it'll fall just like you said.
i just really have nothing of importance for this forum.
im quitting my job. as of Jan 7.
and im glad about that.
my fingers are currently throbbing and sore as i type this.
and its not from playing hours upon hours of guitar hero (my new obsession)
its actually from playing REAL instruments for hours upon hours in light of my recent discovery that i might be a real musician. as i was driving home from the gym with adam on wed. night all i could think about was touring in a band, boygirlboygirl, and having the privelage to travel and do what i really love. not that i dont love teaching. i do. i wouldnt be wasting my time this round if i didnt. but the lure of the stage and the danger of the road is the shit im talking about. and sometimes i just dont feel whole without it. i really havent felt "myself" since sept. 14 of 2004. and that was only for an hour on a mountain top. no offense to my friends my adam my family. but my heart is in the rock and the tree and the stream and the plain. not in the sidewalk or the stoplight or the parking lot or the neighbors yard. i jsut feel not whole. like im trying to make cartilage to fill that hole in my heart.
there are few moments when i do feel whole.
and one of those is in the solitude of my basement with headphones plugged into an amp, or a cello pressed against me or a drum stick attacking a snare as hard as i can.
sometimes i think that the word syncopation is the most honest description of myself. in so many symbols.
i also think the phrase "i have a better landscape drawn on the inside of my eyelids" is suitable as a descriptor.
maybe its the time of year. trying to see past this strange winter to an approaching spring of change. or the summer of release or the fall of marriage. either way i dont feel prepared for much of anything.
and that generally makes me crazy. like bipolar crazy. so prepare accordingly.
and now here i sit in tears. wishing some stray star would come crashing through this picture window just to disrupt this conversation with myself.
i hate the holidays.
im quitting my job. as of Jan 7.
and im glad about that.
my fingers are currently throbbing and sore as i type this.
and its not from playing hours upon hours of guitar hero (my new obsession)
its actually from playing REAL instruments for hours upon hours in light of my recent discovery that i might be a real musician. as i was driving home from the gym with adam on wed. night all i could think about was touring in a band, boygirlboygirl, and having the privelage to travel and do what i really love. not that i dont love teaching. i do. i wouldnt be wasting my time this round if i didnt. but the lure of the stage and the danger of the road is the shit im talking about. and sometimes i just dont feel whole without it. i really havent felt "myself" since sept. 14 of 2004. and that was only for an hour on a mountain top. no offense to my friends my adam my family. but my heart is in the rock and the tree and the stream and the plain. not in the sidewalk or the stoplight or the parking lot or the neighbors yard. i jsut feel not whole. like im trying to make cartilage to fill that hole in my heart.
there are few moments when i do feel whole.
and one of those is in the solitude of my basement with headphones plugged into an amp, or a cello pressed against me or a drum stick attacking a snare as hard as i can.
sometimes i think that the word syncopation is the most honest description of myself. in so many symbols.
i also think the phrase "i have a better landscape drawn on the inside of my eyelids" is suitable as a descriptor.
maybe its the time of year. trying to see past this strange winter to an approaching spring of change. or the summer of release or the fall of marriage. either way i dont feel prepared for much of anything.
and that generally makes me crazy. like bipolar crazy. so prepare accordingly.
and now here i sit in tears. wishing some stray star would come crashing through this picture window just to disrupt this conversation with myself.
i hate the holidays.