what was once thought....
is now only a wish. i don't want to do this, but i can't have what i want. i have a choice. this, or pain to myself and another. there is no right way to go. the right way to go would be for me to not be who i am. i wish i could not be me. i'm terrible. i don't want to hurt myself, or anyone else. but, i've left myself no choice in this matter. i am already hurting myself. i have been for the last few weeks. i will be hurting someone else soon, and the pain won't go away easily. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i don't want this, but i what i do want requires this. i wish i could make myself not want that. i don't want to go through with this, but i have no choice left. i've gone too far to look back and pretend nothing has happened. my mind has gone to far with this to just turn around and walk away. i'm so sorry. i'm sorry.