well... it's done... all over...
so here's the conversation between Ally and I that went on last night, via text messages... I cleaned up a little bit of the grammar and spelling...
ME: you know.. i've given it some thought, and crunched some numbers, and came to the conclusion that there's no way i'll be able to afford to go to california... not if you want me there any time this year... sorry to say but it's true
HER: and you're saying what exactly
ME: I'm saying exactly what it sounds like I'm saying
HER: which is
ME: if I'm going to california, it's not going to happen any time this year.. though it doesnt seem like you miss me much so it won't be such a big deal to you...
HER: and why do you say that
ME: every time we've talked it's because I made the effort. not once do I recall you calling or texting me "just because"...
HER: ok well what's your point? hey are you at your mother's or still at Tommy's?
ME: at mom's. my point being i'm tired of being strung along and making all the effort when I know my feelings aren't being reciprocated...
HER: well i'm sorry that i work so much and can't talk to you whenever I want. so what do you want to do then?
ME: well i do remember you saying that you can text during work.... and there's before work... and breaks... even a "hey how are ya" would've been nice... what do I want to do? I don't know, maybe just completely forget about each other? seems like you're already well on your way to doing that anyways...
HER: how do you figure that? so ware you saying that you don't want to come out here now?
ME: that's what i'm saying. how am I to know whether or not the only reason you want me there is for cheaper rent? you may have been able to just put me out of your mind just like that, which bothers me by the way, but I cannot get you out of my head...
HER: well that's not why i want you out here, but if that's what you think then fine whatever keep thinking that.
ME: you never gave me any reasons to think otherwise... you have plenty of options for a new boyfriend and roommate.
HER: true
ME: see that's exactly what i'm talking about
HER: what? it's true
ME: I mean, i've never ever been the jealous type.. but since you came along HELLO jealousy... and you saying you had other options a little while back hurt me... that's when it kicked in.. I don't want to be that kind of guy but the way you act towardsd me makes me like that... you treat me like something you stepped in at lackland and are just dealing with instead of scraping off... so i'm scraping myself off...
HER: so my question still is, are you wanting to come out here still or not?
ME: did I not already make that perfectly clear? N-O, negative, california is not going to happen, if you don't like it, get over it...
HER: ok calm down i was just checking, fuck man
ME: well you seem to get pissy when i ask you something you already told me, just returning the favor
ME: you seem fairly calm... guess that justifies my decision
HER: I thank the Crown Royal for that...
HER: fine then i guess i'll talk to you later then, but keep this in mind I did call or text a few times, maybe not as often as you did, but at least I did. and please don't try to run up the phone bill on purpose
ME: I didn't hear word one from you even on your days off unless i had texted or called you first... and as for the phone bill, i wouldn't do that, i'm not that big an asshole
HER: k
ME: oh yeah and I dunno about talking later... i'm trying to get you off my mind, remember? so I guess this is goodbye. Adios
HER: hey wait a minute how am I getting my SIM card back if you won't talk to me?
ME: I'll mail it... again I don't go out of my way to be an asshole
HER: well keep it till you can get another one but don't forget I can cut it off at any time
ME: i know but don't forget you also have to pay money to cut it off... thanks though...
ME: so anyways... goodbye Ally, it was nice knowing you, you taught me plenty and I can be a better man because of it. thanks and good luck with your life.
HER: and to you Billy, try to stay out of trouble
ME: can't make any guarantees... remember, nice guys finish last
HER: some don't
ME: well i don't forsee my luck changing anytime soon... but anyways you got something against the word goodbye? you haven't said it once... and really, it'll be the last time you have to say it to me...
HER: yeah I do I still want to be able for us to talk once in awhile Billy, is that so hard?
ME: to be completely honest, that is fairly difficult for me... I fell for you hard, ally... I really did... maybe in a couple months or so when i've collected myself again we can talk again...
HER: ok but could you tell me one thing first?
ME: what's that
HER: what were you wanting to tell me last month?
ME: I wouldn't worry about it anymore
HER: Billy get over it and tell me
ME: well I did want to tell you that I thought I might've been in love, but I guess I was wrong
HER: I figured it was that. it scared me to think that.
ME: I kinda figured you knew what I wanted to say... and I know what you mean too... I've had someone fall in love with me when I didn't feel the same way... that's why I said not to worry about it...
HER: but i did worry about it. how could I not?
ME: why worry about it honestly
HER: cause thats how I am, i worry even if noone knows about it
ME: yeah well that's one less thing you have to worry about now, huh
HER: with you yeah, but not with others
and that's it... that's all...
