Out of hospital. Also, whiny emo shit is whiny.
Thank you all for the comments I got on my last entry. Knowing people care (besides my relatives who kind of have to care) is really nice.
Now I'm "in recovery", I suppose. Back home with a lower Synthroid dosage & four new medications, three of them for my heart & one of them Baby Aspirin. Or Low Dose Aspirin. But Baby Aspirin sounds way cuter.
Right now the hardest parts are the diet, the dizziness & the fact that my kid's staying with his father for a while so that I can focus on getting better.
I've never bothered to check how much sodium my food might contain. Now it's all I think about when eating.
My vision blurs & I lose balance whenever I stand up. It's unpleasant.
I miss my kid. On the plus side, his father is being entirely reasonable about this entire situation, even taking the kid a lot more often, so that's an improvement over the status quo.
Also, going to the hospital for life-threatening symptoms & then walking away with nothing more than a handful of pills is probably supposed to make a person feel better about life in general, to inspire them to shrug off inconsequential bullshit & think to themselves "Why let the little things bother me? I'm alive after catching & treating a heart condition that could've killed me. I've got a brand new appreciation for blah blah blah."
I regret to announce that, while I do feel a measure of that sentiment, I've also gone in the opposite direction. There are people out there, people I listen to, people I care about, who don't listen to & don't care about me. The fact that I was in hospital didn't even reach them because they've willfully cut themselves off from the flow of information that would've alerted them. They can't be bothered to know these things or any other things about me, & I'm starting to wonder what makes them so goddamn important that I continue to care about what happens to them while they continue to ignore me.
Then again, when my miserably low sense of self-worth comes into play, I can understand why they don't give a shit. Why should they? What does it matter if I go to the hospital? The only person to whom I'm truly important is my son, & that's only because he needs me. I provide food, shelter, clothing & Nickelodeon. And I'm not even doing much care-giving in these post-hospital days, like I said.
So... I should be less bitter. Since I can't really blame them.
In other (fandom related) news, I'm super excited for the return of Doctor Who. I'm also fairly fanatical (and I mean that in the most accurate sense of the word) about the new Hawaii Five-0, especially when the show is basically nothing but pure slash. Steve/Danny forever & ever & ever. *is clearly a 13 year old*
I know I'm a big nerd when it comes to fandom stuff, but as the awesome John Green once said, "Nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. [...] Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can't-control-yourself love it. When people call other people nerds, mostly what they're saying is, 'You like stuff', which is just not a good insult at all, like 'You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness.'"
Thank you, John Green.
Now I'm "in recovery", I suppose. Back home with a lower Synthroid dosage & four new medications, three of them for my heart & one of them Baby Aspirin. Or Low Dose Aspirin. But Baby Aspirin sounds way cuter.
Right now the hardest parts are the diet, the dizziness & the fact that my kid's staying with his father for a while so that I can focus on getting better.
I've never bothered to check how much sodium my food might contain. Now it's all I think about when eating.
My vision blurs & I lose balance whenever I stand up. It's unpleasant.
I miss my kid. On the plus side, his father is being entirely reasonable about this entire situation, even taking the kid a lot more often, so that's an improvement over the status quo.
Also, going to the hospital for life-threatening symptoms & then walking away with nothing more than a handful of pills is probably supposed to make a person feel better about life in general, to inspire them to shrug off inconsequential bullshit & think to themselves "Why let the little things bother me? I'm alive after catching & treating a heart condition that could've killed me. I've got a brand new appreciation for blah blah blah."
I regret to announce that, while I do feel a measure of that sentiment, I've also gone in the opposite direction. There are people out there, people I listen to, people I care about, who don't listen to & don't care about me. The fact that I was in hospital didn't even reach them because they've willfully cut themselves off from the flow of information that would've alerted them. They can't be bothered to know these things or any other things about me, & I'm starting to wonder what makes them so goddamn important that I continue to care about what happens to them while they continue to ignore me.
Then again, when my miserably low sense of self-worth comes into play, I can understand why they don't give a shit. Why should they? What does it matter if I go to the hospital? The only person to whom I'm truly important is my son, & that's only because he needs me. I provide food, shelter, clothing & Nickelodeon. And I'm not even doing much care-giving in these post-hospital days, like I said.
So... I should be less bitter. Since I can't really blame them.
In other (fandom related) news, I'm super excited for the return of Doctor Who. I'm also fairly fanatical (and I mean that in the most accurate sense of the word) about the new Hawaii Five-0, especially when the show is basically nothing but pure slash. Steve/Danny forever & ever & ever. *is clearly a 13 year old*
I know I'm a big nerd when it comes to fandom stuff, but as the awesome John Green once said, "Nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. [...] Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can't-control-yourself love it. When people call other people nerds, mostly what they're saying is, 'You like stuff', which is just not a good insult at all, like 'You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness.'"
Thank you, John Green.