I wonder........
Sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do....
Like friends... why is I have some friends im really close to and then they *ussally males* just kinda fade away??? This upsets me quiet a bit! I can blog this here cause i know those people wont read this so there for i wont offend them!! and i can use real names all i want and it wont really matter!
So my friend Emanuel called me back in like the begaining of feb. I was on a trip in Austin and of course at the time he called i was in the shower and my mom picked up the phone. and so she said i would call him back later. Well i texted him the next day and nothing so... and school started kicking my butt but i called him back later that week... to make a long story short i have called him at least 5times and each time left him a message!! Ive even sent him myspace mail!! I know he has a job but come on.... We are suppose to be friends i dont understand.... WHY DO GUYS DO THIS?????
And being the girl i am I like to dig up my past!! *oh joy* Ok so NEXT!!! JUSTIN!!!!
So yeah umm Ive know Justin since we where like 11 or 12 yrs old at least! *i am about to be 22 and i think he is 22 or 23! Im thinking its 22* *goes and looks on myspace*lol ok so i was wrong! He is already 23 *sooo not the point*..... So we friends all the way up to...... idk when our friendshiped ended. I know in may of 04 he was dating a new girl and something about her bugged me... Im very good about seeing peoples true colors *sometimes* She didnt like me and Justin being as close as we where. His family loved me and still does to this day!
He made a promise when he graduated that he would be there for my graduation.... He didnt come....He did make an apperence to my party LATE!!! My last guest aka my best friend was about to leave when he finally showed up and he was with mandi who by this time he knew i didnt like her. OMGZ u could have cut the tension with a stake knife. The reason i dont write about people on myspace anymore is because of him. I wrote a blog not to long after that about how i felt about mani but i never said her name or his... but he got really mad at me and sent me a message telling me we could be friends anymore cause i was like that LMAO that was stupid I was venting he just knew how i felt and over reacted!!! After 2 1/2 he finaly broke up with her... by that time he had lost so many friends over her and was working for her dad!! It was sad. I wish we could be friends again because there are so many questions i have... I use to go to him for him like a big brother but HE BURNED THE BRIDGE!!! We have seen eachother since he broke up with her. But never just us two. and its awaked and idk what to say... I miss him.. he was really like a brother to me. He works alot now too. Some times i kinda want to go to his work and act like im gonna buy a car just so maybe i could bump into him. *He races cars as well* Last time i went to see him race was kinda weird too cause he wasnt racing that night and he was hanging with other friends and so i felt not important at all....
Im suppose to get my Ass. degree in may so im thinking im going to send him a invite... its on a friday so idk if he will come but maybe his family will... I miss them too. lol he said when we where in high school that im a "party girl suck in side a shy girls body" He is right... i only show that side to a few people.. lol he also told me when i turned 21 he would take me to get drunk lol... im almost 22 and thats one thing i havent done.
I dont know how to talk to him again i wish i knew... I kinda wish he could see this but i dont think he cares anymore...... I know he doesnt know about the one day my Sr. year when my dad went out to his car and there were horrable thinks wrote about me on his car. I didnt have school that day but the local colleges did.... Idk for a fact it was her but i have a gut feeling..... *sigh* its nights like them when i lie awake with questions that i would talk to him... but now im just alone
I have a wonder love in my life and his name is Andrew! We have been dateing for over 2 yrs. It will be 3years in like sept. He lives in scottland but has been over here 3 times since we started dating and i want to be with him forever. I wonder stuff like if he is the one or if he really even wants to be with me... like i know he does but its hard when he isnt here. Everything is easier when the one you love is near. I want to fall asleep in his arms every night for the rest of my life!
But i also with all my heart want to be a teacher but idk how im gonna afford it. And thats just to get into school... God willing i will be able to pass my classes and be sucessfull.... I know God will provide but sometimes i wonder how??? and why do i have to deal with the pain now. And why are there so many people out there in pain... and why are there soo many people out there who have everything and there still have no joy in there life. I enjoy my life but i strive for more... I want to get married and have family and watch my grow up and expercence all the world has to offer to them.
~In dream land~
I wish i could be a model.... like ANTM. Next session is gonna be all models under 5'7!! Im cant try out because of school but i think it would be pretty kool. I think im a very differnt person who could bring alot to the table. Im only have american and I had to learn alot at a younge age cause of my brother and i am the way i am because of him and it makes me different. I loves clothing... i dont buy desinger clothing but i do love it!!! And i have very pretty eyes and skin *most of the time* I want to be a role model for the girls now and show them you dont have to be skinny or tall to be a model and that people come in all shapes and sizes and that its all good! Idk if i could do it with my body but its something i would love to work on... i could be a plus size model with a little toneing and alot of coco butter to redude the color of my streght marks.
Ok i cant seat hear and ramble anymore!!! I think i will post parts of this on my myspace.... if anyone read this please give me advise or just tell me im not going crazy!!