ME: you know.. i've given it some thought, and crunched some numbers, and came to the conclusion that there's no way i'll be able to afford to go to california... not if you want me there any time this year... sorry to say but it's true
HER: and you're saying what exactly
ME: I'm saying exactly what it sounds like I'm saying
HER: which is
ME: if I'm going to california, it's not going to happen any time this year.. though it doesnt seem like you miss me much so it won't be such a big deal to you...
HER: and why do you say that
ME: every time we've talked it's because I made the effort. not once do I recall you calling or texting me "just because"...
HER: ok well what's your point? hey are you at your mother's or still at Tommy's?
ME: at mom's. my point being i'm tired of being strung along and making all the effort when I know my feelings aren't being reciprocated...
HER: well i'm sorry that i work so much and can't talk to you whenever I want. so what do you want to do then?
ME: well i do remember you saying that you can text during work.... and there's before work... and breaks... even a "hey how are ya" would've been nice... what do I want to do? I don't know, maybe just completely forget about each other? seems like you're already well on your way to doing that anyways...
HER: how do you figure that? so ware you saying that you don't want to come out here now?
ME: that's what i'm saying. how am I to know whether or not the only reason you want me there is for cheaper rent? you may have been able to just put me out of your mind just like that, which bothers me by the way, but I cannot get you out of my head...
HER: well that's not why i want you out here, but if that's what you think then fine whatever keep thinking that.
ME: you never gave me any reasons to think otherwise... you have plenty of options for a new boyfriend and roommate.
HER: true
ME: see that's exactly what i'm talking about
HER: what? it's true
ME: I mean, i've never ever been the jealous type.. but since you came along HELLO jealousy... and you saying you had other options a little while back hurt me... that's when it kicked in.. I don't want to be that kind of guy but the way you act towardsd me makes me like that... you treat me like something you stepped in at lackland and are just dealing with instead of scraping off... so i'm scraping myself off...
HER: so my question still is, are you wanting to come out here still or not?
ME: did I not already make that perfectly clear? N-O, negative, california is not going to happen, if you don't like it, get over it...
HER: ok calm down i was just checking, fuck man
ME: well you seem to get pissy when i ask you something you already told me, just returning the favor
ME: you seem fairly calm... guess that justifies my decision
HER: I thank the Crown Royal for that...
HER: fine then i guess i'll talk to you later then, but keep this in mind I did call or text a few times, maybe not as often as you did, but at least I did. and please don't try to run up the phone bill on purpose
ME: I didn't hear word one from you even on your days off unless i had texted or called you first... and as for the phone bill, i wouldn't do that, i'm not that big an asshole
HER: k
ME: oh yeah and I dunno about talking later... i'm trying to get you off my mind, remember? so I guess this is goodbye. Adios
HER: hey wait a minute how am I getting my SIM card back if you won't talk to me?
ME: I'll mail it... again I don't go out of my way to be an asshole
HER: well keep it till you can get another one but don't forget I can cut it off at any time
ME: i know but don't forget you also have to pay money to cut it off... thanks though...
ME: so anyways... goodbye Ally, it was nice knowing you, you taught me plenty and I can be a better man because of it. thanks and good luck with your life.
HER: and to you Billy, try to stay out of trouble
ME: can't make any guarantees... remember, nice guys finish last
HER: some don't
ME: well i don't forsee my luck changing anytime soon... but anyways you got something against the word goodbye? you haven't said it once... and really, it'll be the last time you have to say it to me...
HER: yeah I do I still want to be able for us to talk once in awhile Billy, is that so hard?
ME: to be completely honest, that is fairly difficult for me... I fell for you hard, ally... I really did... maybe in a couple months or so when i've collected myself again we can talk again...
HER: ok but could you tell me one thing first?
ME: what's that
HER: what were you wanting to tell me last month?
ME: I wouldn't worry about it anymore
HER: Billy get over it and tell me
ME: well I did want to tell you that I thought I might've been in love, but I guess I was wrong
HER: I figured it was that. it scared me to think that.
ME: I kinda figured you knew what I wanted to say... and I know what you mean too... I've had someone fall in love with me when I didn't feel the same way... that's why I said not to worry about it...
HER: but i did worry about it. how could I not?
ME: why worry about it honestly
HER: cause thats how I am, i worry even if noone knows about it
ME: yeah well that's one less thing you have to worry about now, huh
HER: with you yeah, but not with others
and that's it... that's all...