Assholes
As I was watching "The Weddin Singer" with Leah yesterday, it just got me thinking about
how much Glenn is like my father...(both Glenns) and I was just wondering why so many people
have to be so unloving and uncaring, is it really because they too didn't have a good child-
hood and they feel that they don't owe anyone else a happy life? Or is it because they have
no capacity for love, or is it because they don't know HOW to love anybody? My dad was a
fucking genius, no joke, he could do anything...he was smart, he was suave, he was a good
speaker, he could easily impress people, he could be your best friend. If anyone met him,
they were instantly his, my dad is the MASTER of manipulation, and it's funny because you'd
think that he'd use his 'powers' for good. But it didn't turn out that way. My dad had lots
of mental issues, and that's not an excuse, but I think that was a big part of his descent
into madness. Unfortunately, since it was all chemical imbalances, I was 'blessed' with his
problems too, like father like son I suppose.
I wonder why my dad had so much hate, he was ALWAYS angry at something it seemed, he was
only truly happy when he was hurting other people. He liked seeing people in pain, and it
gave him an opportunity to 'help' them, he could give them a false hope, get them to put
their faith into him, and once again, he had control of them. My dad was so fucking fake it
made me sick ever since I was a little kid. I saw how he was really and I saw how he was
around other people and I put it all together and saw shit. I think he didn't expect me to
realize that, or if I did, I don't think he expected me to do anything about it cuz he had
already fucked my head up so much.
Physical and sexual abuse is one thing, but the mental abuse is something else, it stays
with you forever. Sure, the other things are shitty to think about, but the mental stuff is
the stuff that 'shapes' you and you don't even know it. If someone raped you and smacked
you around a lot, you'd just pretend it never happened, and once you were out of the
situation, it would be easier to ease the pain, but if someone tells you enough times just
how worthless and fucking pathetic you are, you eventually believe them. The mind is an easy
thing to influence and control once you know how. I think my dad knew how to run people
pretty fuckin easy, and I just never understood why. Or at least, why did he do it to us?
My perception of men isn't that great, thanks in large part to him, I really don't warm up
to older people that well, and those that I have, it's because I genuinely like them. I
think Chris's dad is a perfect dad. I wish that every person could have a dad like him, and
Leah's dad is really cool too, because he gives you your freedom to explore life but at the
same time is always protecting you from the really bad things. But he lets you have your
experiences.
I feel like there aren't enough men like that any more, I surely don't see too many. I
honestly think there aren't very many good BOYS in the world. There aren't very many like
MY dad or Lia's dad either, but there are a lot of generally lazy, uncaring men in the world.
Course, I can't really do anything except know and believe that when I grow up and have my
own kid, that I will treat him well and make sure he has my protection and has his freedom.
I almost just want to do that to prove that I'm not like my dad. I have this fear that
somehow I have sucked in his sickness and I'll be just like him. My friends reassure me that
that's impossible because I'm too good of a person, but I'm still scared, I guess the only
way to prove it to myself is to do it.
But I still have no answers why my dad was like he was. I think he was just crazy. Seriously
crazy though, how can anyone have a family and not love them...getting mad and angry is one
thing, but intentionally hurting them and abusing them for your own pleasure is inhuman.
I am really glad that I had a dad like my dad though, because I learned so much about life
and people, it's a really bad experience, but really opens up your eyes. Lia will agree with
me. I feel like I know who people are now, it's taught me not to judge by appearances and
possesions, because anybody can be fake, a lot of people are, but once you actually spend
time with someone and talk to them, you'll see who they are really. I also feel like I can
really help people with the shit they go through because I'm so empathetic and sensitive...
I guess I'm kind of a pussy too, I don't like hurting people ever, but if you threaten my
friends or my mom, you'll die quickly because I'll kill you, or make sure you never do it
again.
I guess my rant in this post is that I just want everyone to realize what they're doing it
when they do it, don't get sucked into the depths of hatred and anger, because that only
produces an angry individual, I would be one if it weren't for my friends and my mom and
me going to the hospital. Everyone has it inside them
to be evil, but whether your faith is God, your parents or friends or even your goddam
stuffed animals, just put your strength into them and always believe in the goodness in
yourself. There's too many fuckers in this world, and I don't want anybody I know to add to
that. There's too many people I care about to just let everything slide. I'm not trying to
control anyone, I'm just trying to make it known that even though it's hard for the people
getting abused, I believe it's harder for the abuser to live with themselves, and I don't
want any of you to be like that. You just kill yourself inside, and all those around you.
I'm no fucking hero or anything, but I just wanted to tell you guys that.
