivia: Abilities? What are you talking about?
Olivia: When I was a little kid, Walter and his colleague, William Bell, experimented on me (among other kids who are now almost all dead because of it) with a drug called Cortexiphan. It was a drug designed to limit the limitation of the mind. I forgot all about it until a couple of years back. I know that when I was a kid I set on fire a whole room but now the only things I've been able to do are, turn of a few small lights with the power of my mind (I stopped a bomb from going off doing that), see things from your world glimmer and move between our universes. But I can't really recall if I have actually done that... Oh, yes, and even thought it doesn't seem like it because all of these gaps lately, I have a great photographic memory.
Altlivia: Wow!
Olivia: You mean you weren't treated with Cortexiphan in your universe?
Altlivia: What, me? No. Our Walter might be the meanest person in all universe, he might even shoot you in the head point blank--
Olivia: Me? Why me?
Altlivia: I don't know, it was just an image that came to my mind.
Olivia: Disturbing.
Altlivia: Anyway, as I was saying, he might be an awful person, but he would never hurt kids.
Olivia: That's reassuring.
Altlivia: Lol, yeah. Hey, at least I know my kid is safe! He thinks my son is his grandchild.
Olivia: Oh, I didn't know your Walter had a son.
Altlivia: He doesn't but he's spent he's whole adult life looking for a son that was never even conceived in the first place.
Olivia: Well, you and your baby's daddy must laugh at it like crazy, your boss thinks your son is his grandson. I don't know if my Walter is the only crazy one.
Altlivia: Well, that's where things get a little complicated. I don't know who the father of my child is.
Olivia: What, you mean you had a crazy night out, got drunk, had unprotected sex and don't remember the guy’s face?
Altlivia: Could be, but I doubt it. As you said, I don't drink alcohol. Seriously, I really don’t know how it happened.
Olivia: You must have some idea.
Altlivia: Nop, non. Everything around that time is completely erased from my mind.
Olivia: Must have been some crazy night...
Altlivia: Wanna know the weirdest part???
Olivia: There's more??
Altlivia: Wait 'til you hear it. One day I wasn't even showing and the next day I was giving birth to Henry.
Olivia: You kidding me, right?
Altlivia: Not at all. One day, these people kidnapped me and took me to a room full of medic equipment. They tied me to a bed and kept me mostly sedated. I thought they were gonna make me loose the baby 'cause they keep working on my belly but then one of the times I regained consciousness I saw it all swollen and I realized that what they wanted was to keep my baby so I run away, called a friend (who came with a taxi driver who swore to know me) and I gave birth to Henry (he's called after the taxi driver, he was the one helping me deliver my baby, 'cause, you know, he's a father too so obviously he knows how to assist a labor.
Olivia: Wow, that must have been a hell of a day for you, it kinds of beats me turning off a few small lights with the power of my mind.
Altlivia: Let's say we are even.
Olivia: Okay, why don't we go back to the lab and see if we can help with anything?
Altlivia: Sure, let's go.
Astrid: Girls, we need to ask for the pumping milkshakes.
Olivia: Astrid! When did you get here?
Astrid: I came with you, I've been here all along.
Altlivia: Sorry, I didn't realize.
Astrid: Don't worry I'm used to it by now.