Independent Woman
"Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feeling lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me what you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships
The shoes on my feet (I bought it)
The clothes I'm wearing (I bought it)
The rock I'm rocking (I bought it)
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearing (I'll buy it)
The car I drive in (I bought it)
The house I live in (I bought it)
I depend on me."
No, this is not homage to Destiny's Child (although I love the anthem twice over being a Charlie's Angels fan). This is about a girl's economic independence.
Part of the reason I never dated much (I can count the guys with my fingers) was (a) it took a particular kind of guy to like me and (b) I don't like being beholden to anyone (someone footing the bill for me). Dating me was like playing grab-the-check.
And if I couldn't grab the check, I gave the guy presents, mostly stuff I thought he needed, to balance things out. My guy-friends complained how my dates got it great: your get to take out the girl and she spoils you to boot.
I'm happy to say that even before I got my first paycheck, I made my own way. Being a savings monster allowed me to lead the kind the life I wanted even in school with funds to spare for holiday gifts.
I am used to getting things for myself.
So much so that I never took advantage of suitors. If I didn't like him, then I would not even receive his gifts.
They would all be sent back, whatever they were. I never looked to anyone to buy my luxuries, not even my parents. I always operated within my means and was content with that. Which made it difficult for people to get things for me. They would say I have everything I wanted anyway.
I had a comfortable singlehood with my sale-bought clothes, casa-spoiled car, investments, assorted gifts to my babies, and of course my dolls.
After getting married, I never saw the point in changing my lifestyle.
We share expenses, savings and investments. Apparently, this is a shocking arrangement to some.
The norm is the husband foots ALL the expenses and arranges ALL the savings and investments. Especially when he earns more than his wife. Even my husband did remark that he felt so "husbandly" when he had been giving me money several days in a row.
I personally think making one spouse bear the brunt of all financial responsibilities is a bad idea. On the macro level, this is why women are vulnerable to economic abuse (yes, there is such a thing now---a husband's refusal to support his wife financially).
Because the women give up that power to begin with by giving up their responsibility. Raising a family and running a household is the work of both spouses after all.
On the micro level, abdicating financial responsibility could well be the beginning of a woman's regression. Talents are honed when they are practiced. Learning is most effective by doing.
And true partnership is when the couple supports one another and shares the work as equals. Not by leaving one to do everything by himself.
I have relatives and friends who rely everything on their husband. Some either chose to be or were asked to be housewives. They go around the groceries and malls pointing at things they want while the man pays the bill. Some are demanding and spoiled about it.
That's their personal decision. And I respect that.
This is mine. Being married means I share my life with my husband.
But that does not, by any stretch of the imagination, make me a cost center nor half a person. My marriage is a union of equals working toward common goals (well, more or less). And it is faster and more efficient to have two people working towards them than a single one.