Like friends... why is I have some friends im really close to and then they *ussally males* just kinda fade away??? This upsets me quiet a bit! I can blog this here cause i know those people wont read this so there for i wont offend them!! and i can use real names all i want and it wont really matter!
So my friend Emanuel called me back in like the begaining of feb. I was on a trip in Austin and of course at the time he called i was in the shower and my mom picked up the phone. and so she said i would call him back later. Well i texted him the next day and nothing so... and school started kicking my butt but i called him back later that week... to make a long story short i have called him at least 5times and each time left him a message!! Ive even sent him myspace mail!! I know he has a job but come on.... We are suppose to be friends i dont understand.... WHY DO GUYS DO THIS?????
And being the girl i am I like to dig up my past!! *oh joy* Ok so NEXT!!! JUSTIN!!!!
So yeah umm Ive know Justin since we where like 11 or 12 yrs old at least! *i am about to be 22 and i think he is 22 or 23! Im thinking its 22* *goes and looks on myspace*lol ok so i was wrong! He is already 23 *sooo not the point*..... So we friends all the way up to...... idk when our friendshiped ended. I know in may of 04 he was dating a new girl and something about her bugged me... Im very good about seeing peoples true colors *sometimes* She didnt like me and Justin being as close as we where. His family loved me and still does to this day!
He made a promise when he graduated that he would be there for my graduation.... He didnt come....He did make an apperence to my party LATE!!! My last guest aka my best friend was about to leave when he finally showed up and he was with mandi who by this time he knew i didnt like her. OMGZ u could have cut the tension with a stake knife. The reason i dont write about people on myspace anymore is because of him. I wrote a blog not to long after that about how i felt about mani but i never said her name or his... but he got really mad at me and sent me a message telling me we could be friends anymore cause i was like that LMAO that was stupid I was venting he just knew how i felt and over reacted!!! After 2 1/2 he finaly broke up with her... by that time he had lost so many friends over her and was working for her dad!! It was sad. I wish we could be friends again because there are so many questions i have... I use to go to him for him like a big brother but HE BURNED THE BRIDGE!!! We have seen eachother since he broke up with her. But never just us two. and its awaked and idk what to say... I miss him.. he was really like a brother to me. He works alot now too. Some times i kinda want to go to his work and act like im gonna buy a car just so maybe i could bump into him. *He races cars as well* Last time i went to see him race was kinda weird too cause he wasnt racing that night and he was hanging with other friends and so i felt not important at all....
Im suppose to get my Ass. degree in may so im thinking im going to send him a invite... its on a friday so idk if he will come but maybe his family will... I miss them too. lol he said when we where in high school that im a "party girl suck in side a shy girls body" He is right... i only show that side to a few people.. lol he also told me when i turned 21 he would take me to get drunk lol... im almost 22 and thats one thing i havent done.
I dont know how to talk to him again i wish i knew... I kinda wish he could see this but i dont think he cares anymore...... I know he doesnt know about the one day my Sr. year when my dad went out to his car and there were horrable thinks wrote about me on his car. I didnt have school that day but the local colleges did.... Idk for a fact it was her but i have a gut feeling..... *sigh* its nights like them when i lie awake with questions that i would talk to him... but now im just alone
I have a wonder love in my life and his name is Andrew! We have been dateing for over 2 yrs. It will be 3years in like sept. He lives in scottland but has been over here 3 times since we started dating and i want to be with him forever. I wonder stuff like if he is the one or if he really even wants to be with me... like i know he does but its hard when he isnt here. Everything is easier when the one you love is near. I want to fall asleep in his arms every night for the rest of my life!
But i also with all my heart want to be a teacher but idk how im gonna afford it. And thats just to get into school... God willing i will be able to pass my classes and be sucessfull.... I know God will provide but sometimes i wonder how??? and why do i have to deal with the pain now. And why are there so many people out there in pain... and why are there soo many people out there who have everything and there still have no joy in there life. I enjoy my life but i strive for more... I want to get married and have family and watch my grow up and expercence all the world has to offer to them.
~In dream land~
I wish i could be a model.... like ANTM. Next session is gonna be all models under 5'7!! Im cant try out because of school but i think it would be pretty kool. I think im a very differnt person who could bring alot to the table. Im only have american and I had to learn alot at a younge age cause of my brother and i am the way i am because of him and it makes me different. I loves clothing... i dont buy desinger clothing but i do love it!!! And i have very pretty eyes and skin *most of the time* I want to be a role model for the girls now and show them you dont have to be skinny or tall to be a model and that people come in all shapes and sizes and that its all good! Idk if i could do it with my body but its something i would love to work on... i could be a plus size model with a little toneing and alot of coco butter to redude the color of my streght marks.
Ok i cant seat hear and ramble anymore!!! I think i will post parts of this on my myspace.... if anyone read this please give me advise or just tell me im not going crazy!!