I love you guys a whole lot.
how much Glenn is like my father...(both Glenns) and I was just wondering why so many people
have to be so unloving and uncaring, is it really because they too didn't have a good child-
hood and they feel that they don't owe anyone else a happy life? Or is it because they have
no capacity for love, or is it because they don't know HOW to love anybody? My dad was a
fucking genius, no joke, he could do anything...he was smart, he was suave, he was a good
speaker, he could easily impress people, he could be your best friend. If anyone met him,
they were instantly his, my dad is the MASTER of manipulation, and it's funny because you'd
think that he'd use his 'powers' for good. But it didn't turn out that way. My dad had lots
of mental issues, and that's not an excuse, but I think that was a big part of his descent
into madness. Unfortunately, since it was all chemical imbalances, I was 'blessed' with his
problems too, like father like son I suppose.
I wonder why my dad had so much hate, he was ALWAYS angry at something it seemed, he was
only truly happy when he was hurting other people. He liked seeing people in pain, and it
gave him an opportunity to 'help' them, he could give them a false hope, get them to put
their faith into him, and once again, he had control of them. My dad was so fucking fake it
made me sick ever since I was a little kid. I saw how he was really and I saw how he was
around other people and I put it all together and saw shit. I think he didn't expect me to
realize that, or if I did, I don't think he expected me to do anything about it cuz he had
already fucked my head up so much.
Physical and sexual abuse is one thing, but the mental abuse is something else, it stays
with you forever. Sure, the other things are shitty to think about, but the mental stuff is
the stuff that 'shapes' you and you don't even know it. If someone raped you and smacked
you around a lot, you'd just pretend it never happened, and once you were out of the
situation, it would be easier to ease the pain, but if someone tells you enough times just
how worthless and fucking pathetic you are, you eventually believe them. The mind is an easy
thing to influence and control once you know how. I think my dad knew how to run people
pretty fuckin easy, and I just never understood why. Or at least, why did he do it to us?
My perception of men isn't that great, thanks in large part to him, I really don't warm up
to older people that well, and those that I have, it's because I genuinely like them. I
think Chris's dad is a perfect dad. I wish that every person could have a dad like him, and
Leah's dad is really cool too, because he gives you your freedom to explore life but at the
same time is always protecting you from the really bad things. But he lets you have your
experiences.
I feel like there aren't enough men like that any more, I surely don't see too many. I
honestly think there aren't very many good BOYS in the world. There aren't very many like
MY dad or Lia's dad either, but there are a lot of generally lazy, uncaring men in the world.
Course, I can't really do anything except know and believe that when I grow up and have my
own kid, that I will treat him well and make sure he has my protection and has his freedom.
I almost just want to do that to prove that I'm not like my dad. I have this fear that
somehow I have sucked in his sickness and I'll be just like him. My friends reassure me that
that's impossible because I'm too good of a person, but I'm still scared, I guess the only
way to prove it to myself is to do it.
But I still have no answers why my dad was like he was. I think he was just crazy. Seriously
crazy though, how can anyone have a family and not love them...getting mad and angry is one
thing, but intentionally hurting them and abusing them for your own pleasure is inhuman.
I am really glad that I had a dad like my dad though, because I learned so much about life
and people, it's a really bad experience, but really opens up your eyes. Lia will agree with
me. I feel like I know who people are now, it's taught me not to judge by appearances and
possesions, because anybody can be fake, a lot of people are, but once you actually spend
time with someone and talk to them, you'll see who they are really. I also feel like I can
really help people with the shit they go through because I'm so empathetic and sensitive...
I guess I'm kind of a pussy too, I don't like hurting people ever, but if you threaten my
friends or my mom, you'll die quickly because I'll kill you, or make sure you never do it
again.
I guess my rant in this post is that I just want everyone to realize what they're doing it
when they do it, don't get sucked into the depths of hatred and anger, because that only
produces an angry individual, I would be one if it weren't for my friends and my mom and
me going to the hospital. Everyone has it inside them
to be evil, but whether your faith is God, your parents or friends or even your goddam
stuffed animals, just put your strength into them and always believe in the goodness in
yourself. There's too many fuckers in this world, and I don't want anybody I know to add to
that. There's too many people I care about to just let everything slide. I'm not trying to
control anyone, I'm just trying to make it known that even though it's hard for the people
getting abused, I believe it's harder for the abuser to live with themselves, and I don't
want any of you to be like that. You just kill yourself inside, and all those around you.
I'm no fucking hero or anything, but I just wanted to tell you guys that.
I love you guys a whole lot.